..."The One"...

We live in a world where we are made to believe that "true love" happens when you find "The One" - the person that you are "destined" to be with in this lifetime. 

However, like the movies and stories that we watched and we were told, it's just a fantasy. 

Sure, wedding videos and stories of real couples we know would have us believe otherwise, but that's only because they have to be the protagonists to their own fairy tales. 

"The One" is not real, but love is. 

Not everyone has the luck of finding the right person immediately - some have to go through several "The Ones" before finding the person they would spend the rest of their lives with. 

I dated a girl in high school and had a petty falling out with my cousin because I thought that she was "The One," but that fairy tale didn't even last a year.

Early in college, I met a girl who I thought was "The One" and even if she hinted at reciprocating my emotions from time to time, it mostly felt like a one-sided love. 

The next year, I met someone who I felt I wanted to take care of. She was a bubbly girl who always seemed happy, and I strongly felt that I needed to keep her happy. 

Like my previous relationships, I hoped that she would be "The One" for the hopeless romantic in me. 

Our relationship started with a lot of awkwardness, a certain level of friendship, and a one-sided romantic feeling coming from me. 

After almost 15 years since that day that we first met, we're now blessed with a 2-year-old toddler and heading to our fourth wedding anniversary in a colorful decade-and-a-half together.

Almost 15 years in, and our smiles are still as real as the first day we met,
and I'm thankful that our little boy inherited his mother's bright smile

  

As romantic as "love as first sight" is, it doesn't happen in real life, nor does "The One" appear in your life and you instantly know that that person is "destined" for you. 

Similar to starting a fire, one has to ignite a spark before love can blossom. 

I hoped that my wife would be "The One" for me, and while she didn't see it that way then, I put in the effort to make her know that I truly wanted to be that person for her.  

She took a leap, and we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place if she didn't take the risk of trusting me.

Even as we got together and culminated our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a big wedding, our story didn't end there. 

It's still going on, because reality doesn't have a "happily ever after" and we have to constantly go through challenges without the promise that it will be the last big hurdle in our lives. 

So stop living in a fantasy world where "The One" will suddenly step out of your dreams and into your life to magically solve all your love problems. 

Meet people, get to know them, and don't be afraid that you're making a wrong choice, because every mistake is an opportunity to grow and learn, and the reward could lead to a lifetime of happiness with a partner. 

You just have to take the leap and ignite that fire. 

...Inevitable Truths...

Vino attends play school now, playing and interacting with like-aged kids for two hours a day, three times a week.

For a couple of sessions, I’ve been told by teachers that Vino has been a bit aggressive when the other kids play with toys he likes to play with.

Growing up with not much playmates apart from me and Ate Jen, Vino is still not used to playing with kids his age. He shares his toys when we ask him, but playing with the smaller kids who can’t express through words yet makes it seem like the kids are just taking the toys away from him – something he doesn’t really like.

When we do play at the playground, I observe Vino’s behavior with other kids. When a big kid insists on playing with some big kid toys (i.e. air blasters that shoot out soft balls), Vino takes a step back and lets the kid take it. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he just looks at me and moves on to another activity.

As a parent, I can just chalk this up to growing pains, but I can’t help but wonder how to introduce some inevitable truths that he will have to come to terms with.

People Take Advantage

We're never really in a fair fight in real life.
(source: https://www.toonpool.com/cartoons/unfair%20advantage_103529)

In the kids’ section of the Church we go to, we asked Vino to share his toy with a kid who shared his, then this older kid comes in (probably around 4 or 5) and takes a piece of plastic bottle cap or something, proceeds to let Vino believe that it’s a toy, and takes Vino’s toy away.

I’m supposed to teach my kid the value of sharing at an early age, but when people like that big kid comes around, how can I tell him that what that kid did is a totally different concept?

We encounter the big kid when we grow older – people still take advantage of those who are too nice 

to speak up.

I’ve had friends who worked harder than their bosses for a fraction of the salary. There are some who accepted compensation well below what they deserved based on output just so they could at least be paid. I even had a friend who wouldn’t have learned that the company wasn’t paying his taxes (even if it’s deducted from his pay and reflected on his payslip) if he didn’t decide to leave.

People in relationships also go through it as well, with one party doing what they want to do and the other just accepting it in an effort to “keep the peace”.

