...acting on confusion...

i've taken you out of my contacts. i can't help not to blog every once in a while. but i said i will not bother you ever again, until you're "ready". i don't want to rush things. i don't want you seeing any of my blogs popping out in the first page of your multiply updates. i don't want you to see me. a month short of 4 years could take out a lot from your identity. i have shortcomings, i know, i'm not perfect, but i want to become a better person, not just for you, but for me as well...


i feel like i've been wronged, but i don't need an apology. i feel like i did something, but i don't know what to seek forgiveness from. i miss you but it would seem i'm rushing you if i tried to talk to you right now. im praying, wishing, and hoping to hear from you, but i don't know if you've had enough time yet. i want to see you, but i don't know what to tell you.


i don't like the idea of "cool off" because i see it as an excuse for one to fool around with others, and if that doesn't work out, there's still the "cooling off" partner securely waiting for you to come back. but for this case, i'll make an exception, because i trust that you are not that type of person. i've known you well enough.


if you're reading this, you're probably logged in a different account. or you're probably wondering why you can't see my blogs. hence, i posted this for everyone to see. as you're no longer in my network. no me whatsoever.



all the space you'd need right there...




this blows. but i have t o endure. if only for you. know that i long for you, but i understand the necessity of what is happening.


i hope it doesn't take forever for you to find yourself...

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on being dispensible

it sucks to know that in this temporary life, you are dispensible no matter how much you've done for something or someone. it snaps you back to the reality that you are not as important as you think you are.

jason kidd carried the new jersey franchise on his back for so many years. and then last year, he got traded to dallas. similarly, devin harris was dubbed "the future" of the mavs organization, thinking he was an untouchable commodity in the lineup, only to be packaged with a couple of other players in that same deal.

wowee de guzman was a matinee idol of sorts back in the day. he had the universal motion dancers, a popular dance group which was even more popular than the street boys. he was paired up with judy ann santos, an up and coming young actress. all seemed well for wowee, but then hardly anyone knows him now, nor does anybody know the success the universal motion dancers had before over the streetboys (they even had a movie together with gary v)... judy ann santos would later go on to enjoy the success that she has now.

every once in a while, i think that i'm indispensible to my company. i hate it there, but i don't know if they'd get a guy like me again to make them work as efficient. then again, who am i but just another person in the 8billion filipinos around the world. i can be replaced anytime.

i love her, i know how to take care of her, and i don't know if she'd meet someone else like me who'd do all the things i do for her... but then again, i am not irreplacable.


and it sucks to know that the world goes on long after i'm gone...