...Let Me Tell You About My Mom...

My mom is an example of a genuinely nice person who is always misunderstood – as in no one really understands her.

Rare solo pic of my mom, and only because I got married in 2015

I have endless stories of how she drives my dad, my sister, my brother and me crazy with her comments, complaints, and decisions that I feel like if Jokoy and I switched moms, he’d be a bigger star than he is.

Here’s a quick conversation my sister had with her recently:

Sis: I’ll just send this package to my friend because I can’t deliver it personally.

Mom: Why? The delivery might be more expensive than the package! You have so much cash now that you’d rather just spend money on having it delivered than go by yourself?

Sis: My son is being difficult right now, and besides, she’s the one paying for the delivery fee.

Mom: Isn’t it embarrassing to your friend? What if I just pay for it?

Like a typical mom, there is no right or wrong answer to any of her questions – she will have a comment on just about anything you would say.

She would often complain about having no money, but she’ll insist on buying (and actually buying) an irrationally expensive version of what you are looking for.

My mom cares too much about what people think. She will never admit to it, but she does.

However, she can be a bit tactless at times, speaking thoughtlessly with what she presumes are light-natured jokes, but may actually be a little bit offensive to someone, thus creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.  

Case in point: at my brother’s wedding, his would-be-bride was a bit late, something that would not be so surprising considering she was hands-on about everything, opting not to get a wedding coordinator.

After five minutes past the invitation time, my mom kept joking to the bride’s parents that it seems she’s going to be a runaway bride because she isn’t there yet. (I called her out after blurting out the same joke three times, and she was wondering why I did.)

At times, she will care too much that it will make you uncomfortable to the point of irritation.

She makes a fuss about the smallest things and will hold a grudge forever – she has never once joined her high school reunion particularly because she didn’t like this one person from her batch, so believe me when I say that if you did something against her at some point in your life, she may not have forgiven you just yet.

She is not perfect, but I do love her, which led me to write this.

See, my mom, for all her quirks, is really just a genuinely nice person.

She’s the type to make sure that we have clothes that fit right even if she will update her own wardrobe once every decade, extend our allowances in the middle of the week if we run out of money so that we can eat properly despite not doing the same for herself, and makes sure that there is always food on the table for whatever time anyone wakes up or goes home.

Outside of our own family, she would volunteer herself to help someone who needs something done, at times even if it’s out of the way. She would always thought of the well-being of others before she thought about herself.

She raised us up with the goal of making us turn out to be good people. Some of the things she instilled in us are the habit of not borrowing money so that we won’t be a bother to anyone, the mindset of making sure to bring something over when we’re invited to someone else’s home, and never trampling on any person to gain an advantage in life.

And yet, despite her good nature, all she gets is self-pity.

At 66 years old, this woman still travels at least two hours from Cainta to Binondo to work in the office that she has gone to for over 40 years now, and endures the evening rush to go back home from Monday to Saturday.

She can’t retire because she worries too much about what happens when she’s no longer working, and she has no concept of relaxing or taking a break, so it would be a nightmare for her to wake up one day and not have to do what she has been doing for more than two decades.

She has no social life, no hobbies, and spends her free time either playing games on her tablet or watching Tulfo.

Her one actual friend is one of the few people (apart from family) who I sincerely believe cares for her with no ulterior motives.

It’s easy to ridicule and laugh at her missteps, but not a lot of people really know what she has gone through, and I’m taking the chance to write this.

I have this uncle who everyone also laughed at because of his amazingly unlucky hand in gambling, but he can’t stop doing it. Earlier in the millennium, we lost him because of an unbelievably stupid case of mistaken identity.

At his wake, people came and shared how much of a good person my uncle was.

I don’t want that to happen to my mom.

I want her to know that she is loved while she is with us. I can’t change what she is, and if she can’t love herself as much as I’d want to, I at least want to make her feel that she is loved, like really loved – not loved because she’s going to buy you stuff in Divisoria, or because she’s going to pay the tab when you dine out, or because she’s going to lend you money you probably won’t pay back, or because she will do you a favor no one else would.

I don’t want people telling me how much they appreciate my mom “when she lived” because no one seems to appreciate her now that she is living.

For most of her life, she has worried about others that she would forget about taking care of herself.

This is woman is genuinely a gift to mankind despite her imperfections, and she deserves better than self-pity.  

So when all these lockdowns are over and you get a chance to meet her, I hope that you could give her a genuine smile or do something nice for her so that she would feel that love could extend beyond her family.  

...TER's Day Thursday: Things I Learned from My Uncles...

