...being spent...

i never thought i'd see the day that i'm stressed out with officework in the same, old (literally), boring office i have now. right now, i'm assigned to 3 different projects of different concepts and 3 different areas (men's fragrance, women's hair care, and various flavor projects such as vodka mixes [great], noodle ideas and snacks)... the flavors part is not that taxing actually, while the others, well, let's just say i get more pressured when they are.

my brain is spent. i go home wanting to hug my pillow and sleep. i go to the office wanting to close my eyes and sleep. squeezing concepts out of my mind is supposedly not new to me, but when then, i try to come up with answers to different philosophical queries [academic or just brain teasers], now i have to come up with names and concepts for these new fragrances. it's way different, but as of right now, since i haven't broken down and cried yet, i'd say philo is one up on this...

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Keeping Your Kids Away From Modelling

[sensitive topic. parental guidance. yes, that means you immature readers must stay out of this part of the blog because you won't know what you're saying.]

so we need models for our presentation. sir bernie's flirting with the girls, and he's trying to push me in doing so as well. ndi ako nagmamalinis. i could sweet talk my way, probably, and barney-up to get laid, but i wasn't raised that way. i know i could, i would, but i don't because i can't. not because i'm bound, but because i'm me.

believe me. as much a sinner as i am, that "goodness" in me has driven me away from sins i wish i could've just done. and i if you are a person who knows this by experience, shut up. i'm admitting freakin weakness here, you don't have to rub it in.

anyway. so we got promo girls from sir bernie's friend who manages a company who dispatches models to events. discussion this morning went:

Sir Bernie: volt, sarado mo pintuan.
me: (closes door)
SB: gusto mo banatan un mga un?
me: huh? haha...
SB: ndi nga, seryoso ako.
me: haha. parang... ayoko.
SB: di nga? sabhin mo lang sakin, ako bahala.

now these girls are not stand out pretty. they are about average looking [bet a mile better than the bachelor party girls, team] and make up for their loss in the looks department by wearing tight or revealing outfits. they're not the maria claras who you'd see walking around. cutting the crap [or crop. haha. no offense to those who might take offense in that], malandi rin mga babaeng un.

but to be somewhat "dangled" by some client the way Sir Bernie did, i'm thinking it's really not new for these girls.

aged 17, 18, and 21, they have already stopped studying, and are working full time for their company, but get paid only on the days that they have a project. per day, they earn 362 pesos, excluding fare and food.

it's not a good occupation.

so please, keep them away from occupations such as that. a call center may also provide the same environment, but at least they're not earning just 362pesos.

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Responsibilities and Politics

for 4 years of my college life, i have devoted a chunk of my time to politics. i've lost opportunities to be close to classmates, opportunities to excel in class, opportunities to be reckless and not image-worried. almost 2 years removed from that life, i still choose to keep track of what's happening to our party.

SDP is living it's 27th year now, and it has lived on because of people like me who care enough for the party that took care of me. a lot may have changed: personal outlooks, political strategies, overall image.. but one thing remains: the name. yes. the name.

lame as it may sound, SDP doesn't seem as it was before. we're now tame. when before, people practically cry because they didn't get the chance to run for a position, now, we practically plead for people to run for a certain position. when then it was an honor to serve the students, now, it seems we have to be thankful that candidates actually decided to run for office.

maybe culture has changed. when then, elections were such a big deal for everyone, now it seems too "showbiz" that those with the most number of supporters gain a seat.

AB has fallen into what our country has become: too sick and tired of idealist leaders who say they will do something but never really lived up to the expectations of the people, that they no longer want to push for any more change.

ayaw nang magkamali. ayaw nang magtiwalang kaya pang magbago.

i'm almost falling to that. i want the party to live on. but with everything going on, I MEAN EVERYTHING, im beginning to doubt that the party will live through another year.

the passion for service seems covered now with the sense of blind responsibility ("i have to do this because i have to"). actual responsibility now seems nothing but a side dish to the different main courses people have chosen throughout the years.

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Regrets and Rewinds

there are certain events in one's life where you think that you wouldn't be suffering as you are now if you hadn't made that particular choice. but then, you only get to think about it at the time when you're at your lowest.

i dunno. i've had a lot probably. but much as i'd want to regret my choices, i have to live with them because that was the choice i made at that time a choice was needed to be made. and i chose that choice because i thought it was the right thing to do at that split second of my life.

if there was a rewind button for our lives, it must be the most overused button there is.

but since there aren't any rewind buttons, we just have to keep moving forward. trust that you have made your own choices, and they were the right ones. the consequences now should not make you blame the past, but rather make you stronger than you were before. 

and if in case you feel so lost because of all the seemingly wrong turns you've made, cliche as it may sound, turn to God. He will listen.

i got three letters that say he does: TNT.

seriously though, prayer solves nothing unless you do something. talk to God. He will listen. and then, you make your choices on what to do. it may turn either way, but with God's guidance, you know that whichever way it turned, it's only for the best.