...Meaningful Connections...

I’ve always been terrified of death.

The uncertainty of what happens after it shakes me to my core. Do we get reincarnated? Do we stay to haunt houses? Do we watch over our loved ones? Do we go to heaven? What happens in hell? Do we become cows or mosquitoes?

How much would this suck?

I never got over this fear, and I probably never would, but the thought of it always made me want to maximize every living day of my life.

When I was single, it meant being everywhere every time – I’d be the guy who would probably show up if you needed a drinking buddy at the shortest of notices. When I moved away, that turned into multiple chat groups on social media to stay in the loop of things happening in my friends’ lives.

I would stay up late and wake up at the earliest possible time my body would allow me to, because I felt that I’d have all the time in the world to sleep when I’m dead.

I could be playing games, staying up late to talk to people, or drinking until there’s no more alcohol left to consume – I probably wouldn’t sleep until my body tells me to.

I’ve lost so many people in my life, and in remembering their lives in their wakes, I always get reminded that material gains mean nothing when you’re gone.

All that people are left with are memories with you, the connections you made with them, and the conversations you left them with.

It made me value how I connected with people. It made it easier for me to filter out those who I didn’t need in my life.

Here’s how I made changes to make more meaningful connections in my life:

1. Accepting What I'm Not

There was a trend that came up recently where people post their achievements with captions like "22 and bought my first car, how about you?"

As a houseband, there are a lot of things that I can't achieve that my peers are working towards. I've  beaten myself up thinking "I should be doing this, I should be earning this much, I should already have that, etc."

Some people around me feel like I could be capable of greater things, or that I am wasting my life away by not living up to the conventional standards of success.

Upon reflection, I realized that I have no reason to live by anyone's standards. 

If I get a high-paying job or run a successful business, will they be satisfied with my achievements? Will it make their lives better knowing that I'm living up to what they think my potential is? Will my life be full knowing that I fulfilled their expectations of me?

And then I realized there was only one question that mattered: does their happiness have to matter more than mine?

We should find our own happiness.

Life shouldn't be a competition. 

We chase different goals, so who should define what a successful life is? If a capable engineering student decides to become a priest, does he fail in life because he can't utilize his talents properly?

We live on different paces, so who's to say that we're lagging behind in terms of milestones? Susan Boyle was 40 when she introduced herself to the world and started her career as a singer. 

I'm happy when my friends achieve their goals, and congratulate them with sincerity instead of jealousy. I've learned to not ask for favors, treats, or freebies for every success of my peers, because they don't owe me anything, and they worked hard to get to where they did. 

Meanwhile, I learned to live with those who are disappointed with how I am living my life - I stopped giving a fuck. 

By accepting my reality, I no longer felt the need to justify my situation to anyone and just swept away any judgmental opinion that came my way. 

It helped me spend less time with people who won't contribute positively in my life, and more time with people who matter to me. 

2. Filtering the Negative

My social media feed is my source of news about the world as well as my connection with my friends from past to present.

I can’t do anything about depressing or disappointing events happening, but friends who are constantly sharing negativity have no place in my feed or my life.

I don’t expect to be surrounded exclusively by people who share the same views that I do - I actually appreciate people who have a different perspective than mine, as they educate me.

However, if after a while, this friend continues to share nothing but his or her anger for the world, I either mute or unfriend them.

On top of my head, I can’t think of particular posts that they did, but I know that I’ve disconnected from people who I think are unreasonable when they argue, take fake news sites as bible truth, post 20 different versions of the same selfie, constantly flex things they clearly can’t afford, and are literal keyboard warriors, among others.

Your selfies aren't the problem - it's the effect on me that's negative.

I’d probably still talk to them when we bump into each other, but I most definitely won’t be spending too much time on that conversation.

In the finite time that I have in this world, I don’t want to spend a bulk of it stressing about negativity either by their posts or the effect their posts have on me.

3. Reaching Out

I usually comment on a friend’s post when it’s funny or relatable, but when it’s about something serious, I tend to reach out through a direct message.