My dad and his 12 siblings grew up in a pretty independent household and produced different personalities – from strict, traditional disciplinarians to fun, but almost too carefree uncles and aunts.

It was a very well defined division that I was told as a kid to stay away from some uncles because “I would grow up the wrong way.”

These are the same uncles that made me sip my first taste of beer when I was in the third grade, and later urged me to have my first bottle in a family gathering while they distracted my dad nearby.

Not even half of my family, but our batch of cousins was close to complete,
and one of the younger ones had a baptism of fire of sorts on this night 

Approaching my 34^th year of life, I think I grew up to be a pretty decent human being despite being exposed to these “bad influences” in my life.

You can’t get burned if you never touched fire, and I believe that my dad and his siblings became the people that they are precisely because they learned when they got burned by their mistakes.

As such, I hung out with my uncles, because despite their carefree nature, they are very much concerned about our well-being, and they didn’t want us to fall to the same pits they had to climb out of.

Good or bad, here are some of the lessons I learned from all of them, including my dad:

1. Vices are inevitable.

Getting my first sip of beer in the third grade and getting pushed by my uncles to drink when I was in my first year in high school might seem irresponsible, but hear me out.

Being as exposed as they were growing up (they lived in the heart of the town and had regular mah jong players frequent their house), they understood that habits and vices are almost an inevitable part of one’s life.

Instead of finding our vices in drugs or smoking, they chose to expose us to beer early hoping for either of these two outcomes:

a. We don’t like it and hate it so much that when we get older, we’d think that it wasn’t worthwhile.

b. We liked it, and find it enjoyable, so we’d have this vice instead of the other two.

For the most part, it was a pretty good batting average as there are only a handful of us who picked up smoking (probably less than 10 in 40 kids).

We all grew up to drink though, but I can bet all my fingers that you will have a good time when you join any of our sessions.

2. You can choose your friends, but never your family.

With such a diverse family, it’s natural to have personalities that would clash from time to time. In my lifetime, I’ve seen some of my uncles and/or aunts not talk to each other for extended periods of time because of said differences, but would eventually get together like nothing happened.

Most arguments are of petty causes brought about by ego, but there are some that led to serious issues. However, more than drilling the concept in our minds, they showed through their actions and camaraderie just how thick blood is compared to water.

They are not the most affectionate bunch, and admitting fault in any way almost never happens, but despite those, we learn to get over differences because we are a family.

3. Do anything you want, as long as you can stand by it.

This is one of the most important things my dad always taught me, as his dad taught him.

With such a big family, they had to figure out independence from a very young age. As a result, almost every one of them grew up to be self-made people who enjoyed a degree of success in their chosen fields.

Growing up, my dad never imposed rules on me. He wouldn’t tell me to study or sleep early on a school night, what mattered to him was that I woke up for school and passed my subjects.

In a way, it taught me my limits. I had the freedom to do what I wanted, but considering their own careers with however little that they had, there were high expectations from our generation to achieve or exceed their achievements.

I couldn’t be thoughtlessly irresponsible because though they held a safety net to catch me, they made it very clear that they were letting go after the catch.

With so many considerations before acting, I carry close to no regrets in life, because I know that whatever I did was the best possible action at the time that I did it.

4. There are no problems in life,you create them.

My grandfather imparted this to his children, and I believe it is one of the main reasons why we’re generally happy people.

It’s basically his version of Occam’s Razor – don’t overcomplicate things.

For my grandfather, we create our own problems by worrying about things. If you’re hungry, you eat. 

If you can’t eat, you find a way to eat instead of finding excuses why you’re not eating.

You hate your work? Leave or suck it up. Can’t suck it up but can’t leave? You created your own problem right there.

It seems too simple to be life-changing, but I believe it helped me become a person who never carries burdens.

5. Enjoy the fruits of your labor, but never stop planting seeds.

One of my uncles is seen by his older siblings as someone who is too carefree to be considered as a “role model.” However, he never took it upon himself to be a “role model” and instead treated me and my cousins as he did his close friends.

During one of our sessions, he shared how much of a rollercoaster his life had been. He said that in his youth, he got to earn more than the average person of his age and indulged in things he enjoyed – mostly drinking in bars.

Looking back, he thought he was too generous for his own good, and regretted that he wasn’t able to buy himself insurance or invest in something worthwhile, because eventually, those funds ran dry, and a complicated turn of events pushed him out of employment for an extended period of time.

He shared his cautionary tale during my mid 20’s, because while he enjoyed our company, he wanted us to take the chances that he neglected to take when he was our age.

