...Houseband Chronicles vol. 2: Realizations From Real Conversations...

At this day and age, I still haven't figured out if I'm an introvert or an extrovert.

I enjoy the company of people. I like to meet new friends, I like to stay connected with old ones, and you can easily leave me alone in a room full of strangers and I'd leave with a crew at the end of the day. 

However, I also love to keep to myself. I can spend an entire day walking around the city with my earphones plugged in, listening to music or podcasts and not care about anyone else. I hate calling on the phone to set up appointments or place orders.

Given these facts, life as a houseband has been pretty neutral for me. I don't have to deal with a lot of people, which is a plus for my introvert side, but the extrovert me is bored to his wits. 

My phone, then, has become an essential tool for me to stay connected with others. Unfortunately, it is also a main source of distraction.

Cellphones have become such a norm now that not having one seems like a foreign concept.
(image source: https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/m/modern_society.asp)

I've been to gatherings with friends where five people are staring at their phones on the same table. I've been to dinners where the hungry couldn't eat because the perfect photo hasn't been snapped. The most physical interaction people have sometimes is when they share the phone watching a single video. 

I'm guilty of it too. The introvert in me enjoys the extrovert things because the phone becomes my avatar to interact with others.

That said, when I get a chance to meet with people, I try to make it a point to detach myself from my phone in order to have amazing conversations. 

Here are some of the things that I realized from my recent interactions with friends and family:

The Social Media Connection

Didn't see each other at all through college and years after that, and I still became a client.

In July, I had a high school friend do our baby's birthday cake.

I met Rachelle when our class met theirs in an official school event where an all-boys school has some kind of soiree with an all-girls school. We didn't really hang out, but our class was pretty tight, so my friends' friends are also somehow my friends.

Naturally, we didn't catch up on a regular, but because of social media, I was able to at least know that she makes cakes. 

When I picked up the cake, I realized it was the first time I actually called her on the phone. 

Our brief interaction made me look back at my adolescent life. Back then, life seemed complicated when I was living it. There were too many rules, not enough money to spend, and there was a constant fear of taking examinations in school. I couldn't wait to get older.

After a bit of catching up with her, I realized that there wasn't much to talk about because the issues that bothered us back then were so trivial that we didn't even need to ask about any of it. We could only be amazed that we were still able to reconnect after so many years.

It's one of the wonders that social media does for people - the slightest connection you have with one can lead to a different relationship over time.

The Dad Life

Drink when it's cheap, eat where it's cheap later.

Moshe and I have been friends by association since college. We were dating our significant others then, and they were in the same class.

Years later, we're both married to them, we've been housemates, and we're practically family. While we don't usually drink out, there was a promo where we could drink out and not feel too guilty about it since it's not "Crazy Rich Asian" expensive - a norm here when you drink at bars compared to how much you spend in a bar back in the Philippines.

We live completely different lives. I'm a houseband, while he's the classic father-provider in their family. We don't have much in common, but we do have a passion for basketball and our families, which apparently was enough to last us an entire afternoon of conversations.

We face different challenges, but the beauty of an actual conversation is that you get to understand the other person better. Sharing challenges to each other isn't about who has it worse or better, but rather an opportunity to be with someone who can offer a fresh perspective or empathize with you.

Sharing and alcohol won't solve these problems, but having company while drinking means you get to talk about so much more than just the bad stuff.

Dads Are Still Bros

Mandatory "reporting" pic to send to the wife, a staple in every bro hangout.

In mid September, Nino visited Singapore alone after something came up that didn't allow Tring and baby Oona to join him.

Tring is a good friend of mine that I met in my early college days, while I met Nino a couple of years after we graduated when Tring introduced him as her boyfriend. Being the chummy guy that I am, I didn't want him to feel left out in the new group of people he met, so I talked to him a lot that night.

We eventually ended up being really good friends, to the point where I was hanging out with him more than I would with Tring.

Like Moshe, he's also working to provide for the family.

