On to my rants:
In Sickness and In Health
My dad and my aunt are suffering from different illnesses. I'm not sure how serious they are, but I guess they're pretty significant. My aunt had to fly to the US for some treatment, and my mom has regularly accompanied my dad to the doctor for the past couple of weeks for treatment. Since my mom's side rarely has gatherings, I make it a point to be there whenever there is one. My dad has recently been trying to connect by starting a conversation that usually gets me going: basketball.
I do try to start conversations and keep it going. However, it sometimes is difficult to sustain something that I have never been used to. My mother's side of the family has a huge age gap, and we barely see each other (usually about 8 times a year?), so it comes across as awkward at times when we talk. My dad has always been "right" in everything that we talk about, and never really listened to me (to this day, we still argue about Charles Barkley not having a ring in the NBA). I think that it may be one of the reasons why I'm such a prick at times. It seemed to me that all my life, I never really got to do anything right or impressive for him, that when I'm with my peers, I try to have some kind of superiority complex just so I can make myself feel less inferior.
It's frustrating now that I can't change. I can't shake off the awkwardness with family, nor can I face the inferiority I feel when I talk to my dad. I can hear Britt Reid's dad telling me "trying doesn't count if you're only going to fail".
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On Perfection and Learning
I love my uncle. He sees the best in people, and gives them a chance when nobody else does. That's why I'm working for him, because he's giving me a chance. Outside work, I get to freely talk to him more than I can talk to my dad. But over the past few weeks, I'm learning why my co-workers have a communication problem within the office.
He told me that he can be a different person when he's in work mode. He told me that he would be shouting at me at times, but that would be only within the confines of the office. And with our relationship as family intact, I respect him for that. But as a boss, I'm becoming more and more afraid of him. Well, not because he'd shout at me, but because I'm afraid of being "wrong" again. It's my dad all over again. My uncle rarely taught me stuff, and I've never really practiced some of the things he taught me, that sometimes, I tend to go back and ask him again.
I'm barely being productive these past few days, and I think I'm blaming this stupid fear for my ineffectiveness and lack of effort. I need to talk it out. I'm eating a lot of pride here. I can't wait to win the lottery to start my own business.But for now, I need to persist. And I need to find inspiration and courage to face my fear(s) NOW.
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On Reality and Cheesy Movies
Its always fun to watch cheesy flicks. You get an idea of what makes people react the way they do, and you feel good if their love persists and goes on a "happily ever after" ending. But sometimes, I think they tend to make you forget about your reality, and lose yourself to that fantasy.
You never question why the protagonists get to eat and not pay for their food, you only see them having a nice dinner date at a fancy place.You never question how they can get off work so easily just to declare feelings for their significant other, you just find the gesture as the sweetest thing ever. You don't ask what they do for a living, you just see that they can go on random getaways to spend time with each other.
Movies are made of fiction, and though they do show some conflict, they resolve it in grand ways that aren't always possible in the real world. It's like fast-forwarding to the good parts, without consideration to the essential parts.
Movies are supposed to entertain us, not provide blueprints of our lives. Its frustrating to want a fairy tale when reality is telling you that things don't work that way.
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Social Networks and Technology
The idea that technology has made it easier to connect to people who are far away and made it more difficult to connect with those who are closer is not new. We all see it happening. And we have acknowledged it.
But as somewhat of a slave to these tech stuff myself, I feel a bit violated because of the widespread use of social networks. While it may be true that the essence of having one is to actually share yourself to the world or friends, it is now becoming more and more limiting despite them being more flexible. When before it catered to a younger audience, now it is almost becoming a necessity that almost everyone has to have one, including your parents. On one side, it is actually fun to think that they are trying to connect with you or your peers, but I don't know, sometimes it just doesn't work that way.
Blogging is my escape. It is my public diary. I know that people may read my blogs, but I'm pretty confident that nobody really reads it so I feel free to post whatever I want to say in my blogs. I do accept criticism and comments, heck, even jokes about my thoughts, but what I can't accept is ridiculing how I handle my social networks, what I want to share and why I want to share it.
Old people want to be "in" but they never really understand what it is to be "in" this social network thing. There are things some people post that irk me, and there are some posts I do that may irk you, but if I've got reason for it and you don't understand, don't try to be a freakin know-it-all and ridicule small nothings because to me, they are something.
I daresay that social networks are only fun when the right people are in it. That said, I have finally made use of some privacy features of Facebook. I shall take to Twitter for random musings. Facebook just isn't as fun anymore.
that's the one thing that I really try to work on, to connect with my mom (and in some ways, to my estranged dad). to show that i appreciate everything and prove that she raised me well. still, like you, we don't get along at certain topics, as I try my best to act/sound/think like an adult when she has 20+ yrs of experience over me. I pray that you are able to spend more time with your folks, and that whatever illness your pop has, subsides. GB bro
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