He didn’t regret being generous though, because at the end of the day, it made him and the people around him happy. 

6. How we are shaped greatly affects our choices in life.

Most of the men in our family had flings apart from their significant others, and they stuck together to keep those flings from their respective partners.

I always wondered why they did it, since my aunts were family when they got married, and during one of our sessions, it was explained to me why it was natural for them.

Of the 13 siblings, not all of them were my grandmother’s kids. However, I grew up not knowing this because of their close bond, and even if it was shocking, I didn’t care to know who were not my grandmother’s children because it really didn’t matter.

That was the culture that they grew up in – being open and accepting of my grandfather’s infidelity. I wasn’t brought up that way, which led me to feel indifferent about how they cover for each other.

I realized that our life choices are shaped by our environment, and not everyone was brought up the same way that I was. It helped me have a better appreciation for the diverse personalities in my life.

I've imposed my morals on people as if I am infallible, but I know now that what I know to be naturally right might not be as easy to do when one grew up in a radically different environment. 

7. Cheating may be caused by the unlikeliest reasons.

When I had a chance, I asked one of my uncles why he cheated on his wife.

I expected something about unhappiness, growing distant, losing physical contact, or something like that. But I got a totally different answer:

“Because I had the power.”

In more modern terms, it was basically a flex.

He didn’t have to, he could have chosen not to, but he did, because he can. Going back to the previous point, he grew up in a culture where infidelity is not that big of a deal, and so when he had the chance, he did it himself.

I've seen how cheating affects both parties, and I dread the idea of my wife experiencing it. Understanding the causes of cheating might help me navigate away from it, and it was enlightening to know that the real world does not always adhere to clichés. 

8. People are more than their titles and social status.

My dad and my uncles treat everyone with respect, and those who have reached a management position won the hearts of their subordinates precisely because they are treated as people rather than underlings.

They are equal-opportunity bosses who don’t look at which school you came from or your previous work experience. If you believed that you can handle the job and subsequently prove it, you had a chance to work your way up.

My dad promoted people who would otherwise be found unqualified by other bosses, and in return, they showed everyone else in management that my dad did the right thing. 

My dad and his brothers are so well-loved by their respective subordinates that we were treated like royalty when we are first introduced to them.

It helped me gain the confidence to converse with just about any type of personality. It taught me not to be intimidated by rich business owners and never look down on a street vendor or a utility man or the waiter at the bar.

Names, titles, and social status don’t really matter when you’re talking to people, because like my dad said, we all breathe the same air and our farts all smell bad.  

9. It’s never too late to make things right. 

In Niccolo Machiavelli’s The Prince, he posits that ideally, one should be both feared and loved, but admits that it is difficult to achieve, and that if one needs to make a choice between the two, he should be feared rather than loved.

One of my uncles best illustrated this idea in his lifetime as a father. He was the type of guy who would make you feel like you killed a person if you leaned on his car and chose to be feared in order to establish his dominance.

However, at some point, he became such a teddy bear that almost nobody believed he was actually trying to make a change for his kids.  

When before, my cousins would cower in fear when their dad got home from work, they eventually looked forward to hugging him when he comes to the door, and I believe they still do to this day.

We sometimes tease him for trying to make up for his past a little too much already, and while he’s dangerously close to being on the negative spectrum of the “loved” part (i.e. subjects take the liberty to do what they please) at times, I believe he is much closer to the ideal than where he was earlier in our lives.

It showed me that it doesn’t matter what your situation is or how old you are, the key to achieving a goal is to start working towards it.  

10. Never stop playing.

One of my uncles was known for his unlucky streak in gambling.

He bet on card games, horse races, and whatever he can bet on, but he wasn’t always lucky. They even told me a story that he once walked all the way from Sta. Ana Racetrack back to their home in San Juan because he lost all his money on the track and didn’t have money to go back home.

Win or lose he always kept a smile on his face, and would shout his classic line “whattalayp!” (“what a life!”) whenever he lost.

He always believed that he would win somehow, and while it didn’t always end up winning, he happily accepted his fate and looked forward to another chance the next day.

One day, that chance didn’t come for him because he was abruptly taken away from us.

I knew him as a person that put his family above everything else despite his habit of gambling (he’s gambling so that he could give more than what he can for his family anyway), and someone who always believed that things will turn out for the best if you persevere (which explains why he keeps gambling).

He understood that playing means there will be winners and losers, and that no matter how high the stakes, it’s still just a game.

Some people can take games too seriously that they forget that it’s just a game – win or lose, we’re still going to live another day, and play another game.

In life, no matter how far down we think we are, we just have to believe that our time will come.

