...Love: an Uncomplicated Feeling...

"Love is blind."
- 2nd most popular quote in a 90's kid's autograph book. The first being "judge me". (Only 90's kids will know)

Love and romance. I don't know what generation you grew up to, but as a 90's kid, I was introduced to those stuff pretty early. There were those Disney flicks where "true love" always beats the bad guys, the catchy love songs that had me singing "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams at 6 years old in front of the titos and titas (yes, that was the "o sing for tita" moment of my childhood. Don't tell me you didn't have yours) despite not knowing what it meant, the funny romantic comedies, and the tastefully done love stories like City of Angels that have filled my young life with various images of "love". People say that kids feel "infatuated" and not really "love", and then it becomes a matter of defining what one or the other is. I personally think it knows no age, no gender, and cannot be quantified in words. It is a feeling, but not as complicated like what most people say.

Love is simple, and I illustrate my statement through the following points:

The Golden Rule

Don't listen to that guy. Talking about a different rule here

"Do onto others as you would want others do onto you" is a popular statement coined as "The Golden Rule" whose roots I'd rather not go into, as we'd stray away too far from the subject. In a relationship, you treat your partner the way you want to be treated, and inversely, you don't do things you don't want your partner to be doing behind your back. It's simple enough, really. If you don't want your partner flirting around with other people, make sure you're not doing the same, because if you have the capacity to do it, then so does your partner. On a more positive note, you can't expect anything special from a partner if your relationship is anchored on being stagnant. Take a positive action instead of waiting for it to happen, after all, we can only act on things within our power. 

Spontaneity

I think being spontaneous is not about doing crazy stuff without thinking of consequences. I think spontaneity springs from one's innate care for his/her partner. That sudden decision to just grab something at the grocery store or at some shop because you remember your partner mentioning that item or something like it, the surprise visits, the sweet nothings you blurt out after your partner's bad day; these are some spontaneous things you just do, and not really think much about. Loving someone means just doing things, not thinking about doing things. If you can't get yourself to just act on thoughts, then maybe you're too comfortable with what you have that you don't want to make the effort, or you're thinking too much. While thoughts count, I go back to my first point; wouldn't it be nicer if you actually got your favorite snack than be told that "I thought about buying you that, but I didn't"? 

Effort > Price

Didn't have money to buy gift wrapper? Any paper will do.

The problem with men courting women usually stems from the courting stage. Men shower their women with gifts like money grew on trees. Then the relationship deteriorates because the guy no longer gives his girl such lavish gifts some months into the relationship. There are two causes of why this happens; men do stuff they can't sustain, and women mistake value for effort. If men really wanted to be "loved" for "who they really are", they shouldn't really be paying x amount of money for such grand gestures. I think women don't really care much about that. I think women would much rather have a bouquet of shitty flowers you picked rather than a big, decorated bouquet that cost you a MyPhone. Some women think that the guy did really special things for her when the fact of the matter is, he bought his way to her heart. I think men should stop with the expensive gifts if they can't afford it, and for women to look at the gifts and see beyond the price tag and more on the effort put into it. Money is finite, but the effort to make your partner happy is boundless if it truly is love.

Finding ways

There's always a way.

Remember the saying that "Kung gusto, may paraan, kung ayaw, maraming dahilan"? If one person is worth the love that you have, there are infinite means to do things for him/her. It means gaining superhuman strength to walk miles if your wallet fails to cooperate with the travel that you need, suddenly becoming the world's greatest artist to produce a collage of memories, and having a sixth sense for what your partner may like; these are are just some things that show that you go beyond what you can do for the person you love. You always find ways to make your loved one happy, and it shouldn't matter if you're tired, sleepy, untalented, or whatnot. Going back to my previous point, the end result could probably not be the prettiest thing in the world, but the effort one puts into an act means the world to the one you love. Don't give excuses if you can't do something, because if he/she is worth it, you wouldn't even need to think of a valid excuse.

Changing Yourself

That face changes. It's called "growing old".

While "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars became a worldwide hit and is a really sweet song, I call bullshit on anyone who would say this could be true. When we meet someone, and we say eventually that we fall in love with them, I think we fall in love with the illusion we have of them rather than who they really are. I mean, prior to being in a relationship, you have this idea of your future partner being this and that, and then when you get together, your partner has some traits you can't live with. The illusion that you have hides these traits; he/she may be the same person, but the illusion is only a fraction of who they really are. Now, do you give up and move on or decide to change yourself or your partner to make it work? I think naturally, people do change. Can you honestly tell me that 5 years ago, you'd make the same decisions that you did now, or even laugh at the same jokes you now can relate to your own life? We can "stay the same" all we want, but in reality, love is about adjustments, because one needs to cope up with the other as each one grows. You can't drag down your partner's hopes and dreams because you say that this is "not" him/her, nor can you whine and bitch that you don't have time for each other compared to when you were classmates in college or officemates next to each other. Our attitudes, the way we see life, our perspective of success, our priorities, and what path we want to take could change over the years. If one or the other can't change some things about oneself for the sake of the relationship, then both need to re-evaluate where they stand now. Does the other wait to be a part of his/her partner's life, or does the other end his/her misery when her/his life has become such a priority that a relationship can no longer be sustained? Love is simple. Life always has room for it, no matter how full it seems. If it doesn't, then maybe the love that you had was an illusion as well.

New is Always Better

"Ted, remember my one rule?"

Barney Stinson famously stated in an episode of How I Met Your Mother that "New is always better". It probably is true. In relationships, nothing compares to the "honeymoon period" of a couple; that stage where they're so in love and so crazy for one another. You know, that stage when the illusion hasn't been destroyed yet. That's where cheating stems from; you're in a relationship, and then you meet someone new, who you think is better than who you currently have. You may not be wrong in thinking that. However, wouldn't you be falling again for the illusion of the new person? What made this new one different from the old one? The newness of the feeling always makes it better, but if this is always true, when do you stop looking for that "new" feeling? This is what I don't get about these so-called "cheaters". If your relationship started with one or the other in a current relationship, how the hell would you say for certain that your partner would not leave you for another if he/she found that "new" feeling again? I go back to my first point. You don't take away a person who belongs to another and expect that who you took would not be taken just the same way. These are the people who made "it's complicated" a relationship status in Facebook. It shouldn't be. If you love someone, you commit to him/her. If you find yourself looking for someone new, then you don't love the person you're with. Don't give bullshit reasons that you've been together for so long or you love them equally. A relationship involves two people, not three or more. You choose one or the other and commit, not choose both and hide in the shadows with one of them. Those looking for "new" should learn how to respect the trust given to them enough to not look, or respect the person who trusted him/her enough to leave when he/she decides. Those who stay with previously committed people should respect themselves enough to not be just a flavor of the month, or respect the one kept out of the dark in the same way that he/she would want to be respected if eventually he/she is in a committed relationship. Those kept out of the dark shouldn't blame themselves for trusting too much, but should love themselves enough to not look back if they found out that they are being cheated. 

Simple enough? Life, like love, is really simple. As my dad used to say, "simple lang ang buhay, tayo lang nagpapa-komplika nito".