Once, a college acquaintance posted about losing her unborn child.

I don’t remember us talking back in college, but as part of the student council back then, I made myself known to a lot of people so I probably added her on Facebook as she was one of the more recognizable faces of her major.

She left her heart out in her post, and I felt her sadness.

I sent her a message, admitting how I understood that we’re not really close or anything, but I just wanted to tell her how I admired her courage for sharing her tragedy, and how I hoped and will pray that she would stay strong despite it.

She appreciated my message, and even dismissed my claim that she may not know me and even referred to me as “Kuya Voltaire.”

It didn’t make us best buddies who comment or react on each other’s posts, but that was never the intention.

I just really wanted to reach out to let her know that she’s an inspiration instead of just posting “condolence” on her comment section with a sad face emoji. I wouldn’t even be offended if she didn’t reply, but the subsequent conversation we had was a welcome bonus.

Maybe she needed my message, maybe she didn’t. However, I sympathized with her as a parent, and would probably welcome any words of encouragement if I were in her situation.  

People are often hesitant to read messages from obscure people from their past because they might be selling something or are asking to borrow money.

I dream of a world where my son and those who will come after him could care for each other genuinely, where they could help those who really need it without the fear of being taken advantage of.

I remember a prayer I learned while my uncle was housed in La Salle that said “let me be the change I want to see,” and so I act with the hope that this could be the norm of at least the people around me.

I'm not a La Sallian, but my uncle was housed in their community for quite a while,
and this was one of the prayers that stuck with me

4. Disconnecting

Whenever I have visitors or I go out, I make it a point to put my phone face-down.

It’s led to a lot of arguments with my wife, because she gets worried when I don’t answer for long stretches, since she knows that I’m constantly on my phone when I’m at home.

However, I understand that it diminishes the presence of people around me if I’m more interested looking at my phone than talking to them.

I know, because I feel so small when I can’t even pry my friend’s attention away from his or her phone when we’re together.

How many times have you sat on a table with friends, but no one is talking because everyone’s looking for the perfect filter for their post?

How many dishes went cold because you had to take a hundred shots of your spread before you dug in?

A lot of us live different lives online as opposed to reality.

What social gatherings looks like most of the time these days.

It’s easy to shape a personality online – angles make you look thinner or taller, you can choose from multiple shots so that you can post your perfect pose, and you can always share your smiles and happiness so that people will see that you’re doing ok.

But reality can’t always be fixed by a filter or an angle.

I’m not saying you should post as much “aww, I’m miserable” posts on your page as much as you post “wow look at how much fun I’m having today.”

Rather, I want to encourage making connections by disconnecting.

Engage in real conversations – those with emotions, with unfiltered smiles, and unedited words, and not just sentences that end with emojis.

People actually once lived without social media, so it’s really not a mortal sin if you don’t post every little thing happening in your life.

Some of the best moments and conversations I had with friends are those that end with us going our separate ways and later realizing that we weren’t able to capture the moment with a photo. 

These small changes I made in my life have not eliminated my fear of death completely.

However, with these changes, I feel more fulfilled in how I am leading my life, and somehow lessens my worries about what comes after for the people I will leave behind.  

I'm sharing this for anyone who needs it, but I'm more than willing to learn how you deal with the same fear, if you have it as well. 

...LeBron James, Two-Time NBA Champion...

I never thought I'd see the day when I am actually rooting for Kobe to come back, and I'm making a blog dedicated to freakin LeBron James. I have always claimed to be a Wade-era Heat fan. It was a crappy few years after the '06 championship, but I stuck with them, hoped that Micheal Beasley would be a nice second for Wade, and was excited that Chris Bosh signed with the team in that big 2010 free agency.

And then came "The Decision". I hated the fact that LeBron joined the Heat. It meant the LeBron fanboys were going to join the bandwagon. It meant the public was going to be expecting nothing less than a championship, much like people expected nothing less from the '08 Boston Celtics. And that stupid "welcome party" they threw for the ONLY three guys who had active contracts for the Heat did not help endear themselves to the rest of the league.