It may not be tomorrow, it may not be soon, but you’ve got to persevere because we can’t win if we stop playing.

11. Embrace your flaws, and the world can’t harm you.

My aunts and uncles are probably the some of the most irritating people you could be around with if you take life and body image too seriously.

Once, one of my uncles loudly chanted “Defense!... Defense!” to encourage his visitor who was playing my cousin…in chess.

When I was a kid, they would laugh at my face while I cried and later on, my sharp chin would be their favorite thing to make fun of.

I remembered getting hurt, feeling ugly, and felt really insecure about my whole personality.

However, when I came to an all-boys school in high school, I realized that the words bullies might use to hurt me are the same things that I’ve been teased with all my life, and so nothing got to me.

I was a skinny nerd and a new kid in a harsh high school environment, but somehow, I blended in with any crowd I chose to be part of.

No matter how harsh my family seemed to be when they made fun of me, it somehow helped me not to think too highly of myself, and made me embrace the flaws that I couldn’t do anything about.

Ultimately, it became the armor I needed to face all the cruel people of the world.

==========================

I know I learned a lot more from them, but these are some of the first ones that come to mind.

Maybe I’m overthinking their actions, but nonetheless, I’m thankful to have grown up under their guidance, directly or indirectly, and I can only hope that I would be able to pass on their best lessons to my growing boy.

...Pumpkin...

When I got married, I also became a brother to four younger sisters.

My own older sister has been pretty much independent throughout our lives, and while my little brother followed me around when we were younger, he grew to carve his own path in life, so we take care of each other differently.

My new sisters, they were different.

I met them when they were as young as 10 years old, so I always felt responsible to take care of them somehow.

Over the past couple of months, two of them got married, with one of the twins tying the knot just this weekend.

It was an incredibly intimate ceremony of about 50 expected guests that included select family and friends, but it was festive despite the heat.

That said, I felt the need to share their story.

Some years back, Kathreen took the chance to become an exchange student in South Korea because she wanted a better future for herself.

People may argue that she could do that without leaving the country, her whole family, her boyfriend, her friends, and her job among others, but these people may have a different view of what a "better future" is.

She went to a beautiful country that offered knowledge that could advance her career, but she had to deal with loneliness, the language barrier, and some complications with the program she chose.

She studied what she needed to and even learned to speak the language, but unforeseen challenges and loneliness cannot be overcome by just those. 

At the time when she was at her lowest, fate would deal another shot in the gut as she learned how her boyfriend was unfaithful while she was miles away.

It was at around that time when we visited South Korea and met with her.

"Emotional support"

When we came to Busan, she introduced her housemate, JP.

The tall dude was respectful, reserved, and tried as hard as he could to strike a conversation with everyone.

But most importantly, I knew that he was all those because he cared for Kath.

Team Korea! Not in picture, JP, because at this point, he was a random friend.

Some months after that, Kath graduated from the exchange program and went back to the Philippines.

It didn't take long for JP to follow Kath back to the Philippines and get together as a couple.

When I asked Kath if she would move to Korea or if JP would move to the Philippines, she said she isn't looking too far ahead.

However, in November last year, JP proposed, and we learned that they were going to get married this January.

Like anyone else, I naturally thought that it seemed that their relationship progressed too quickly, but I knew that every one of us moves at a different pace.

When they exchanged their vows, I knew that even if it all happened in less than a year, there was no use to delay the inevitable.

"When we visited this place the first time, the staff asked me if I was a businessman," JP said.

"I said I was Kathreen's boyfriend."

"I realized that I was nothing but a lover of Kathreen."

With that short anecdote, JP bared his soul to everyone in attendance.

He was not defining himself in any other way - not a first time tourist, not by what he did, and not even by his name.

Even before getting married, he defined himself as a partner.

Meanwhile, Kath shared a different story that also showed why JP was the man she was going to spend the rest of her life with.

She said that her favorite cafeteria spots were right across each other, but she never talked to him.

In South Korea, suicide is rampant because of the immense pressure brought about by various factors in different age groups.

Knowing this, Kath was worried when she didn't see JP for consecutive days in the cafeteria.

When he finally turned up, she gathered the courage to talk to him.

"I didn't want to lose the chance to save him," she said in her vow.

They had pumpkin soup together when that first conversation happened.

It's not special by any means, but it started what became a beautiful friendship that blossomed into mutual care for each other.

They wanted to save each other, as they stood across one another while they delivered their vows, they both promised to protect each other from the cruelness of the world.

JP expressed how much Kath changed him, describing how selfish he was and how huge his ego was, so he felt that Kath saved him from himself.

