...The Year Apart: Looking Back at the First 11/29...

I have a pretty close family. Every birthday is a chance to get together to celebrate. 

November 29, 2004 wasn't that different. The Lozada family gathered in San Juan because it was Uncle Jun's birthday. It was a birthday Uncle Jun said everyone must always be present because the following day is a holiday. While everyone was there, I was in UST, for our annual deliberations for possible candidates for the AB Student Council. With me were friends, fellow prospects, and some members, one of whom was pretty special to me.

See when the Academic Year started, I met these two Communication Arts freshmen from Stella Maris College. Issa and Che seemed inseparable then. As I introduced our political party to them, I felt a weird attraction to Che. She was all smiles and had a somewhat irritating pitch when she shouted, but she was "kwela" for lack of a better word to describe her. But beneath all the smiles I felt that she was fragile and is this loud and cheery exactly because she's hiding it from the world. I wanted to take care of her. 

Che was in no way attracted to me. Kinikilig sa harapan ko yan pag nakikita crush nya. But I persisted. I brought two umbrellas in my bag everyday since the first time I met her. One day, it finally rained during dismissal, and I chanced upon Che and Issa sharing a small umbrella. I pulled out my umbrella like it was just their lucky day that I had an extra one. Of course, it only gave me a chance to see her again. 

I was able to get on her good side at least. There was always that awkwardness because she knew I liked her, so building up a friendship with her was a bit difficult. She got through it though, and at one point during the sem break I got Issa to tell her we could all watch a movie together, then cancel at the last minute so that we could go watch that movie by ourselves. Truthfully, I forgot which movie it was. I just remember how nice it was that we were able to pull it off. 

Eventually, I got the courage to express my feelings for her. It was in Benavides Park, fondly called "Lover's Lane" in UST. There we were, sitting on a rock, with tears falling because of all the emotions being poured out, all while Issa was trying her best impersonation of a rock while everything is happening around her. 

"Gusto ko maging sigurado muna ako..." was ultimately Che's message that night. 

And so, November 29, 2004, weeks after this scene happened. It was a rainy day, and there were no classes in UST, true to the GMA's habit of switching holidays. Che kept looking for me like some clingy kid. Later, she would borrow my cellphone to send a text message. She held my hand more that day, and I didn't mind. As we were going home she kept asking if someone replied. I checked, but there weren't any messages. As we rode the FX to Pasig under the Pureza Station of LRT 2, she finally told me to write a message. I opened it and saw the words already typed in:

"Sigurado na ako. Mahal kita. :)" 

And a happy, exciting feeling just poured out of me. I didn't want to go down from the FX, but she insisted that I go. I did, and we went our separate ways. I don't know how her ride was, but I know she got home safe. From Kalentong, I walked to San Juan while it was raining lightly, and some of the roads were flooded. I didn't mind, I could finally say Che was my girlfriend.

Every 29th of November, we celebrated it together. She knows of my family's traditions, but we always make it a point to celebrate our anniversary together. I'd come late to Uncle Jun's party, or be somewhere else during this day for the past nine years. I honestly can't enumerate every single date that we had every November 29 since 2004. We've had so many special moments that I've forgotten which happened on the 29th of what year. But this year is going to be new.

Today, as we mark our 9th year anniversary together, we're celebrating it apart. It is a consequence of the choices we made. It's quite sad not to be celebrating this day with her, but there's still a lot to be happy about because we made the choices that we did. Happy should always outweigh the sad. 

We're living in the "now", and we don't want to speculate as to how the 29th will turn out next year or the year after that. Right now, we know that we're celebrating it apart; sad with the fact that we're miles away, but happy with our decisions that got us where we are now. 

Tonight, I'll be coming to Uncle Jun's birthday celebration without Che by my side for the first time since November 29, 2004. Just like every other year that this celebration happens, we're another year wiser, and another year grown up. This year may have seen the most grown up decision we had to make for our relationship. 

Happy 9th, Che.

As your favorite K-Pop stars go: "Fighting!" =)

...To New Beginnings...

"Alis volat propriis"

- Latin phrase, Translated; "she flies with her own wings"

We dream to do a lot of things with our lives, but few dare to reach for these dreams.

Today, I return from Singapore alone. After two years of dreaming of taking the next step in her career and exploring a new world, Che has finally taken that huge leap on crossing that out of her bucket list. She's taking a job she didn't expect. To save you from the details, I'll simply put it this way; she was aiming for the sky, but it opened such that she would reach a star. 