There’s a Filipino saying that goes “walang manloloko kung walang magpapaloko,” which translates to “there won’t be con men if there are no victims.”

The quote is a perfect example of how conning people is encouraged rather than frowned upon.

It makes me want to choose if my kid should be the one taking advantage of people or if he would be taken advantage of, when ideally, I would want him to trust that people would be just as nice to him as he is to them.

The World Is Not All Song and Play

Gotta teach the kid the art of not giving a f*ck.
(Source: https://www.pinterest.ph/supriya9/quotes-d/)

Vino enjoys watching nursery rhymes like other kids. His laughs are priceless as he sings along and dances to the tunes.

I’m almost afraid of him growing up to realize what else the world has to offer.

The Amazon burns, the Arctic is melting, Filipino kids are denouncing their parents in order to join extreme leftists, and people are debating about where transgenders are supposed to pee.

Vegetarians promote their lifestyle to a point that some shame meat eaters, some nationalities assert their superiority over others like they own the world, and there are just some people who think their opinions are the only ones that matter.  

We don’t live in a world where our only problem is “what shape can we use as a fin for our beach ball fish?”

Having met a lot of people with different experiences, I understand that there are people who will think they are better than others and will do whatever they can to pull others down instead of proving that they are.

There are people who will leave trash behind or throw their cigarette butts just about anywhere, but would support saving the world in their social media feeds.

I want my kid to grow up to care about people, but people are not giving me enough reasons to make him want to care.

I want him to grow up embracing his roots, but my countrymen are not helping themselves by voting in idiots in the government.

He will have to grow up in a world where every little thing is an issue and he’ll have his work cut out for him if he wants to do anything about the bigger issues.  

I'm afraid that he will grow up in a world where he has no voice, because every damn thing is bound to offend someone, but more importantly, at the rate the world is deteriorating, it's terrifying to accept the fact that there may not be a world to grow up in. 

Truth is Fabricated

What is the truth, then?
(Source: http://www.campbellexpress.com/download/view%20all%20campbell%20express%20archives%20/2018_campbell_express_archives/02_-_february_2018/20180228.pdf)

I saw a quote somewhere that said that “a lie told often enough becomes truth.”

I think that quote is the basis of troll factories, which have become powerful tools that make or break a person or issue through the internet.

It makes it difficult to filter out the actual truth that even some grown-ups are confused at which are legitimate news or not.

From news without basis that spread like wildfire to digital editing that could produce deepfakes or virtual reality, it has become easier to spread misinformation than truth.

As a Philosophy major in college, I’ve always valued the pursuit of truth. In my professional career, I make it a point to ground all my articles on reliable research even if it is an opinion piece, so what could be written in under an hour, I do for two hours just so I can have multiple sources for my story.

Inevitably, Vino will have his own social media account in the future, and will be able to surf the web without my guidance.

He’ll open himself up to a world of make-believe, with people spreading stories so often that it becomes the reality.

While there may have been manufactured truths when I was growing up, I didn’t have the wealth of information that Vino might have access to when he grows older.

=========================================================

I understand that the world is not all bad.

There are still good people in the world, it's just a bit more difficult to find them.

I didn't grow up to be who I am because my parents guided me or because the school system I grew up in was perfect in preparing me for this world, but rather because I was shaped by my experiences and interactions with people I came to know.

I was blessed to be surrounded by nice enough people to learn from, and not too evil people to drive me out of my path.

I've always wanted to be that parent who was always available to my kid, but I know that he can't learn everything from me, as I didn't learn what I know from a single person.

Eventually, he'll have a life of his own, and all I can do is hope that I've guided him enough to be able to determine the right type of people to surround himself with. 

...Bacon and Eggs...

I came to Australia for my brother's wedding because that's what families do, but I didn't realize I was supposed to be the Best Man.

I didn't want to speak, but I felt like I should at least do something, right?

The bride walked down the isle to the tune of the Imperial March. These two get each other.

The two of them shared vows today, and while Job shared the story of how he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with Liz, Liz said that Job was the "bacon to my (her) eggs" - that he makes the her better, and that they were inseparable.

Incidentally, Job was telling us that he survived most of his first few months alone in Australia living off bacon end eggs, so I thought it was a perfect title for their wedding.

Anyway, if I took my shot at saying a few words earlier, here is how it would have went:

Job is the youngest of three children. I'm not sure how you got to know him, but we knew him as the computer nerd who kept following his big brother around.

