...On Missed Chances and Justifying Actions...

Every once in a while, we're faced with making a choice. Figuratively, it's illustrated as the road split to two at some junction. To be able to move forward, you always have to choose one or the other, and deal with the consequences of your choice. You probably wouldn't know for sure if choosing the other road was better, but that doesn't stop you from saying "sayang, sana pala dun na lang". 

Upon choosing your path, you justify to yourself that what you did was the best choice. You 

consider the pros and cons of choosing the other path, and make yourself believe that what you did had more pros than the other.

That said, I'll be trying to justify my actions:

Case #1: The Gentleman

Background/Situation: 

I'd like  to think of myself as a  gentleman. In every door that I go in to, I see to it that the person behind me gets in or that he/she has a hold of that door handle. When in a public vehicle, I assist a person going in if he/she looks like they're having trouble. And when sitting on a train, I stand up to offer my seat to an old lady or a woman. 

So yesterday, I didn't make the cut to ride the last shuttle, so I was sitting on this long bench for people waiting on the queue. Then this old lady comes by, sits beside me. Then a couple more. We all got to sit. A little later, this gold Ford Lynx drops by a girl. Now, if I knew that the bench was full, I would've automatically given up my seat. But I didn't. In the corner of my eye, I saw her standing at the back of the bench. I wanted to stand up to offer my seat, but then a fat lady comes by.

Choice Between: Being a gentleman and offer my seat, or be a prick and stay.

I Chose to: Be a prick and stay on my seat.

Why: I was thinking that if I stood up then, fat lady would sit on the vacated seat, and Ford girl would think I'm making a move on her. Plus the fact that there was a shuttle backing up, so offering my seat would be useless. I was dead wrong on that second part, and I guess I'll never know if the first one would've ever happened.

Case #2: The Honest Passenger

Background/Situation: 

I drive, but that doesn't mean I haven't had my share of commuting. I know where the jeep routes are, and know how much most of the fares cost. I know that from Magsaysay street to Pasig Palengke would cost 10pesos, and vice versa. I know that Rosario to Pasig Palengke is 7pesos. 

Last night, I rode a jeep from Stella Mariz street going to Magsaysay. That's in the middle of Pasig Rotonda and Rosario. I was thinking it'd be just 7 pesos, but to be sure, I paid with a 20peso bill, and I get 2 large coins, and a small one. Upon examining the coins, I got a 1peso coin, a 5peso coin, and a 10peso coin. Naturally, I'd think the barker made a mistake, since there's no jeep offering 4peso fares like it was 1994. But then I was thinking, he was swindling me, because there's no way that from there to Magsaysay would cost me 9pesos. 

Choice Between: Being the good passenger and consider the man's needs for the day vs. Shutting up and just keep the excess. 

I Chose To: Shut up and just keep the excess. 

Why: At the time, I was still processing the complicated mathematical phenomenon: I paid 20pesos on a jeepney, and got 16pesos in change. I wanted to give it back to the kid by asking how much the fare cost. But the jeje music was just too loud. So I decided to shut uo. When I had a chance to go near the driver to have a discussion about the fare, I was thinking it was probably too late. If I asked then, the driver would think that the kid was doing this all the time, and would probably not have him ride shotgun again in the future. But then I also had that feeling that it may actually have cost 9pesos. If so, I just made that jeep's earnings about 3pesos less. Since I never got the answer to what the truth may have been, I've decided to drop the extra 5pesos on the offertory box in the next mass that I'll attend.

============================================================

I realize that if I made a choice at the right times, I wouldn't be contemplating on those events yesterday. If I just stood up upon seeing Ford girl going towards the end of the line, she would've sat down, I would've stood at the end of the line, and I'd feel that I've done the right thing. If I just gave back the 5pesos to Barker boy in the jeep, I wouldn't be thinking if they earned enough last night because of the kid's erroneous change-giving.

Then again, this is real world. And in the real world, there are no re-takes of the same, exact situations, no looking back and doing the right thing. The missed chances could've been the right choices, but not having chosen those, who am I to say I wouldn't be asking the same questions now?

...Of Dead Ends and Identity...