Since she started this motion in September, a lot of scenarios have been played out in our minds, but extending her resignation date wasn't one of them because she might not want to leave. She considered a local job from the client side because we don't want our beloved Mother May to feel bad that she left and went to another agency. She thought about staying behind in Singapore after our F1 trip, which, looking back now, thankfully didn't happen. 

Almost a month after we learned of her promising new opportunity, she stopped making plans and was all in on this. It was a long and difficult wait of the unknown. She went through the whole month either watching Running Man and The Heirs, reading eBooks, or taking orders for Hungry Rover.  

And finally, the call. 

My phone rang while I was in the office, and she was calling. I thought it was a random call because I wasn't replying.

"Meron na kong hiring approval!" shouted the excited girl from the other line.

You could make a comic strip out of this series of events under the phrase "Good things come to those who wait" to illustrate it. She almost lost hope, waiting for more than a month with no updates after her interview over the phone. I just picked up my renewed passport. Issa already considered having a roommate. Just when she was down in the pits, the call from her employer just picked her up. 

And now, after that long intro, I answer the two most frequently asked questions to me since we learned about the move.

"Kaya mo ba?"

"Ready ka na ba?"

I write this because this is the only way I know best to explain these without either breaking down or looking indifferent about everything that's happening.

For the first time in nine years, we'll be really apart. It will be the first time in years that I won't be there to hold her hand right when she needs me. It may be the first time in her adult life when I wouldn't be physically present when she vents out all her frustrations and feelings she keeps behind her wonderful smile. 

Over the years, our relationship has evolved constantly as we grew older. Needs, priorities, and plans changed. We learned to adapt to the real world, breaking our personally-set life deadlines, and just living life. We have faced different challenges, and here we stand still together, officially on the 29th of November; nine years after that saved message on my 5110 that said "sigurado na ako :)" and made me a giggling fool running under the rain and over the floods of Kalentong to San Juan.

Since day one, I knew I wanted to take care of her, and God knows I always did. It has burned me a couple of times already; she came to a point where she thought she lost her individuality and wanted to distance herself from me. It was the only way she knew how to be known as "Che" and not "Che, Volt's girlfriend".

As we adapted, she somehow learned to work through having our kind of relationship and still keep the individuality she wanted. She had a lot of dreams, so many things she wanted to do. I wasn't going to stand in any of it.

The best and permanent reminder of this is probably her urge to get a tattoo. I have always been against it. I never liked the idea of tattoos and piercings. She's been saying she wanted one for a couple of years already. I've always told her that I don't like it, but if she thinks she needs to get it, then she can do what she wants. I told her that I won't be there to hold her hand when she gets hurt while getting it though.

Early this year, she found her quote, and finally decided to get it; a Latin phrase she found among the thousands of quotes she gets to read over social networks - "Alis volat propriis," translated, means "she flies with her own wings."

Of course, I wasn't happy about the tattoo, but I am happy that she decided on her own to get it, and that she did it for herself. And no, I wasn't there when she got it.

And now, Singapore.

Am I happy about this? Absolutely. She's always wanted this, and this is her chance to make her dream come true.

Am I not sad to see her leave? Of course I am. But I look at the bright side, and understand that in the long run, this will only do us both good.

Have we talked about who's moving where and how long this Singapore thing will last? Truthfully, no. But it is a choice that we made. I think that putting deadlines on dreams limits one's chance of enjoying the said dream. We can chase our own dreams separately knowing that we're cheering each other to go on and not racing each other to who gets to a goal first.

Am I ready for a long distance relationship? I say, who is ever ready for it? I know it is difficult, and there will be days when we'll feel helpless not being on the other's side. But overcoming adversity is something that we know a thing or two about. I think we have built a strong enough foundation to be ready for this move.

Umiyak ka na ba? Not yet. I think for a couple of times I was on the brink of it, but tears haven't really fallen. It's not because I don't care, but rather because her getting a really promising career opportunity is something we should be more happy about than dwell in the sadness because of the fact that we'll be apart.

With a heavy but hopeful heart, I'm going on with my day with the realization that this is really happening. I am a country away from her. I don't know how her day or her week will turn out. I am scared as shit that she might put too much pressure on herself and I can't hold her hand to tell her she'll be ok.

Part of me doesn't want to let go. But a bigger part of me is reassures me that I need to. Like only a few before her, she's daring to take a next step in her life.

Today, she truly will be flying with her own wings.

Good luck, my love. :) I pray for the day that your wings fly you back to where we need to be at the end of each day... I love you! <3