For me, it was impossible to see him as a mature adult, especially as that older brother whose actions he constantly tried to emulate.

And now, he got married to a beautiful wife, and they already have an adorable kid together.

When Job and Liz visited the Philippines for the first time, I learned that they had two versions of how they met each other. 

That is not my story to tell, but most of you probably know about it. 

It seems like a fun thing, being so in tune with each other while telling a diffierent version of one thing.

If the US could make a TV series called How I Met Your Mother that lasted for 9 seasons, why can't Job and Liz have their fun, right?

Personally, it was all the same to me, because at the end of the day, what matters is what they have now; a love for each other that easily radiates when you see them.

It's no wonder that the product of their love is that little ray of sunshine called Caleb. 

I'm no expert in love, but as someone who has met the woman who I would spend the rest of my life with, I enjoy outcomes more than beginnings.

Job and Liz are two people who found each other at the right time.

I married my wife after 11 years being together with her, and while this couple didn't take quite as long to decide to tie the knot, it never felt rushed to me, because I knew that they knew what they were doing. 

My brother would share some of his life events with me and our older sister, and the way he talks about Liz made me feel assured that this was a serious relationship right from the start. 

I mean, like I said, Job was a computer nerd for me. By the time Liz went on a third date with him, I knew she was a keeper. 

Not a lot of people can handle or understand my brother, and while I don't really have a choice as his brother, other people can easily just shut him off.

Yet this girl decided to go on more than one date with him. 

What my family and I never realized is that Job has actually grown up ever since he moved out.

He's not the same, pesky kid who's only looking for his brother's approval, but rather, more of a man who's working on a bright future for him and his family.

He's no longer just playing a character in a video game, he's now part of a small community, interacting and caring for a number of people.

He loves what he does, the people he cares for appreciate him, and his co-workers and friends know him as a fun guy.

Suddenly, my little brother is actually a mature adult now. 

To Steve and Maria, and the rest of Liz's family, I can't tell you what to expect from the kid I grew up with, because clearly, he is a completely different man now that he has actually grown up. 

What I can tell you is that I didn't turn out pretty bad myself, and our sister is doing alright on her own as well.

This is a result of being raised by two loving parents who wanted nothing but the best for us.

We strive to repay their love for us by being the best that we can be, and I know that Job will be doing the same.

To my newest sister, thank you for helping my nerdy little brother grow up. 

I hope you remain patient with him for all his flaws, as I know that he'll fix those to be better for you and Caleb.

It's alright to be worried about the future, because nobody knows for certain what's going to happen, but after today, you're officially bound together in facing all that uncertainty.

It's gonna be fun.

Cheers to you guys!

..."Bob"...

“Ikaw ba si Bob Ong?”
(“Are you Bob Ong?”)

Around 2008, my friend Imon had told me about this girl he met online.

He was dealing with a pretty bad breakup from a girl who he’s been with for over five years at the time, and he’s poured most of his frustrations by writing some of his best works in his personal blogsite.

At the time, there’s this rising author by the name of Bob Ong, who was witty, funny, and relatable for most people.

Quick Google search of his works made me realize he wasn't a new writer at the time, but for some reason, it was around 2008 when I got to know about him.

For some reason, his works gave the same vibe as that guy for multiply user “serioustraveler” and they started to have a conversation in the comments section.

It was pre-Tinder or anything online dating related, Facebook was on the rise, and we were still able to make blogs on a website known as Multiply.

In true Imon fashion, the conversation was pretty much just bullshit, but apparently, they took a chance on each other and eventually had a private conversation.

The next thing I know, I picked Imon up for a random basketball game with our Philosophy juniors (we have already graduated at the time), and there she was; a young girl who was probably younger than the guys we were going to play against, with a bright smile that made her taller than she actually was, and eyes so innocent you would wash your mouth if you cursed around her.

“Si Ella nga pala,” he said, having already briefed me in the car that this was the girl in the comments section.

Naturally, I tried my best to befriend her, as I have taken pride in being that guy who welcomed people into our circle.

It didn’t look like it was serious at first, because I knew for a fact that my friend was on the rebound, but he was happy to find someone who appreciates him, and she was happy to meet a brilliant character.

They met a few more times; soon, he took her to one of our get-togethers, and our good friend Christian even had the confidence to vouch for Imon.