He dreamed of a life that never even crossed his mind before Kath came along.

Meanwhile, Kath couldn't stop expressing her gratitude for being there at her worst, and felt that he saved her from utter depression, which helped give her strength to pull everything together and persevere through all her challenges.

It was an easy decision for her to start a new life with him in the country where they met, even if she didn't think about it when they first got together.

They have had each other's backs since they first met, and more than promise love that they already have, they both vowed that they will protect each other, and I believe every word of it.

As a big brother to that little girl who grew up to be a fine woman, I feel at ease to share the responsibility of caring for Kath with a man who has my same passion to protect her.

No matter how fast everything happened, everything just made sense.

They were meant to be together.

And now, they are.

Newly weds minutes before making it official :) 

..."The One"...

We live in a world where we are made to believe that "true love" happens when you find "The One" - the person that you are "destined" to be with in this lifetime. 

However, like the movies and stories that we watched and we were told, it's just a fantasy. 

Sure, wedding videos and stories of real couples we know would have us believe otherwise, but that's only because they have to be the protagonists to their own fairy tales. 

"The One" is not real, but love is. 

Not everyone has the luck of finding the right person immediately - some have to go through several "The Ones" before finding the person they would spend the rest of their lives with. 

I dated a girl in high school and had a petty falling out with my cousin because I thought that she was "The One," but that fairy tale didn't even last a year.

Early in college, I met a girl who I thought was "The One" and even if she hinted at reciprocating my emotions from time to time, it mostly felt like a one-sided love. 

The next year, I met someone who I felt I wanted to take care of. She was a bubbly girl who always seemed happy, and I strongly felt that I needed to keep her happy. 

Like my previous relationships, I hoped that she would be "The One" for the hopeless romantic in me. 

Our relationship started with a lot of awkwardness, a certain level of friendship, and a one-sided romantic feeling coming from me. 

After almost 15 years since that day that we first met, we're now blessed with a 2-year-old toddler and heading to our fourth wedding anniversary in a colorful decade-and-a-half together.

Almost 15 years in, and our smiles are still as real as the first day we met,
and I'm thankful that our little boy inherited his mother's bright smile

  

As romantic as "love as first sight" is, it doesn't happen in real life, nor does "The One" appear in your life and you instantly know that that person is "destined" for you. 

Similar to starting a fire, one has to ignite a spark before love can blossom. 

I hoped that my wife would be "The One" for me, and while she didn't see it that way then, I put in the effort to make her know that I truly wanted to be that person for her.  

She took a leap, and we wouldn't have gotten together in the first place if she didn't take the risk of trusting me.

Even as we got together and culminated our boyfriend-girlfriend relationship with a big wedding, our story didn't end there. 

It's still going on, because reality doesn't have a "happily ever after" and we have to constantly go through challenges without the promise that it will be the last big hurdle in our lives. 

So stop living in a fantasy world where "The One" will suddenly step out of your dreams and into your life to magically solve all your love problems. 

Meet people, get to know them, and don't be afraid that you're making a wrong choice, because every mistake is an opportunity to grow and learn, and the reward could lead to a lifetime of happiness with a partner. 

You just have to take the leap and ignite that fire. 

...Inevitable Truths...

Vino attends play school now, playing and interacting with like-aged kids for two hours a day, three times a week.

For a couple of sessions, I’ve been told by teachers that Vino has been a bit aggressive when the other kids play with toys he likes to play with.

Growing up with not much playmates apart from me and Ate Jen, Vino is still not used to playing with kids his age. He shares his toys when we ask him, but playing with the smaller kids who can’t express through words yet makes it seem like the kids are just taking the toys away from him – something he doesn’t really like.

When we do play at the playground, I observe Vino’s behavior with other kids. When a big kid insists on playing with some big kid toys (i.e. air blasters that shoot out soft balls), Vino takes a step back and lets the kid take it. Sometimes he cries, sometimes he just looks at me and moves on to another activity.

As a parent, I can just chalk this up to growing pains, but I can’t help but wonder how to introduce some inevitable truths that he will have to come to terms with.

People Take Advantage

We're never really in a fair fight in real life.
(source: https://www.toonpool.com/cartoons/unfair%20advantage_103529)

In the kids’ section of the Church we go to, we asked Vino to share his toy with a kid who shared his, then this older kid comes in (probably around 4 or 5) and takes a piece of plastic bottle cap or something, proceeds to let Vino believe that it’s a toy, and takes Vino’s toy away.

I’m supposed to teach my kid the value of sharing at an early age, but when people like that big kid comes around, how can I tell him that what that kid did is a totally different concept?

