...Love: an Uncomplicated Feeling...

"Love is blind."
- 2nd most popular quote in a 90's kid's autograph book. The first being "judge me". (Only 90's kids will know)

Love and romance. I don't know what generation you grew up to, but as a 90's kid, I was introduced to those stuff pretty early. There were those Disney flicks where "true love" always beats the bad guys, the catchy love songs that had me singing "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams at 6 years old in front of the titos and titas (yes, that was the "o sing for tita" moment of my childhood. Don't tell me you didn't have yours) despite not knowing what it meant, the funny romantic comedies, and the tastefully done love stories like City of Angels that have filled my young life with various images of "love". People say that kids feel "infatuated" and not really "love", and then it becomes a matter of defining what one or the other is. I personally think it knows no age, no gender, and cannot be quantified in words. It is a feeling, but not as complicated like what most people say.

Love is simple, and I illustrate my statement through the following points:

The Golden Rule

Don't listen to that guy. Talking about a different rule here

"Do onto others as you would want others do onto you" is a popular statement coined as "The Golden Rule" whose roots I'd rather not go into, as we'd stray away too far from the subject. In a relationship, you treat your partner the way you want to be treated, and inversely, you don't do things you don't want your partner to be doing behind your back. It's simple enough, really. If you don't want your partner flirting around with other people, make sure you're not doing the same, because if you have the capacity to do it, then so does your partner. On a more positive note, you can't expect anything special from a partner if your relationship is anchored on being stagnant. Take a positive action instead of waiting for it to happen, after all, we can only act on things within our power. 

Spontaneity

I think being spontaneous is not about doing crazy stuff without thinking of consequences. I think spontaneity springs from one's innate care for his/her partner. That sudden decision to just grab something at the grocery store or at some shop because you remember your partner mentioning that item or something like it, the surprise visits, the sweet nothings you blurt out after your partner's bad day; these are some spontaneous things you just do, and not really think much about. Loving someone means just doing things, not thinking about doing things. If you can't get yourself to just act on thoughts, then maybe you're too comfortable with what you have that you don't want to make the effort, or you're thinking too much. While thoughts count, I go back to my first point; wouldn't it be nicer if you actually got your favorite snack than be told that "I thought about buying you that, but I didn't"? 

Effort > Price

Didn't have money to buy gift wrapper? Any paper will do.

The problem with men courting women usually stems from the courting stage. Men shower their women with gifts like money grew on trees. Then the relationship deteriorates because the guy no longer gives his girl such lavish gifts some months into the relationship. There are two causes of why this happens; men do stuff they can't sustain, and women mistake value for effort. If men really wanted to be "loved" for "who they really are", they shouldn't really be paying x amount of money for such grand gestures. I think women don't really care much about that. I think women would much rather have a bouquet of shitty flowers you picked rather than a big, decorated bouquet that cost you a MyPhone. Some women think that the guy did really special things for her when the fact of the matter is, he bought his way to her heart. I think men should stop with the expensive gifts if they can't afford it, and for women to look at the gifts and see beyond the price tag and more on the effort put into it. Money is finite, but the effort to make your partner happy is boundless if it truly is love.

Finding ways

There's always a way.

Remember the saying that "Kung gusto, may paraan, kung ayaw, maraming dahilan"? If one person is worth the love that you have, there are infinite means to do things for him/her. It means gaining superhuman strength to walk miles if your wallet fails to cooperate with the travel that you need, suddenly becoming the world's greatest artist to produce a collage of memories, and having a sixth sense for what your partner may like; these are are just some things that show that you go beyond what you can do for the person you love. You always find ways to make your loved one happy, and it shouldn't matter if you're tired, sleepy, untalented, or whatnot. Going back to my previous point, the end result could probably not be the prettiest thing in the world, but the effort one puts into an act means the world to the one you love. Don't give excuses if you can't do something, because if he/she is worth it, you wouldn't even need to think of a valid excuse.

Changing Yourself

That face changes. It's called "growing old".

While "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars became a worldwide hit and is a really sweet song, I call bullshit on anyone who would say this could be true. When we meet someone, and we say eventually that we fall in love with them, I think we fall in love with the illusion we have of them rather than who they really are. I mean, prior to being in a relationship, you have this idea of your future partner being this and that, and then when you get together, your partner has some traits you can't live with. The illusion that you have hides these traits; he/she may be the same person, but the illusion is only a fraction of who they really are. Now, do you give up and move on or decide to change yourself or your partner to make it work? I think naturally, people do change. Can you honestly tell me that 5 years ago, you'd make the same decisions that you did now, or even laugh at the same jokes you now can relate to your own life? We can "stay the same" all we want, but in reality, love is about adjustments, because one needs to cope up with the other as each one grows. You can't drag down your partner's hopes and dreams because you say that this is "not" him/her, nor can you whine and bitch that you don't have time for each other compared to when you were classmates in college or officemates next to each other. Our attitudes, the way we see life, our perspective of success, our priorities, and what path we want to take could change over the years. If one or the other can't change some things about oneself for the sake of the relationship, then both need to re-evaluate where they stand now. Does the other wait to be a part of his/her partner's life, or does the other end his/her misery when her/his life has become such a priority that a relationship can no longer be sustained? Love is simple. Life always has room for it, no matter how full it seems. If it doesn't, then maybe the love that you had was an illusion as well.