“Si Imon ang pinakamabait kong kaibigan (Imon is my most well-behaved friend),” he said, pretty standard line for anyone that is introduced to him by any of us.

“Itataya ko lahat ng law books ko, di ka lolokohin nyan (I bet all my law books that he will not cheat on you).”

Christian was a law student at the time. He made a few missteps during our college days, but he is one of the rare ones who made it through four years in UST Law and pass the bar exams on his first try, so you can bet that those law books were pretty important for him.

It was a bad bet, really.

After his brother graduated in college, Imon decided leave the condo they were staying at in Katipunan to teach in a school near his home province.

There, he would tell me about meeting an amazing girl who checked out all the boxes of his dream girl, and probably more.

He felt that they had a connection, and eventually called it quits with Ella.

Ella was a mess after that.

She didn’t know what she did wrong, or what she could have done to keep him – all she knew was the pain of being left alone.

After seeing my mom at her worst dealing with heartbreak, I vowed to do everything in my power to not let anyone close to me go through the same pain.

Despite Imon’s honesty to me, I chose to betray his trust.

I told Ella about that girl. I advised her to let him go, because he broke her trust, and that if he did it once, I could not assure her he would not do it again.

I told Ella to not let him into her life again, especially if she couldn’t learn to trust that he would take care of her heart the way that it deserved to be.

Imon is my friend, but if he would constantly cheat, she would be throwing away her youth for a lifetime of grief, and I thought that if my friend could break her trust, he could get over losing Ella eventually.

I gain nothing from it, other than I know that I’m doing my part in Ella’s life to help her avoid a lifetime of suffering.

   

They would lose touch for a while, with Imon later deciding not to pursue dream girl, knowing he did Ella wrong.

It didn’t take long before they were in contact again, but this time with Imon more cautious on being honest around me, and Ella dreading judgment after going against my advice.

I might have lost two friends at this point, but if I were given the chance to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't change a thing.

At the end of the day, they had their own realizations, and decided to be better for each other. Maybe I played a part in it, maybe I didn’t.

What matters is that they welcomed a baby boy to the world, and he is growing up to be a fine young man because they learned how to be parents together.

They didn’t map out what they would do for the rest of their lives, but they knew that they were going to be living the rest of it together as a family.

Earlier this month, more than a decade after that first day that “serioustraveler” thought that “iamtheblur” is not Bob Ong, Ella and Imon have decided to tie the knot.

Gatecrashed the family event, so decided to take photos instead of being part of it.

It was not a huge, fancy wedding in a Church you would assume a couple who stayed together that long would finally have; rather, it was a quick ceremony made official by the highest-ranking official of the city that saw their family blossom.

Despite living in a different country, I wasn’t going to miss it for anything in the world.

I may not have been their best friend, but I knew that at some point in their lives, my opinion mattered to them, or else they would not have shared their heartaches with me.

I was probably the only non-family member who was invited to be at the ceremony, but I didn’t care.

I had to see it.

I had to be there.

Their unlikely love story is probably not a recipe for an all-time romantic movie, but it is a real story, with real people who faced real problems.

As life goes on, the wedding is far from their happily-ever-after, but it was an event that gave me much joy, as if I was actually part of their story.

Of course, there’s probably more to their story.

I don’t know how Imon swept Ella off her feet twice, or how they had a kid despite being so conservative to the point of having a forehead kiss on the “you may kiss the bride” part of their wedding ceremony.

Even Mayor was surprised by this.

All I know is, that despite my efforts in trying to keep them apart to save them from heartache, they decided to find happiness with each other.

They could have chosen to cut me off from their lives after getting back together, but instead, they chose to keep me around, and invited me to arguably the biggest day of their relationship.

Even if they did cut me off when they decided to get back together, I would live happily with the thought that they found their way back to each other.

While there are so many things in this world that are beyond our control, choosing who we love and what to do about it is well within our powers.

People will have varying opinions on how you want to live your life, and while most of them will go against your beliefs, every one of them was intended to help you get through your challenges.

If you tell anyone about the story of “Bob,” it would be easy to think that it was a story about a fling that wouldn’t even last a year.

And yet, here we are, more than 10 years after they shared their common interest in an author whose popularity waned a few years after they met, and they are still working towards a better future for each other and their kid.

If anything, their love teaches us that you should never be afraid to take a chance, and always choose what’s best for you.