We encounter the big kid when we grow older – people still take advantage of those who are too nice 

to speak up.

I’ve had friends who worked harder than their bosses for a fraction of the salary. There are some who accepted compensation well below what they deserved based on output just so they could at least be paid. I even had a friend who wouldn’t have learned that the company wasn’t paying his taxes (even if it’s deducted from his pay and reflected on his payslip) if he didn’t decide to leave.

People in relationships also go through it as well, with one party doing what they want to do and the other just accepting it in an effort to “keep the peace”.

There’s a Filipino saying that goes “walang manloloko kung walang magpapaloko,” which translates to “there won’t be con men if there are no victims.”

The quote is a perfect example of how conning people is encouraged rather than frowned upon.

It makes me want to choose if my kid should be the one taking advantage of people or if he would be taken advantage of, when ideally, I would want him to trust that people would be just as nice to him as he is to them.

The World Is Not All Song and Play

Gotta teach the kid the art of not giving a f*ck.
(Source: https://www.pinterest.ph/supriya9/quotes-d/)

Vino enjoys watching nursery rhymes like other kids. His laughs are priceless as he sings along and dances to the tunes.

I’m almost afraid of him growing up to realize what else the world has to offer.

The Amazon burns, the Arctic is melting, Filipino kids are denouncing their parents in order to join extreme leftists, and people are debating about where transgenders are supposed to pee.

Vegetarians promote their lifestyle to a point that some shame meat eaters, some nationalities assert their superiority over others like they own the world, and there are just some people who think their opinions are the only ones that matter.  

We don’t live in a world where our only problem is “what shape can we use as a fin for our beach ball fish?”

Having met a lot of people with different experiences, I understand that there are people who will think they are better than others and will do whatever they can to pull others down instead of proving that they are.

There are people who will leave trash behind or throw their cigarette butts just about anywhere, but would support saving the world in their social media feeds.

I want my kid to grow up to care about people, but people are not giving me enough reasons to make him want to care.

I want him to grow up embracing his roots, but my countrymen are not helping themselves by voting in idiots in the government.

He will have to grow up in a world where every little thing is an issue and he’ll have his work cut out for him if he wants to do anything about the bigger issues.  

I'm afraid that he will grow up in a world where he has no voice, because every damn thing is bound to offend someone, but more importantly, at the rate the world is deteriorating, it's terrifying to accept the fact that there may not be a world to grow up in. 

Truth is Fabricated

What is the truth, then?
(Source: http://www.campbellexpress.com/download/view%20all%20campbell%20express%20archives%20/2018_campbell_express_archives/02_-_february_2018/20180228.pdf)

I saw a quote somewhere that said that “a lie told often enough becomes truth.”

I think that quote is the basis of troll factories, which have become powerful tools that make or break a person or issue through the internet.

It makes it difficult to filter out the actual truth that even some grown-ups are confused at which are legitimate news or not.

From news without basis that spread like wildfire to digital editing that could produce deepfakes or virtual reality, it has become easier to spread misinformation than truth.

As a Philosophy major in college, I’ve always valued the pursuit of truth. In my professional career, I make it a point to ground all my articles on reliable research even if it is an opinion piece, so what could be written in under an hour, I do for two hours just so I can have multiple sources for my story.

Inevitably, Vino will have his own social media account in the future, and will be able to surf the web without my guidance.

He’ll open himself up to a world of make-believe, with people spreading stories so often that it becomes the reality.

While there may have been manufactured truths when I was growing up, I didn’t have the wealth of information that Vino might have access to when he grows older.

=========================================================

I understand that the world is not all bad.

There are still good people in the world, it's just a bit more difficult to find them.

I didn't grow up to be who I am because my parents guided me or because the school system I grew up in was perfect in preparing me for this world, but rather because I was shaped by my experiences and interactions with people I came to know.

I was blessed to be surrounded by nice enough people to learn from, and not too evil people to drive me out of my path.

I've always wanted to be that parent who was always available to my kid, but I know that he can't learn everything from me, as I didn't learn what I know from a single person.

Eventually, he'll have a life of his own, and all I can do is hope that I've guided him enough to be able to determine the right type of people to surround himself with. 

...Bacon and Eggs...

I came to Australia for my brother's wedding because that's what families do, but I didn't realize I was supposed to be the Best Man.

I didn't want to speak, but I felt like I should at least do something, right?

The bride walked down the isle to the tune of the Imperial March. These two get each other.