They lost to Dallas in their first year; they were probably a bit too overconfident. They won against Oklahoma last year, but they never really got tested in the East after Derrick Rose had that freak injury, and Oklahoma was just too young. This year, they were dominant in the season, looked vulnerable against the Bulls, looked beatable against the Pacers, and had just an amazing, amazing series against the Spurs.

For all the criticism I think he deserved quite a bit, I think LeBron desreves a lot of credit for his accolades over the past two seasons. Let this non-LeBron fanboy try to defend our team's MVP by pointing out some criticism hurled against him.

He' a Choker

He probably still is. He had some bad end games in the Spurs series. But he is clearly trying. I'm not a professional athlete. Chances are, you aren't too. However, at one point in our lives, we probably had to take an important shot in a game. We may have missed some. Imagine doing that at the grandest stage of basketball, in front of thousands of people.

We make some, and we miss some. That's just how the ball rolls. He probably is making up for his "choking" by putting his team in a position where they could win it. He made plays to bring the team back when they were down in Game 5, but just couldn't do much in the 4th. He got lucky in Game 6 because they had the offensive rebound for that three pointer to bring them within two, but he had some pretty awful misses late in that game. 

If you're not a shooter, you improve your slashing ability. If you suck in the paint, you practice your shooting from the perimeter. For LeBron, if he is indeed a choker, he's doing his best to put his team in the position to have a chance to win, even if he's ultimately not going to be the guy to hit the winning shot.

He Took a Shortcut to Success

By joining Wade and Bosh in Miami, LeBron took the fast route and somewhat "cheated" success because the three of them in one team immediately made them contenders.

On the flipside, did you ever think that he would win titles in Cleveland where the second best player in the team is either an aging Zydrunas Ilgauskas, an ACL injury-recovering Mo Williams, a washed-up Shaquille O'Neal or Antawn Jamison?  It's not like he didn't give Cleveland a chance. He was drafted in 2003, and through those 7 years, Cleveland built around him. The pieces just wouldn't fit together well enough. In that 2007 Finals run, it was more about LeBron than anyone else. Who was the next threat? Old Z? No-offense Varejao? Donyell Freakin Marshall? Not-all-there Larry Hughes? Heck, John Snow would've helped them more that Eric Snow. 

If LeBron stayed in Cleveland, they'd have to pay him 100-mil or more. They will lack financial flexibility, and Cleveland just isn't too attractive of a place to go to, unlike Chicago, or Boston, or Los Angeles. Bosh and Wade already signed with Miami by then, and most of the big names already signed with teams. He'll probably get lesser stars to play with him again, at the level of Larry Hughes (good, not great) and he'll have to stay in a team that'll be good enough to win games in the regular season, but not good enough to win it all.

Would the Cavs be an attractive team with Kyrie Irving there? I think not as much as when LeBron was there. But the Cavs have Kyrie precisely because they sucked bad enough when LeBron left that they got a gem in Kyrie. If LeBron does come back to Cleveland to try and fulfill his promise of a title, he'll be with Kyrie at the point, and not some unknown ball player. 

Everyone needs a good second at least. He wasn't getting that in Cleveland during his stay.

He will NEVER be as Great as the Other Legends

Why didn't Kevin Garnett or Ray Allen have this much hate for this long when they bolted out of their teams to "win titles" in Boston? I read somewhere that KG actually said that if given another chance, he would love to have moved to a contender earlier in his career. Would Garnett NOT be considered one of the all-time greats because he moved to Boston?

LeBron is doing what Garnett wish he could've done earlier in his career. When KG and Allen joined the Celtics, they knew their window wasn't too big. LeBron's window is as wide as a door when he joined the Heat. 

Now, talking about other greats; Bill Russell had Bob Cousy in his team, and I won't even pretend I know the other guys in his team or how good they were because I don't. I just know the name Bob Cousy well enough to know that he was one of the all-time greats.

