Tuesday, September 15, 2009

...On Getting Used to Being Single...

For the first time for as long as I can remember, I'm actually single-single. No commitments whatsoever to anyone in particular, no longer waiting for someone, not even trying to impress anyone. I feel free. I can be where I want to be or dragged where I want to be. I can go with who I choose to be with. I can do anything I want and I don't have to answer to anyone else except my parents, who, to some extent, actually get me, and understand my occassional bursts of arrogance and just allow me to do pretty much whatever I want. I can get wasted so badly and I don't have to come up with logical/acceptable reasons for getting too f'd up because I wake up with no new messages asking where the hell I was because she's getting worried. I can go home anytime I want to and not get bothered that I still have to take someone home.

I should be happy, I guess, with all this freedom. Yet, somehow, I'm not. It's not me. I'm way too mushy for this.

Back then, it was kind of ok to mingle just a bit, because no one else mattered as much as who I was with. I may have missed out on a lot of things, but during those times, I had one thing that's sure in my life: her. When I wanted to have dinner with someone, she was there. When I felt crappy, I could always spend time with her and the day's not as bad. When there was a good movie up, I had a date. When I wanted to just get out of the house, I had someone to be with. When Valentine's is coming, I had reason to prepare. Before I sleep, there was always that "i love you:)" at the end of every message, and a "good morning" when I wake up that actually makes me feel that it is a good morning.

Now, I'm like everybody's man, but nobody's someone. I may be everywhere with anybody, but then, I don't brighten anyone's day by being there for her, I don't make anything better for anyone by being there for him/her in shitty times, I'm not the essential piece to a "good time", heck, I can't even have a regular movie date.

I kinda miss being the first option for a movie date, that is, the first person that comes to mind right after the thought of “I wanna watch that movie”. I miss making someone actually feel ok after a crappy day because I'm with her already. I miss being thought about as much as I think about someone. I miss holding someone's hand and not saying anything while walking along anywhere, but still have a feeling of comfort and ease with that hand. I miss wiping a smudge of sauce on a girl's face while we're eating. I miss looking at someone sitting on my passenger seat while I'm driving. I miss surprising someone with a visit or a gift. I miss doing something random for someone, like actually buying something that she jokingly says she likes. I miss saying "I love you" and being said "I love you too" and have that to really mean something.

It's always great to meet someone who gets to be your everything: your bestfriend, your sweetheart, your parent, your brother/sister.. But then if things don't work out you're pretty much screwed.

Thinking about it too much won't do me any good though. Eh sa wala eh.  F*ck mushiness. In God's time, "she" will come. For now, I guess I'll just have to deal with this "single" gig, enjoy this freedom.

After all, I am still learning..
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42 comments:

  1. Maikadowsky :DSeptember 15, 2009 at 11:39 PM

    Wala akong masabi. Yun lang. Hahaha =)

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  2. voltaire lozadaSeptember 15, 2009 at 11:59 PM

    ndi naman tinamaan ngayon maix?:p

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  3. Frances OgilvieSeptember 16, 2009 at 1:20 AM

    i like this.:-bd

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  4. len manaloSeptember 16, 2009 at 2:01 AM

    nabasa ko sya. for real. this time binasa ko talaga. puta.

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  5. voltaire lozadaSeptember 16, 2009 at 2:39 AM

    is that a "good" puta, or a "bad" puta?:P

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  6. SHALLY bangshSeptember 16, 2009 at 4:19 AM

    same same hahahaha!

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  7. Vincent HaosonSeptember 16, 2009 at 6:48 AM

    I'd like to share what I friend of mine told me before-- the first sign a person is "worhty or truly ready" to have a relationship is the time when he/she is not searching for someone but rather enjoying his/her life till that person comes.

    The funny thing here is I know exactly what you mean to an extent, though iba lang yung paraan natin sa paghandle and sa perspective narin ng sitwasyon natin pareho... LOL

    anyway ^^ enjoy life lang dude ^^

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  8. Akazukin chachaSeptember 16, 2009 at 9:29 AM

    "I'm way too mushy for this."
    - wala lang din, hehehe, mushy ka nga, base sa mga nakalagay dito =) hehehe

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  9. voltaire lozadaSeptember 16, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    @shally: same sa "puta" comment or sa blog?:p

    @vincent: it's not funny, it's sad kya.:(

    @cha: who's following who?:p wahaha.. oo. dami naitatago, ndi mapakinabangan.:p

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  10. Vincent HaosonSeptember 16, 2009 at 11:12 AM

    this is where we're different XD

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  11. Maikadowsky :DSeptember 16, 2009 at 6:59 PM

    Voltz, walang masabi kasi tinamaan ng todo. The mushy stuffs - Gahd. I feel like floating when w e(Justin and I) do 'em. AAAAAAY NAKO. haha!