Instead of a beer session though, we spent the whole afternoon in a semi-tour; walked under the rain in Orchard, ate Chicken Curry, walked in IKEA and popped a bottle of whisky while playing NBA2K til midnight.

In a typical night/day out back then, we'd probably be playing basketball in the afternoon and having drinks later on, or maybe playing NBA2K while drinking, or simply just drinking.

Things dramatically change when we're older and have adult responsibilities.

While it was unfortunate that his family couldn't join him, it was a good reminder that underneath all our dadbod fats, we're still the bros we were back then.

Bridging the Gap

Beers on fancy cups, but there was nothing fancy with the stuff we talked about.

My dad has 12 other siblings in their family.

It shouldn't be a surprise that there are more than 40 of us who are cousins in just this side of the family.

We naturally grouped ourselves through our ages, and it has stuck for the most part.

When Moses, one of the younger ones, visited Singapore on official business, he spared some time to meet with me to catch up.

For years, we've had a hunch of his gender identity, but we never actually confronted him about it. Over the past couple of years, he has been more open to the family about it, and is now one of my most fabulous cousins.

He cooks, he bakes, and he manages his dad's schedule, among other important things in their company.

10 years ago, I never would have imagined myself sitting across a table from him, sharing a beer and stories I wouldn't have asked him.

Growing up, there's a certain generation gap even if it's just a difference of four or five years. However, at some point, we all become adults, and would have to deal with the same adult issues. Age really does become just a number.

Live In The Now

This guy is the shining example of why I can't see alcohol as something to drown out problems,
because it's always fun drinking with him

My cousin Richard has been in Singapore for the longest time, and was instrumental in helping my sister stay in the country while she was still finding a job.

However, since they're living on the other side of the island, we rarely get a chance to meet in my three years of staying here.

One night after we came back to Singapore after Vino's birthday, I asked to meet Richard some time soon so that I could share some Bicol Express I brought from home. Over the course of our conversation, we ended up deciding to meet later that day.

Two bottles became three towers of beer, but we barely noticed it because we were so busy catching up with so many things that we ended up staying way past our curfews.

We talked so much about life, the future, and opportunities, and I learned a lot. And to think that meeting wouldn't have happened if we planned it ahead of time.

Too many times, "something came up" and other random events keep happening that we miss out on catching up with people we want to meet. As we both learned that night, there was no better time than "now" to make things happen.

Keeping It Together

A night out is usually never complete without this litter bugger.

Inspired by the great conversations I had, I took out my wife one Sunday night.

Without much interactions or anything significant happening in my life at home, I don't have much to share to her on a regular basis. On her side, work has kept her busy that even at home, there may be times that she's still working. At times, instead of sharing her frustrations, she would rather get some rest.

I never held it against her, because I did grow up with both my parents working. While they weren't as readily available as other parents, it didn't make me love them less, because I knew that they were away so that they could provide food on the table. Similarly, my wife works to provide for the family, so I give her all the space she needs and just stayed ready when she needs me.

After meaningful moments with friends and family, I thought it was time to do the same with her on a stress-free night.

With our baby tired for the day, we had him tucked to sleep while we slipped out for a quick dinner for two. It was a random date, but it seemed one we needed to have.

We're going into year three of our marriage, but it will actually be 14 years of being together. Being comfortable with each other for this long makes it easy to forget how important these dates and conversations are in making our relationship last.

Never take these simple things for granted, because you'll never know if there are small issues that are piling up.  

...Housedad Chronicles vol. 1: The Hidden Adult Themes of BabyTV...

My baby is a regular of BabyTV, which means I am constantly watching it as well. I can sing along to the morning, afternoon, and night song, and I almost know what shows are going to play by the minute. It's not quite Barney or Teletubbies in terms of hypnotic effect on babies, but the variety of shows and stuff that he sees allow him to recognize them whenever we go out.