Magic Johnson had Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, James Worthy, Kurt Rambis, and MIcheal Cooper. They weren't called "Showtime" for nothing.

Larry Bird had Kevin McHale, Robert Parish, and Dennis Johnson. 

Micheal Jordan had Scottie Pippen (who I think was LeBron before LeBron, big, athletic, can carry a team on his back) in his first championship, after years of working with the guy to become the player that he was by 1991. Who would that have been to LeBron?

Tim Duncan had Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili. 

Kobe Bryant had Shaquille O'Neal, and wouldn't win another title until Pau Gasol came along.

Looking at the Cavs roster through 2010, did you even tremble at any of the remaining players on the Cavs roster if LeBron stayed? Anthony Parker? Jamario Moon? Sebastian Telfair?Daniel Gibson? Leon Powe? Old Z?

Every great player played with another great player to win their championships. It didn't seem that LeBron was going to get it in Cleveland with the way things were going for them at the time, and I couldn't blame LeBron for not wanting to waste his youth and energy in mediocrity in Cleveland.

How will he not end up as one of the greats? He has a freakish body with basketball skills to match, he is an unstoppable force on a fastbreak (apparently, unless your name is not Danny Green), and he can fill the box scores with his all-around game. How many have come before him who had all these? Are you not impressed watching him play like he was straight out of a video game? 

Conclusion

Should he have not left Cleveland? I think like every one of us who want growth professionally, he needed to move on from Cleveland as well. Like in our own professional careers, we can choose not to move out of the company that honed us to be who we are, and still achieve sufficient financial gains for "utang na loob" or loyalty.

However, sometimes we want more. We need to grow more because we feel unfulfilled where we are. LeBron was the hometown kid and the city built their team around him, kind of like a company providing you with all the training you need and promoting you when you deserved to be promoted. He had stability and a huge influence in the franchise. He was going to be what Karl Malone and John Stockton were for Utah or Patrick Ewing for New York or Reggie Miller for Indiana; beloved by the city, they defined their franchises. 

LeBron James didn't want to end up like them, or Alonzo Mourning or Gary Payton or Jason Kidd or this generation's Mitch Ritchmond who had to ride a powerhouse team late in their careers just to win a ring. It was the one thing he couldn't achieve in Cleveland. He wanted multiple championships while he can still play for it, and by staying another three to five years in Cleveland, he's wasting precious time making rivalries against Gilbert Arenas or Deshawn Stevenson rather than competing for the big prize in the Finals. 

I hated him while he was in Cleveland because of the hype he generated and just the thought that he seemed like a video game character brought to life. I still don't like him now, but "hate" is too strong of a word to describe my feeling for him now. I respect his game, but I still hate his shenanigans leading up to "The Decision" and the stuff they did after. If he never left, people would probably still hate on him. Because he left, people hate him immensely.

Either way, though, I think leaving turned out better for him. At least he has a couple of rings now, unlike being proclaimed "The King Without a Crown" in Cleveland. For all the shit thrown at him, he couldn't throw anything back when he was in Cleveland because apparently, winning the MVP trophy wasn't enough for people to consider him one of the best. Now, he can let his critics throw all the shit they want, while he fortifies his house with his two MVP trophies and two championships. 

While we see them as sports icons, remember that to them, basketball is their job. Given that fact, consider that they need to make the same decisions that you are going to make in your own professional career. No growth? File a resignation, and apply for another job. Would you not take a faster route to the top of the corporate ladder if the opportunity was given to you early in your career? Would you speak perfectly in front of an audience at all times while presenting a concept or report? Do you need to live up to those who preceded you, or do you have to be your own man or woman?

As douche-y as LeBron did what he did, it was a professional decision that he had to make, moving out of Cleveland. He chose not to be a hero of the masses because he wanted more for himself. At the end of the day, we make decisions that we think are best for ourselves, and not what other people might think.