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  12. voltaire lozadaSeptember 16, 2009 at 7:03 PM

    sige.. mang-inngit ka pa.:( waahahahaha

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  13. fhadz molloSeptember 16, 2009 at 7:07 PM

    @HAOSON: hindi ka lang talaga siguro mushy... :p o wala ka lang talagang puso? heckheck! :p

    @VOLTS: on being mushy, well, I think hindi tayo nagkakatalo diyan.. the sick part here is that when you get too crappy at life (or too drunk at that) and you start digging those fck'd-up reasons why your so wasted, kahit gano karami ang kaibigan mo, may mga times talaga na you have to TALK TO YOURSELF. Yah. Scary as it is pero I really find it useful. yung tipong ikaw na rin sasaway sa sarili mo. Hindi naman kasi madaling magpakabihasa sa buhay single na hindi ka naman talaga sanay... :p pero the fact still remains... Its better to remain single than be with someone who doesn't deserve crap.. 0",)

    Inum tayo sometime ser! hahaha.. :p

    @SHALLY: Di na ako nakatawag! pasensya.. :p

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  14. fhadz molloSeptember 16, 2009 at 7:09 PM

    @MAIX: haay naku! You mocked-up mocker mocking us! hahahaha... :p dapat talaga tatawagan kita kagabi.. pasensya na din.. 3:30 na natapos concall hehehe.. :p

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  15. robert padilla dilleraSeptember 16, 2009 at 8:13 PM

    kaya ka naaksidente eh. :D

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  16. voltaire lozadaSeptember 16, 2009 at 10:37 PM

    @fhadz: sa berdey daw ni maix.:P i'll take you to a place that'll turn your shit all green.:)) i don't get wasted when i have problems. i'm not as fucked up as my emo blogs.:P all emotions are poured into writing, so i don't do self-pity when i'm wasted. this is my way of talking to myself, blogging. i don't care much if people don't read it, but everything i'm thinking of is thrown out here.:p ndi ko sinasaway sarili ko sa pagbblog, and many a time, it has become a start of a big argument.

    @bert: walang basagan ng trip. palibhasa di mo pa nagagawa.:P magdadalawang taon na yan!!:)) therapeutic kaya ang pagdrive nang mei tinitingnan, lalo na kun mahal mo.. aw... wahahahhahahaha

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  17. robert padilla dilleraSeptember 16, 2009 at 10:41 PM

    wahahhaha tamis mo pre :D

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  18. fhadz molloSeptember 16, 2009 at 11:28 PM

    @VOLTZ: that makes your blog "the most exposive" blog kasi you put no boundaries to it, nothing limits you... ganyan din ako pero nilalagay ko everything to my journal. but really.. i FEEL you sir.. as in sa tuwing magbabasa ako ng entry mo I see MYSELF... haay..

    oo.. nakwento na nga ata ni maikee yung tungkol sa Badtrip? hahaha.. :p

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  19. voltaire lozadaSeptember 17, 2009 at 12:04 AM

    @bert: ganun talaga.:P

    @fhadz: kumbaga sa twitter feed ko, meron na kong mga 4 na followers eh, kyo 2 ni micah un kalahati.:P wahahhaha.. ndi tayo nag-iisa sa mga nararamdaman natin.:P

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  20. Maikadowsky :DSeptember 17, 2009 at 2:23 AM

    Ang korni nating 3! Hahaha! Multiply naman ang kinaray nyo ha! :) At di ako nang-iinggit ha. Talagang ganun lang yung feeling and I just had to say it! Sorry naman if insensitive and dating ha? Di sadya okay? Hahaha :)

    Takte. Anong press release yung sa berdey ko? Sige sige kahit saan kaso KKB yun a di ko kakayanin potah baka isang barangay pumunta eh. HAHAHA! kumbaga, drink at your own risk - risk ang budget. :D

    Pwde ba yung malapit lang sa Caloocan? Ha? Kasi papasundo ako eh :))

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  21. Maikadowsky :DSeptember 17, 2009 at 2:23 AM

    Ginawang FB. Feeling ko FB na lahat ng pinupuntahan ko demmet! Hahaha!

