But I do want to think of myself as a writer: I write with confidence that I'm using correct grammar, I express my thoughts clearly, and I have fun reading some of the stuff I wrote a long time ago. I write best when I have an opinion on the matter, so I guess I get to write my best when sharing personal experiences.
I realized yesterday that I haven't been able to write as much as I did before. And Issa was ranting that she couldn't get herself to write as well. Not to say that we're on the same field here, as she is more creative than I was (her poetry could be made into songs, I think), but I'm going on a limb here and try to think of reasons why I couldn't write anymore.
1. The Evil that is Facebook
Before Facebook, you'd see lengthy blogs from me even every week. I frequent Multiply because I get to read lengthy blogs from my friends as well. Then came Facebook, with it's 420-character statuses. Then Twitter, with 160 characters. People became so engrossed with expressing themselves in limited characters, that there's nothing much to write about if you decide to make a blog. In probably a single sentence, you have shared everything that you felt for the whole day, that if you made a blog about it, people won't read it knowing the gist of what happened to your day.
Eventually, I got lazy. I wrote my lengthy thoughts on the comments section of people's statuses. I replied to every comment on my status updates. I read people's one-liners to be updated about their lives. No more reading about details, no more sharing of mine. Just straight to the point thoughts.
Thinking about it, if you're reading this and you see that you're not even at the half of the blog, don't get frustrated. I'm giving you a favor. I'm trying to make you enjoy reading details again. Think about this blog as being a whole movie, as opposed to a Facebook or Twitter post which are trailers. Isn't it a bit more exciting watching a whole movie and understanding the whole story than just skipping to the good parts?
2. Creativity in Depression
You, dear reader, are probably of my age or near that. Well then, chances are, you've been a fan of Wave 89.1's Quiet Storm at one point in your life or even to this day. It's nice to listen to those nice songs, really. But aren't they all sad? "Separated" by Usher, "Gone" by N'Sync, or even the contemporary "Di Lang Ikaw" by Juris (that song from "Ruby") are all about loneliness.
As I mentioned in Shally's blog, I think I wrote my best pieces when I was single. Not that I was wishing I were single, but the thing is, people related to me more, I turned depression into inspiration by ranting about my feelings, and ended up with pretty good pieces. Well, to me they were. They're like those Quiet Storm songs: you've heard them countless times, but when when you hear them again, it's like a new song that you just have to listen to til it ends.
Right now, I'm in a contented state in life. I'm happy, true, probably not all the time, but it's just how life is. But I know whatever happens, that there's a better half of me that I can always count on. I need not escape through writing to escape my depression like before. I had someone who'd listen to me. It's not like she's sucking out my creativity, it's just that, I don't feel the urge to rant because I haven't been keeping much to myself.
Theorizing, I think people's inclination towards reading sad, depressing quotes or blogs is because of our natural concern towards others. I mean, if someone wrote a blog about how wonderful his/her day was, what would you tell that person? "Congrats!"? But if someone wrote something about what's eating him/her out, you try to reach out and encourage that person to go on and keep on living.
We have a natural tendency to "help" others. We want to do something when we can. We'd rather try to give attention to people who need help than be happy with people who are happy with their lives.
Ironic, isn't it? We're that kind of people, but we have this kind of government.
But then, don't make me go there.
But then, don't make me go there.Point is, depression = creativity, happiness = contentment.
3. The Reward of Readership
When I write blogs, I try to reply to everyone who leaves a comment. I also make it a habit to check how many people actually read the stuff I write.
I enjoy seeing people actually reading my stuff. No matter how much I say that I write because I want to express myself, my best reward is always when someone actually relates to my post, someone reads it, or someone has an opinion about it. That's why I don't keep a journal or a diary. It's like being a secret agent: it's so cool but you can't tell anyone that you are. I mean, why write something if you know nobody's going to get to read it anyway?
Sadly, Multiply readership has declined. Probably because of too many online marketers, but I think I'd go back and blame Facebook all over again. It turned us all into lazy readers, wanting to read about so many people in so little time, but not able to know the whole story behind those status updates. When we see at least 3 paragraphs of text, we instantly think it's a waste of time.
I think my man Angel Velasco writes about good basketball stuff in his site (http://offthebench.multiply.com/), but it's not like before when we got to trade opinions with other basketball fans. Heck, the most talked-about free agency wasn't even discussed in his site. If I were the one keeping the site up, I'd fold ship. Good thing I'm not. I still get to read good stuff from him every once in a while.
I don't really know how people or real writers write. I mean, do they write for the sake of writing? Do they get affected by their readers with positive or negative feedbacks?
Me, I write to express. But to be criticized or praised or be noticed; those are the stuff that inspire me to write. I like to write, but I love to be read. It makes me believe that I CAN write.