The two of them shared vows today, and while Job shared the story of how he knew he was going to spend the rest of his life with Liz, Liz said that Job was the "bacon to my (her) eggs" - that he makes the her better, and that they were inseparable.

Incidentally, Job was telling us that he survived most of his first few months alone in Australia living off bacon end eggs, so I thought it was a perfect title for their wedding.

Anyway, if I took my shot at saying a few words earlier, here is how it would have went:

Job is the youngest of three children. I'm not sure how you got to know him, but we knew him as the computer nerd who kept following his big brother around.

For me, it was impossible to see him as a mature adult, especially as that older brother whose actions he constantly tried to emulate.

And now, he got married to a beautiful wife, and they already have an adorable kid together.

When Job and Liz visited the Philippines for the first time, I learned that they had two versions of how they met each other. 

That is not my story to tell, but most of you probably know about it. 

It seems like a fun thing, being so in tune with each other while telling a diffierent version of one thing.

If the US could make a TV series called How I Met Your Mother that lasted for 9 seasons, why can't Job and Liz have their fun, right?

Personally, it was all the same to me, because at the end of the day, what matters is what they have now; a love for each other that easily radiates when you see them.

It's no wonder that the product of their love is that little ray of sunshine called Caleb. 

I'm no expert in love, but as someone who has met the woman who I would spend the rest of my life with, I enjoy outcomes more than beginnings.

Job and Liz are two people who found each other at the right time.

I married my wife after 11 years being together with her, and while this couple didn't take quite as long to decide to tie the knot, it never felt rushed to me, because I knew that they knew what they were doing. 

My brother would share some of his life events with me and our older sister, and the way he talks about Liz made me feel assured that this was a serious relationship right from the start. 

I mean, like I said, Job was a computer nerd for me. By the time Liz went on a third date with him, I knew she was a keeper. 

Not a lot of people can handle or understand my brother, and while I don't really have a choice as his brother, other people can easily just shut him off.

Yet this girl decided to go on more than one date with him. 

What my family and I never realized is that Job has actually grown up ever since he moved out.

He's not the same, pesky kid who's only looking for his brother's approval, but rather, more of a man who's working on a bright future for him and his family.

He's no longer just playing a character in a video game, he's now part of a small community, interacting and caring for a number of people.

He loves what he does, the people he cares for appreciate him, and his co-workers and friends know him as a fun guy.

Suddenly, my little brother is actually a mature adult now. 

To Steve and Maria, and the rest of Liz's family, I can't tell you what to expect from the kid I grew up with, because clearly, he is a completely different man now that he has actually grown up. 

What I can tell you is that I didn't turn out pretty bad myself, and our sister is doing alright on her own as well.

This is a result of being raised by two loving parents who wanted nothing but the best for us.

We strive to repay their love for us by being the best that we can be, and I know that Job will be doing the same.

To my newest sister, thank you for helping my nerdy little brother grow up. 

I hope you remain patient with him for all his flaws, as I know that he'll fix those to be better for you and Caleb.

It's alright to be worried about the future, because nobody knows for certain what's going to happen, but after today, you're officially bound together in facing all that uncertainty.

It's gonna be fun.

Cheers to you guys!

..."Bob"...

“Ikaw ba si Bob Ong?”
(“Are you Bob Ong?”)

Around 2008, my friend Imon had told me about this girl he met online.

He was dealing with a pretty bad breakup from a girl who he’s been with for over five years at the time, and he’s poured most of his frustrations by writing some of his best works in his personal blogsite.

At the time, there’s this rising author by the name of Bob Ong, who was witty, funny, and relatable for most people.

Quick Google search of his works made me realize he wasn't a new writer at the time, but for some reason, it was around 2008 when I got to know about him.

For some reason, his works gave the same vibe as that guy for multiply user “serioustraveler” and they started to have a conversation in the comments section.

It was pre-Tinder or anything online dating related, Facebook was on the rise, and we were still able to make blogs on a website known as Multiply.

In true Imon fashion, the conversation was pretty much just bullshit, but apparently, they took a chance on each other and eventually had a private conversation.

The next thing I know, I picked Imon up for a random basketball game with our Philosophy juniors (we have already graduated at the time), and there she was; a young girl who was probably younger than the guys we were going to play against, with a bright smile that made her taller than she actually was, and eyes so innocent you would wash your mouth if you cursed around her.

“Si Ella nga pala,” he said, having already briefed me in the car that this was the girl in the comments section.

Naturally, I tried my best to befriend her, as I have taken pride in being that guy who welcomed people into our circle.

It didn’t look like it was serious at first, because I knew for a fact that my friend was on the rebound, but he was happy to find someone who appreciates him, and she was happy to meet a brilliant character.