New is Always Better

"Ted, remember my one rule?"

Barney Stinson famously stated in an episode of How I Met Your Mother that "New is always better". It probably is true. In relationships, nothing compares to the "honeymoon period" of a couple; that stage where they're so in love and so crazy for one another. You know, that stage when the illusion hasn't been destroyed yet. That's where cheating stems from; you're in a relationship, and then you meet someone new, who you think is better than who you currently have. You may not be wrong in thinking that. However, wouldn't you be falling again for the illusion of the new person? What made this new one different from the old one? The newness of the feeling always makes it better, but if this is always true, when do you stop looking for that "new" feeling? This is what I don't get about these so-called "cheaters". If your relationship started with one or the other in a current relationship, how the hell would you say for certain that your partner would not leave you for another if he/she found that "new" feeling again? I go back to my first point. You don't take away a person who belongs to another and expect that who you took would not be taken just the same way. These are the people who made "it's complicated" a relationship status in Facebook. It shouldn't be. If you love someone, you commit to him/her. If you find yourself looking for someone new, then you don't love the person you're with. Don't give bullshit reasons that you've been together for so long or you love them equally. A relationship involves two people, not three or more. You choose one or the other and commit, not choose both and hide in the shadows with one of them. Those looking for "new" should learn how to respect the trust given to them enough to not look, or respect the person who trusted him/her enough to leave when he/she decides. Those who stay with previously committed people should respect themselves enough to not be just a flavor of the month, or respect the one kept out of the dark in the same way that he/she would want to be respected if eventually he/she is in a committed relationship. Those kept out of the dark shouldn't blame themselves for trusting too much, but should love themselves enough to not look back if they found out that they are being cheated. 

Simple enough? Life, like love, is really simple. As my dad used to say, "simple lang ang buhay, tayo lang nagpapa-komplika nito". 

...Kamusta na si Uncle Jun?...

Lately I have been asked this question by those who are aware that I am the nephew of Engr. Jun Lozada, a key figure in exposing the controversial NBN-ZTE scandal during the Arroyo administration. He's been making the news again recently, as cases against him have been highlighted by various media outlets. Frankly, I just know that he is safe with the religious groups who have been with him since day one.

Some years back, I took to my blog space to express a perspective from this point of view, not sugarcoated or filtered by media or editors. Those were painfully long reads, and I am grateful for everyone who had the patience to read through those. Now, I'll try another one, just to have you know what's going on with him, and at least I can point to somewhere if the question again arises.

I'd first like to clarify that they (him and his brother, who was with him in the Philippine Forest Corporation) are not running away from anything. The legal case filed against them can easily be dismissed as it is baseless and empty. They opted to be in hiding not because of the case, but because of the threat from unknown people. And besides, they have not been presented with actual legal documents calling for their arrests; the arrest warrant that the most articles over the net are saying couldn't be presented by the proper authorities when they met with Uncle Jun. It was eventually served to them though, and they posted bail for their temporary freedom until their arraignment on March 6. After that, I am not sure what's going to happen.

Here are some of my thoughts on his current predicament.


The Blind Eye

During the height of the NBN-ZTE scandal, former President Cory Aquino stood side by side with Uncle Jun whenever she was able. Even when she got sick, she constantly asked for updates and always reminded our family that we (especially Uncle Jun) were in her prayers, as she was in ours while she fought her own battle. She succumbed to hers, but through her pains, she always believed in what Uncle Jun fought for. Some time after her passing, our family stood in front of the Aquino residence to urge then Senator Noynoy to run for Presidency to continue his parents' legacy. It was our pitch, our taya, for the country. My dad remembers Noynoy saying that we're in this together, and he can't achieve change for the country alone; we needed to do our own part not just during the campaign, but even after the battle is won.

That battle was won, and yet now he stands again alone. Unaided by political friends, but always guided by the religious who we have already considered family.

This is not me begging for help for the administration or seeking unjust favors for those granted to them. If there is truth to the cases, let's have the court decide. But he knows and we know that the case is a bogus attempt to destroy Uncle Jun's credibility as witness for the NBN-ZTE case. What I don't understand is why we are even in this new battle anyway, after we put our own battle aside to help him win his battle for the hope of a more normal life for us ultimately.

Tuwid na daan? "Due process"? Am I alone in seeing the President's influence in impeaching constitutionally appointed officials in the Ombudsman and the Chief Justice? And yet here is Uncle Jun, years removed from the public eye and slowly having just gotten back to his feet, standing alone because this government seems afraid of being branded as "favoring" allies. Yes, the same government which appointed friends and dismissed political rivals is afraid of being seen as partisan. 