I was looking for blogs I could use to land me a writing job, so I browsed through my Multiply site, and read some entries of a while back. I don't feel my more recent posts are good enough, and there's that feeling of having exhausted my creativity some time last year. I think I write best when my blogs are emotionally-charged, which I don't think I've been for the past several months. I can't even make an interesting FB status anymore. Heck, I don't even have a witty description of myself for my FB page. I've been writing for the sake of having something to say, and not writing to express myself. Weirdly, those two seem totally distinct for me right now. 

=============================================================

Of Deep Pits and the Light of Hope

Speaking of old blog posts, I realize I've been ranting about this job of mine since my FIRST contract renewal back in October of 08. And I've been saying I'm going to save up for myself starting God-knows-when. Fast forward to present date: I'm still in the same position, still on contract, and still paying 200+ on bank charges every month because I can't keep a 2k maintaining balance on my personal account. 

I'm learning the hard way that it's difficult to find a job for a Philosophy graduate who's not interested in pursuing further studies in Philosophy or Law. And with every job interview I go into, it's being more apparent that I'm not going to succeed in the marketing industry because of my educational background, and I can't even use my long tenure in a multinational company as grounds for other companies to take me in for their marketing department because of my company's seemingly alien nature to others' businesses (I mean, really, when I say manufacturing company, what comes to mind?). 

I've said countless times that if I become a sportswriter, I will be happy and contented despite the expected low pay. (I am looking at Quinito Henson and recently, that Nathanielz guy as inspiration. I hate them. And I feel that unless new people rise up, they will continue calling different sports events. Boom Gonzalez, with his great modulated voice but Atenean bravado(sorry, ever since the Uncle Jun conflict, I've been all negative to Ateneo. But really, most of it comes from my UAAP passion.) and bias, comes in at a close third.) But I don't know. My Summit application was a bust, and my Mega application has yet to have any news. Jobstreet's ad for a sportswriter for NL Crewnews hasn't hit me back yet, and I shot down my best chance to be a writer when I turned down a late offer by a company around Tektite (I wouldn't have, but I just signed a new contract that kept me here for the next 4 months) for a web content writer. 

Feeling so desperately in need of a job, I am almost looking into quitting this job entirely, and making a living out of playing poker. Then came that fateful day when my sister brought me to Metro Card Club. I lost about 900 in about an hour and a half trying to read opponents. Then I realized I probably am not that great of a player yet to make a living out of it. 

A couple of weeks back, my uncle talked to me about career. He's been trying to get me to work with him for the longest time. I didn't want to just yet, knowing full well that if I take that job, it'll be for the long haul, considering he's family. Yet, looking at my bleak options, I've decided to take up his offer: if after my 2nd 4-month contract with my current agency expires, and the company hasn't found a way to keep me here as a permanent employee, then I'll be joining his company, a distributor of the current company I'm working in. I'll be a sales rep for him, probably.

So after ranting about where I've been for the past couple of years, there's finally going to be a sure movement in my professional career. By September, I'm finally getting out of this shithole. 

...Although, yes, I'm going to be a bit torn. No more getting paid for sleeping and Facebooking. 

==========================================================

Hi, I'm Voltaire!

It might be a lame-ass reason for being an employee working in the corporate world, but I've always sort of envied people who had an ID or calling card. To some extent, I missed having what I called a "tut-tut" ID back in ICT. It somehow gave me a sense of belongingness in an organization. I mean, not everyone can access some of the doors in offices, but I'm one of those who can. Having that ID kinda made me feel like I'm not like everyone else who walks in and logs in on the guard's logbook. 

And the calling card. Heck, it's pretty stupid. I can make a calling card of my own if I wanted to. But actually representing a company? Tsk. I want that. The idea of swapping cards with a friend and not having to pull up my mobile phone to register his/her number. Swapping cards seem more professional. 

Right now, I'm a calling card-less person whose ID is a laminated piece of cardboard, showing an agency that is best known for providing quality janitorial and clerical service people to different buildings and companies. I can't even wear that ID to get me in our building, thinking I'd be mistaken for a janitor or something. I mean, no offense, but it really is degrading to be stopped by building security, with you all looking professional, and then having to pull out an ID bearing my agency's name, and then having a janitor wearing the same ID.

I know who I am, but like Spongebob, who lost his ID once, I feel like I'm nobody if I don't have something that says who I am.