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Why serve meat to vegetarians? Would you even try to run out to the street in the middle of a thunderstorm when you don't want to be wet? Then why write if you know no one's going to read it?
I don't consider myself as a loss to the "writing" world. But if any of you readers are actually writers and you think you have the same reasons as mine, YOU probably would be a loss to that world. Find inspiration. If you need to be depressed, go emo. If you need readers, post something, I promise to read and comment on it.
Just don't be lazy. 
oo na. :p
ReplyDeleteAffected ako. Primarily because I find your question on "Then why write if you know no one's going to read it?" an implication that people shouldn't write if they won't let anyone else read it anyway. Respeto sa mahiyain. :p I kept a friggin' diary until last year, and no one ever saw what I wrote. I did it for the fact that there are things I wanted to get out of my system that I didn't have the courage to let anyone else know. Manifestations of secrets. Pwedeng pang-blackmail pag nahanap. :)) Point is, people should be encouraged to write, whether or not they'll let anyone read it, for the sake of letting things out. Malay mo, they find the courage to post some of their works one day. --yeah, that's just me, speaking from experience. :p
Hay, I still can't write. I think it has to do with this stupid depression. The lack of it, really. Sobrang wala akong maisip, kahit anong pilit ko. Tangina, FB status nga lang pinagiisipan ko pa. Talk about pathetic. :)) Failure at its finest. I catch myself asking "How come I didn't think of that?!" most of the time, these days. Sabi ko nga, I might as well be brain dead for all the creativity I can muster.
Hiatus. I think kailangan ko non. Soon. :p
Ako nga walang masabi eh. Hahahaha. :)) Ang walang kwenta lang. Goodluck sa atin. :)
ReplyDeletetulad ng freakinly unbelievable successful Manila Scramble or whatever scramble that is na nasa SM Marikina?!?!?!:P wahahaha..
ReplyDeletestupid no? that you're not depressed and yet you want to be just to be able to write about it?:)) bakit ba di tayo makuntento sa buhay natin at hayaan na lang maging masaya?:p
well, like i said, i don't know how writers write or how they get inspired to write or something. ako, i feed off people's opinions kasi. but i mean, in your case, i think if you posted your diary works, people would be at awe.:P with your nerdy vocab, people would be wowed by your thoughts. but yeah, secrecy, privacy, i get that.:P
wahahaha!
ReplyDelete--> most comprehensive reply ever. :))
nag-pm si zaldy din about our lack of written posts. i blame facebook too!
ReplyDeleteyeah, among other things. :))
ReplyDeleteWeird shit, that one. Kailangan lang minsan ng lungkot para makapagsulat. Sabi nga ni Imogen Heap, "There's beauty in the breakdown." :)
Ako, I mostly feed off my own opinion. That, and the misery that I somehow lack these days. No black eyeliner and mop-hair for me kaya absent din creativity. Feeling ko its in the bangs talaga. :p
Damn, you feeding my ego right there *points up*. Keep that up. Not that it helps cultivate creativity. It just feels nice. :))
--And ginawa ko ring blog ang reply ko. Kasalanan ng micro-blogging to eh. Sorry naman :|
hay, facebook... kaya naiintriga ako sa upcoming film na "the social network" eh.=p see how fb came about.=p
ReplyDeletefeeling ko pag nawalan ka na ng trabaho at ndi mo na nabibili mga gusto mong bilhin (nang ndi nakokonsensya), dun mo mararamdaman yan.=P i think you wrote good pieces pre-employment. well, that was with other hang-ups though.=))
ReplyDeletehahaha, i know right?! and those hang-ups are (long?) gone :p so damn, can't write anymore :|
ReplyDeletewow gulat ako. featured ako on your blessed blog.haha depressed pala ang dating pag nag-rant haha! :) anyway, i agree with you, but not totally. hihi :)
ReplyDelete1. yeah blame it all on facebook. magnanakaw ng market. hehe :) manifestation nga na the older we get, the lesser our attention span becomes.
2. agree with issa. we write to express. since walang mahihingahang BOYLET/ BOYFRIEND like you. ahaha!
3. i think bonus na lang ang readership.
4. 'help' others? yes. another keywoard is 'EMPATHY'. nakakagaan kaya ng feeling pag nalamang hindi lang pala ikaw ang taong nakaka ranas ng naranasan mo. hehe =)
thank you, voltaire. i think this post is nice. although, i am including the painful struggle of writing the darn thesis in my list for not being able to write and read from multiply anymore. i think, i should make a resolve to start writing about other things again. :-|
ReplyDelete@shally: "blessed" talaga?:)) wahahaha
ReplyDelete@jonathan: kaya ayoko na mag-aral eh. para hawak ko kun anu isusulat ko.:p good luck with that!:P