The Curious Armed Men

While we respect the "due process" of law, we do hope that it goes through properly. We were initially alarmed when armed men in casual clothes who claimed to be from the police tried to "arrest" Uncle Jun by looking for him at his house during the height of the "arrest warrant" issue mid last month. Later that week, when Uncle Jun sought refuge from the religious, we were informed that armed men in casual clothes again visited his house, and threatened to sue the housekeepers if they were not let in to search for him.

Armed men in casual clothes. My ninong (Uncle Jun and my dad's brother), Tito Nandy, died because of the same kind of people. He was "mistaken" for a ransom collector because of lack of information by the ISAFP; they never knew the plate number of the car, they just stopped the first one that matched the description. Armed men in casual clothes asked Tito Nandy to get down from the car he was driving, which had his daughter and his daughter's best friend in it. Naturally, they fled the scene, but because Tito Nandy was shot prior to him bolting out, they crashed at a corner, where the men exhausted their ammunition to shoot down three defenseless people who were just trying to find their way to a friend's debut. My cousin survived the incident, with Tito Nandy falling in the scene, and my cousin's best friend expiring after being in a comatose for a week. Those men were from the government. They got suspended for six months, and a slap on the wrist.

Armed men in casual clothes. If some guy in street clothes walked up to your car, told you he was a police officer and you should get down from your vehicle, would you go down? In the same light, would you go with armed men in street clothes if they say they are the police and they have an arrest warrant they can't show? What's scary is that this is happening during the administration of Noynoy. With everything that Uncle Jun knew, and with the effect he had on Gloria's ratings, of course we were afraid she might try something. We were always a bit paranoid on such little things. When Noynoy won, it felt like we have won as well. We knew his administration is at least the complete opposite of what Gloria's has been. But even during those times, his house wasn't violated as it was when men forced themselves in it. Are those Gloria's men? How could she even mobilize them if she's facing her own charges? Are those the government's men? Why can't they just present themselves officially? It's not like Uncle Jun is surrounded by bodyguards wherever he goes. Heck, he didn't even kill anyone to make him so dangerous that arresting officers should be armed with rifles.

The Irony of Sacrifice

The legal case filed against Uncle Jun, I learned, was by Erwin Santos, Uncle Jun's subordinate while he headed Philippine Forest Corporation (PFC), and is now the president of the said department. Nobody remembers, but a day after Uncle Jun was ridiculed and sympathized with after his emotional breakdown in the NBN-ZTE hearing, Erwin actually had an emotional interview with PTV 4 claiming "his conscience" pushed him to come out of the open and say that Uncle Jun is not who he says he is. He was the government's answer to Uncle Jun's emergence. However, his tears fell on the deaf ears of the millions and millions of viewers of the government-operated PTV 4.

Now, with the current administration's habit of purging government posts of Gloria's people, we found it curious that Erwin is still the president of the PFC. For the uninformed, the Philippine Forest Corporation is responsible for allocating idle lands to make it productive. It is different from the Department of Agrarian Reform, which re-allocates productive lands to people, as in the case of Hacienda Luisita. The land area of productive lands pales in comparison to that of idle lands in the Philippines. Hence, the PFC, though not as prominent, actually carries with it a huge responsibility.

Funny how things turned out; whistle blower and one of the main campaign supporters, Jun Lozada, is fighting off a bogus graft charge years after living in obscurity, while Gloria man Erwin Santos, who cried himself to anonymity, is securely making a living under the Gloria-hating administration by Noynoy.

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It just sucks that after recovering from his idle, non-earning self during the height of the NBN-ZTE saga by doing tech stuff and "modernizing" some schools by going the tablet route, he's back to seeking refuge again. My other Uncle has it bad as well, after finding something he'd love to do (selling properties as a broker; he placed 6th in the licensing exam to be a broker), his name is again dragged to this mess.

Ok lang sana kung nagkapabayaan na lang; ni hindi na hiningan ng pabor si Noynoy pagkatapos nya manalo, hindi hinanapan ng pwesto sa gobyerno nya o kaya maibalik man lang yung dating pwesto. Ang pagkapanalo noon ay ang pwede nang mabuhay ng normal dahil wala na ang takot na kumilos ang mga tao ni Gloria laban kay Uncle Jun. Pero nanahimik na nga sila, pati si Gloria hindi na nga gumagawa ng kalokohan para mapag-usapan nanaman sa balita, tapos eto nanaman? Bakit ngayon pa? Bakit di to natapos noon pa? Kung meron talagang kailangang panagutan, bakit kinailangan pa ang tatlong taon para dinggin ang kaso?

I am not ignorant of what the media says about my uncle. I have read articles, I have seen how he was painted, I have seen positive and negative comments, and those are people's opinions I respect. I post this as an opinionated nephew who blogs as a hobby, and wishes only to voice out his own opinions. I am not paid to do this, nor was I forced to write by any of my family members. While it is natural for a family member to defend him, I am not trying to defend him without cause. Heck, if he is guilty of the charges against him, we'd all just be flying around the country to our vast hectares of land. I am but fueled by the desire to have another one of those family outings where we're free to do these:

Photo taken some years back from his daughter's album

We've had some nice days over the past couple of years that he was away from the public eye. Hopefully, this predicament ends soon.