...Here's to a Girl...

To the girl who was the reason for me bringing two umbrellas during my sophomore year in college...

To the girl who made me walk the flooded streets of San Juan because of a saved message in my 5110 that said "sigurado na ako.. :)" some eight years ago...

To the girl whom I exchanged uniquely folded messages with...

To the girl with insecurities I can't even count...

To the girl who gave me the most unforgettable Valentine's I had with the help of a toy car, a football pillow-radio, and some friends...

To the girl who made one of my childish wants (owning a large stuffed toy to wrestle with) a reality...

To the girl who kept me awake after I crashed our car falling asleep on the wheel... 

To the girl who I embarrassed myself with by singing and making a speech in her debut...

To the girl who joined our family outing...

To the girl who introduced me to the wonderful people in her life...

To the girl who I've searched countless of restaurants with...

To the girl who's been my constant movie date...

To the girl who made me watch Pinoy movies on the big screen without hiding my face after going out...

To the girl who made me learn how to make my Aunt's cheesecake that I only loved to eat...

To the girl who taught me how to make those crazy spicy Dinamitas for parties, burning my hands in the process...

To the girl who can't stop laughing at my jokes...

To the girl who got stuck with me during Ondoy...

To the girl who spent her bonus to get me a PS3...

To the girl who tried to surprise me for my birthdays...

To the girl who wanted to give up but can't...

To the girl who I wanted to take care of...

To the girl who I can be a kid around...

To the girl who dreams with me...

To the girl I am growing up with...

To the girl that I love...

Happy 8th Anniversary, Che =)

*walang basagan ng trip sa mais.

...Why I Choose Me...

I've never thought that I'm good at anything. Basketball knowledge, probably, but in this basketball-crazy country, who isn't? I've thought of myself as being capable of being able to do a little bit of anything, so that I'd be flexible enough, then cultivate that one thing that I'd be needing in the industry that I finally fall into. That's why I took a call center job. That's why I was confident to leave it after three months. That's why I took an English tutoring job. That's why I decided to leave that for a "better" opportunity as a temp in a multinational company. That's why I was so sure that taking my current job is the best thing that's ever going to happen to me. I get to help the company, and I get to have a respectable career.

And then "me" starts knocking. After a series of disappointments, a couple of screw ups, some small victories, and receiving perspectives, I took a step back to re-evaluate my life; where I am, where I'm going, where I want to be, and where I really want to go. I hated myself for realizing this now, and not 5 years ago at least.

I didn't know where I wanted to be at this point in my life. In the ideal world, back when I was a bright eyed young boy who thought everything will fall into place after I graduate, I thought I'd be married by now, waiting for my first kid. Year by year, reality speaks to me through my bank account and my professional state. I decided to be patient, thinking I'm planting the right seeds and I'll soon reap the fruits for it. Three years of trying to impress came down to shit in my previous job. My current boss saved me from that, and I thought that was the fruit of my seeds. And now I realize, I can be really good at this, but I want to be great somewhere else. As great as he turned out to be, I wasn't like him, and I couldn't be like him because I didn't want to be like him. I wanted to be me. And "me" is someone who loves to write. "Me" is someone who thrives in competition within a group. "Me" is someone who needs people around.

To some extent, I feel that I am fulfilling my goal when I took this job, and that is to be able to help the company grow in any way I can. I'm a "helping-people-out" kind of guy, so I thought this is the perfect job for me, who basically had no real "dream" job. And then the realization that I wanted something. I can't stay on wanting to help others while I can't help myself.

The most difficult part of this decision is the fact that I don't really need to leave. I have no reason to. It pains me to decide that I want something else when I am given the trust, patience, and opportunity that I am being given here. It pains me to disappoint the person who has given me so much.

And yet, if I do go on, I may not be helping myself. I may be growing, but I don't think it is what I want to grow into. At 26, I don't think I have much time to spend thinking. I need to start deciding what I really want, and doing something about it. Speaking to my boss about it is a step.

During the whole time I was afraid, it seemed like God was dropping all the signs that I shouldn't be. From status messages by friends to opportunities opening, it was almost like some girl was dropping all the hints that I should talk to her. I decided to take the leap. I'm not really sure if these opportunities are still here by the time I may be available, but I can't wait forever I needed to do something about what I want.

And while I am forever grateful at all the opportunities and trust given to me, I think I need this.

I need to choose "me".