They met a few more times; soon, he took her to one of our get-togethers, and our good friend Christian even had the confidence to vouch for Imon.

“Si Imon ang pinakamabait kong kaibigan (Imon is my most well-behaved friend),” he said, pretty standard line for anyone that is introduced to him by any of us.

“Itataya ko lahat ng law books ko, di ka lolokohin nyan (I bet all my law books that he will not cheat on you).”

Christian was a law student at the time. He made a few missteps during our college days, but he is one of the rare ones who made it through four years in UST Law and pass the bar exams on his first try, so you can bet that those law books were pretty important for him.

It was a bad bet, really.

After his brother graduated in college, Imon decided leave the condo they were staying at in Katipunan to teach in a school near his home province.

There, he would tell me about meeting an amazing girl who checked out all the boxes of his dream girl, and probably more.

He felt that they had a connection, and eventually called it quits with Ella.

Ella was a mess after that.

She didn’t know what she did wrong, or what she could have done to keep him – all she knew was the pain of being left alone.

After seeing my mom at her worst dealing with heartbreak, I vowed to do everything in my power to not let anyone close to me go through the same pain.

Despite Imon’s honesty to me, I chose to betray his trust.

I told Ella about that girl. I advised her to let him go, because he broke her trust, and that if he did it once, I could not assure her he would not do it again.

I told Ella to not let him into her life again, especially if she couldn’t learn to trust that he would take care of her heart the way that it deserved to be.

Imon is my friend, but if he would constantly cheat, she would be throwing away her youth for a lifetime of grief, and I thought that if my friend could break her trust, he could get over losing Ella eventually.

I gain nothing from it, other than I know that I’m doing my part in Ella’s life to help her avoid a lifetime of suffering.

   

They would lose touch for a while, with Imon later deciding not to pursue dream girl, knowing he did Ella wrong.

It didn’t take long before they were in contact again, but this time with Imon more cautious on being honest around me, and Ella dreading judgment after going against my advice.

I might have lost two friends at this point, but if I were given the chance to do it all over again, I probably wouldn't change a thing.

At the end of the day, they had their own realizations, and decided to be better for each other. Maybe I played a part in it, maybe I didn’t.

What matters is that they welcomed a baby boy to the world, and he is growing up to be a fine young man because they learned how to be parents together.

They didn’t map out what they would do for the rest of their lives, but they knew that they were going to be living the rest of it together as a family.

Earlier this month, more than a decade after that first day that “serioustraveler” thought that “iamtheblur” is not Bob Ong, Ella and Imon have decided to tie the knot.

Gatecrashed the family event, so decided to take photos instead of being part of it.

It was not a huge, fancy wedding in a Church you would assume a couple who stayed together that long would finally have; rather, it was a quick ceremony made official by the highest-ranking official of the city that saw their family blossom.

Despite living in a different country, I wasn’t going to miss it for anything in the world.

I may not have been their best friend, but I knew that at some point in their lives, my opinion mattered to them, or else they would not have shared their heartaches with me.

I was probably the only non-family member who was invited to be at the ceremony, but I didn’t care.

I had to see it.

I had to be there.

Their unlikely love story is probably not a recipe for an all-time romantic movie, but it is a real story, with real people who faced real problems.

As life goes on, the wedding is far from their happily-ever-after, but it was an event that gave me much joy, as if I was actually part of their story.

Of course, there’s probably more to their story.

I don’t know how Imon swept Ella off her feet twice, or how they had a kid despite being so conservative to the point of having a forehead kiss on the “you may kiss the bride” part of their wedding ceremony.

Even Mayor was surprised by this.

All I know is, that despite my efforts in trying to keep them apart to save them from heartache, they decided to find happiness with each other.

They could have chosen to cut me off from their lives after getting back together, but instead, they chose to keep me around, and invited me to arguably the biggest day of their relationship.

Even if they did cut me off when they decided to get back together, I would live happily with the thought that they found their way back to each other.

While there are so many things in this world that are beyond our control, choosing who we love and what to do about it is well within our powers.

People will have varying opinions on how you want to live your life, and while most of them will go against your beliefs, every one of them was intended to help you get through your challenges.

If you tell anyone about the story of “Bob,” it would be easy to think that it was a story about a fling that wouldn’t even last a year.

And yet, here we are, more than 10 years after they shared their common interest in an author whose popularity waned a few years after they met, and they are still working towards a better future for each other and their kid.

If anything, their love teaches us that you should never be afraid to take a chance, and always choose what’s best for you.