"Lundagin mo, beybe"
- Fr. Roque Ferriols, SJ
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| There are pros and cons to both directions, but knowing them is useless unless you actually take one of them |
I love youth. The innocence and ignorance of everything makes the world so simple, that nothing is impossible. Growing up, we realize not everything is as easy as we thought, and there are prerequisites for some of the things that we thought we could do freely. From all the wonderful things we thought of doing when we grow up (change the world, flying, inventing a food better than bacon, etc.), reality limits it to a finite number. As we age, this finite number becomes even smaller.
I don't think we're naturally limited. Not everyone is born seven feet tall or with a perfect face and physique to be an athlete or a celebrity or whatever. We are, however, responsible for taking a step towards opportunities that lead to those things we want to do.
Wanting to do something is totally different from planning to do something, and both are entirely useless if we don't actually do it.
For the past several years, I've been wanting to do something that I really want to do. Circumstances had me choosing what I thought to be more practical over what I believe is my passion. There's always this route anyway.
However, for all the positive "go for it" attitude I have when friends and family ask for advise, I haven't "gone" for it.
After years of teasing, of trying, of thinking, of planning, I have finally mustered the courage to actually go for it.
I had a whole speech in my head on why I want to do this, and why I'm letting go of where I am professionally, but all I got was a shrug from my boss. Come to think of it, a long conversation about it might not be natural for him.
Since Day 1, my boss treated me as we have agreed upon in September of 2010. I was an employee of the company, not a relative of the boss. I was scolded for making mistakes (publicly or privately), praised for accomplishments (usually not publicly, never had a problem with it), and assigned with duties within my job description. As a newbie in this industry, in the capacity that I was hired for, he taught me what to do as a person would teach another how to ride a bicycle. He gave me training wheels, took them out, guided me, and eventually let go.
I have come a long way from a clueless kid armed with nothing but empty words and the eternal "I'll get back to you on that" to an actual sales associate who can put knowledge and experience together to provide the customer with what they need. I know that for a fact. I still hate making phone calls, but when I do pick the phone up, I know what I'm saying. I'm more confident talking to customers when meeting with them. Clients can't bullshit their way to meetings, and I don't give as much bullshit when I don't know anything to make it seem like I know everything. I have learned the things that I should know, but I've also learned that I don't need to know everything to earn a customer's respect.
I probably won't have a boss as good as the one I have right now. When I asked him about leaving before, he told me his conditions but wasn't against my decision. I took it back, because I felt that I haven't performed well enough for him despite the trust he has given me.
Approaching my 28th year of existence though, I felt the need to take the route I wanted to take, not a road I needed to tread. I could say that this is also driven by circumstances, but totally different from those which made me decide to stay. It pains me to leave this place behind, knowing how we're interdependent in our goal of making this company grow. However, taking away the emotional component of this decision, I know for certain that the company is bigger than a single part of it.
Thinking about what lies ahead, moving on now is the right thing for me to do if I want to pursue my passion. I can't let opportunities slide by because I'm being too cautious of choosing "the right thing" according to the standards of the people that matter to me.
I have chosen "me" before, but it was too soon, pressured by time, and decided by things that are beyond my control. This time around, I am choosing "me" because of a grand plan bigger than this one decision. I am plunging into an unknown, but in a time I determined myself. This is, after all, a learned decision made through deep reflection; I'm fully aware of what to expect and what I'm leaving behind. This isn't forced by a deadline set by others or a blind ambition. This is one step towards a goal, which leads to multiple other life goals.
All that's left for me to do now, is jump.
The end of June 2014 will be the edge I jump off from.