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  22. voltaire lozadaSeptember 17, 2009 at 2:34 AM

    wala naman magnonotify seio ng bagong comment.:)) un lang, wasak inbox ko sa yahoo.:P

    malapit sa caloocan? hala!:P sabi mo kaya sa berdey mo? remember? comment #458 sa wall ni issa? duh?:))

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  23. Maikadowsky :DSeptember 17, 2009 at 6:34 PM

    Ampotek. Na- DUH pa ako! Hahaha! Oo na, oo na. Basta drink at your own risk. Oo nalapit sa caloocan. Baket? Mga... QC place ganun. Trinoma. Hahaha! :))

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  24. Imon dreams of Anfield.September 17, 2009 at 9:45 PM

    tama!

    wahahaha

    ReplyDelete
  25. Ella TorricoSeptember 18, 2009 at 7:22 AM

    sa taft sabi ko sayo madami kang girlfriend eh :P Mga pg at fc pa hahahaha :P ngayon ko lang nabasa hahaha :P

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  26. Vierre MarquesesSeptember 18, 2009 at 10:18 AM

    uhmm...epekto ba to ng "badtrip"?! haha! di bale, i labyu pare! wala ba akong "i labyu too!" haha!

    next week balik ako ortigas, ayan, nagsasabi na ako ha. baka magtampororot na naman kayo nila sop. hehe!

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  27. voltaire lozadaSeptember 18, 2009 at 7:53 PM

    babae=gastos.:p

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  28. voltaire lozadaSeptember 18, 2009 at 7:55 PM

    @imon: tama na, d makarelate c bert.:))

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  29. voltaire lozadaSeptember 18, 2009 at 8:08 PM

    @vier: aba.. nawiwili?:p ge, bili na kmi ng popcorn.:))

    @ella: punta punta kyo food expo tpos ganun lng kya nyo kainin.:p pabebe dpat, ndi pg.:))

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  30. shara villanuevaSeptember 18, 2009 at 11:37 PM

    We are looking at being-single way too differently. But I sure understand what you got here.

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  31. voltaire lozadaSeptember 19, 2009 at 2:46 AM

    @shara: mushy nga kasi ako.:P hehe.. sori na.:P season 2, episode 1.:)) ewan ko kun masusundan.:P

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  32. robert padilla dilleraSeptember 19, 2009 at 7:14 PM

    pakyu. hahha pero totoo :D

    voltz may gusto daw sana mag apply sayo kaso ang taas daw ng standards mo. :D parang pagaapply daw sa NESTLE :D hahha

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  33. shara villanuevaSeptember 19, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    Sabi ko na nga ba e! Patok ba sa viewers kaya ganon? Masusundan? Depende. Anong episode na ba to? Pero maganda kung short lang. Baka naman gayahin mo pa yung Mara Clara ha? Ok na yung mala-Florinda lang. :))

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  34. voltaire lozadaSeptember 19, 2009 at 9:29 PM

    @bert: ok lang, freeze hiring pa ko.:)) wahahahaha.. balitaan nya ko kako kun pasok xa sa nestle, mag-aaply din ako.:P

    @shara: ana luna habol ko.:)) episode 1 pa lang eh.:P baka "special" lang, parang P.S. lang.:P hehe

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  35. robert padilla dilleraSeptember 19, 2009 at 11:17 PM

    ahahha :D cge cge sasabihan ko siya :)

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  36. Ham ArellanoSeptember 20, 2009 at 6:48 AM

    " I'm like everybody's man, but nobody's someone. " I like this line voltz. nicely written bro...

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  37. voltaire lozadaSeptember 20, 2009 at 2:41 PM

    you and apparently, people i don't know. i should do this for a living.:p

    don't take it the wrong way, i appreciate people liking what they read, but, respeto, cite sources, seriously.:p malay ko ba kun pde ko na gamitin sa portfolio ko to.:p

    of course im nt talking bout u directly..

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  38. Ham ArellanoSeptember 21, 2009 at 3:10 AM

    voltz click mo toh http://hamarellano.multiply.com/journal/item/7/The_Art_of_Moving_On... i made a blog about this topic try reading too.

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  39. Ham ArellanoSeptember 21, 2009 at 3:12 AM

    haha typo error... forgot the " it "

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  40. Christian DiazSeptember 21, 2009 at 8:44 AM

    Nice. Yikee!

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  41. Christian DiazSeptember 21, 2009 at 8:45 AM

    Single ba si Ham? Can't believe it..

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  42. Ham ArellanoSeptember 21, 2009 at 8:36 PM

    haha loko ka tlga diaz...

    ReplyDelete

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