...the house bunny & stuff...

che and i watched the premiere of the house bunny. but this ain't a review. far from it...

yeah, the movie was really funny, you don't need to think to get the jokes... it's a laugh trip from start to finish...

but anyway, as i said, this is not about the movie... well, sure, the movie's going to be here, but its not the main reason why i posted this...

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shelley, the main protagonist, was an orphan who eventually ended up in the playboy mansion... upon turning 27 and given the party of her life, she was asked to leave the house that she has known for all her life...

she would eventually wind up in a college sorority house, which, she says, is like a "mini playboy mansion"... she gets rejected by the populars, but was accepted by the losers who were in desperate need of help to save their house... her ways become embraced by the losers, because, they say, she knows boys... she actually calls herself an "expert" with boys...

then she meets oliver, a nice man who manages a nursing home.. they go out sometime, with shelley trying to get oliver to like her by using her "tricks"... oliver wasn't pleased, and eventually left shelley... the girls then thought they could help her, and they tried to make her decent and stuff.. eventually, that failed too...

sure, in the end they still wound up together, with oliver actually knowing who shelley really was.... they started all over again...

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mindless as it may be, it actually made a lot of sense to me...

having met a wide variety of people, i tend to categorize them and generalize what type of person they are. and at times, i turn out to be right... then stuff happen to me, which i try to handle using these "generalizations" i've created in my mind... and i turn out to be wrong... then i get burned...

here are some things i learned from the movie:

1. i learned that people were not meant to be read and given judgement before they even try to present themselves to you... each person was made unique, and may probably have some same characteristics as one, but certainly not exactly the same.... you're free to judge whatever from the outside, but if it involves you already, you gotta learn to step back and find a different perspective to better decide on what you're  suposed to do...


2. i learned that you don't have to adjust to the needs of the other person if you really love him/her... always "assuming" that what you're doing is "liked" by the the person you love doesn't always translate to good things...

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as it turns out, that movie might probably be the last movie i'll watch with her in a while... 3 years and 11 months, and now we're taking different paths. i guess in 3 years and 11 months, you lose identity, you don't think of yourself anymore, you always have to take into consideration the other half of you... and now, heads down, we take different paths along the crossroads of life. if that road leads to another common path, then that would be nice... travelling alone in our own dark paths might actually make us stronger, braver to face new challenges... if it doesn't, well, i just hope we end up in a good place along that road we're taking...

i know this has been a constant cause of argument, blogging about personal life, but this is all i have... this is what's left of the "me" who has not compromised...

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i'm lost. its hard to be alone. especially after everything...

you realize that you lose not just one person, you lose the whole world you built around that person...

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my thesis was something i really worked hard on and tried so desperately to understand... what i wanted to end up with was a philosphical basis for a meaningful life... being rather vague, i had to sort it out by choosing a perspective of a particular philosopher, Maurice Merleau-Ponty... what stuck to me was the idea that the world and yourself are so intertwined that you give meaning to the world as it gives meaning to you. in a sense, it is you who percieves, hence, it is you who can give meaning to the world. but in the same manner, the world percieves you, hence, it gives you meaning. yet, this is a temporary life, limited. you then make the most out of your life by giving meaning to most of the world, by most of the world giving meaning to you...

during my thesis days, i felt i mattered, i felt i was making the most of my life, because i had meaning; a lost soul, and people around me had meaning; my guiding light. we had a goal; to finish the thesis. and after that, i am again a soul in search of meaning. my guiding light? well, they can't guide someone to a goal that that someone doesn't even know himself...

right now, i feel like crap and as good as dead... i feel dispensible. i've lost meaning, no longer a "boyfriend", only another face... who else am i? heck, i don't even have my own department in my office. i have no definite goal, and now that one person who i've been walking with towards nothingness has decided to take a different path...

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i haven't given up. i'm still hoping our paths would cross later. right now, is alone time.. i never believed in "cool off" periods, but i guess i'll have to now, for the sake of "meaning"...

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in case you haven't noticed, this is a private message, viewed only by a select few... i'll be postng a less revealing blog later. che was never a big fan of blogs... especially if its about "us". you're able to read this now, because a.) you're probably a close friend i don't want to be asking che about "kmusta na kayo?", b.) you probably won't say senseless things, c.) you're old enough to understand that blogging is my escape, and though this might probably be unethical (writing bout personal stuff), expressing my thoughts keep me from slashing my wrists.