Most of the shows like the Big Bug Band, the Cuddlies, and Tucky Tales, among others don't use words, so he tends to mumble a lot of nothings when he's trying to say something. It's one of the reasons why I want to shift to another kids channel.

The other reason is that some of the shows that actually use words may have underlying adult themes that my kid is not ready for. Of course, these can be easily refuted because there's a chance that these are completely false and are just a product of my overthinking.

However, Let me share my theories just in case others can relate, so I can confirm my hunch about BabyTV.

Show: Goodnight Teddy Bear
What It Should Be: Teddy Got High Again

How the Show Goes:

Mommy bear tucks Baby Bear in to bed and asks him about his day. Baby Bear then details his adventure for the day, either by himself or with someone else. He goes to unimaginable places and Mommy Bear buys into all his stories. After sharing, he'll be too tired and is tucked to sleep.

What Good This Show Does:

I think it promotes sharing on the child's part. Traditionally, a bedtime story is told by the parent until the child falls asleep. In this case, it's the kid who tells the stories until he falls asleep, with his mom a mere spectator to his vivid adventures for the day.

Underlying Adult Theme:

Baby Bear is a junkie, using his play dates to satisfy his addiction. Who flies to the moon using their bike? Or visit the Statue of Liberty, the Eiffel Tower and a couple other spots in a day with their grandfather just by walking? His mother isn't helping ease her child's delusion either.

Why We Still Watch It:

Vino likes to watch puppets talking to each other. This is the first show that he recognizes and smiles whenever it starts.

Show: The Post Train
What It Should Be: Post Office Corruption Tales

How the Show Goes:

Fast Frank is a post delivery guy. He drops by the post office to ask if there are packages he needs to deliver. Post master says he does, but he lost the address. Frank then embarks on a trip to where he assumes the recipient might be living in, but fails in his first two tries. When he finally meets the recipient, he asks if he could see the item. Before they say their goodbyes, the post master arrives and hands them a supplemental item for the gift.

What Good This Show Does:

When Frank assumes where the recipient lives, he usually goes by clues. Every destination he arrives at gives him another clue as to where the recipient may be. I guess it teaches the viewer the right place where the recipient can be seen. The recipient is an animal. 

Underlying Adult Theme:

The postmaster is a corrupt official with a fetish of going through the mail that he is in charge of. He says he lost the address and lets the burden of delivery fall to Frank. However, after every episode, he arrives with something that matches the original deliver. How could he possibly know what's inside the package, when Frank, who takes it with him to two other places, had to ask the owner if he could see what's inside? Also, if he lost the address, how did he know where to find Frank? If he knew beforehand, why didn't he help the guy out instead of wasting his time going to other places?

Why We Still Watch It:

It has a catchy theme song. "Fast Frank is here don't you worry!"

Show: Momento the Great Chef 
What It Should Be: Momento's Unrequited Love

How the Show Goes:

Momento cooks in his kitchen with his buddies - three talking pickles. Someone calls him out, and he's excited because he recognizes it as Perfecto. Perfecto then greets him, and tells him he has a gift for him, which gets Momento all excited. Perfecto reveals it as something that he got from his garden, and asks Momento to cook it for him. Momento goes back to the kitchen and figures out a way to Masterchef his way into using the Perfecto's "gift" as a main ingredient of his dish. He goes out with a sigh, and serves the food to Perfecto, who always loves the food.

What Good This Show Does:

There's a tutorial of how to actually do the dish. It's usually simple enough like cheese-filled baby peppers, an olive pizza dough, or even pineapple juice.

Underlying Adult Theme:

Momento the chef couldn't express his love for his favorite customer and friend. It shows in his faint disappointment when he learns that the gift isn't actually a gift for him, and it shows how flustered he is trying to impress Perfecto. Even before he presents his dish, there's a deep sigh he lets out that's probably just to show that he's finally done, or maybe it's because he's thinking it's best not to complicate their relationship with whatever he may be feeling.

Why We Still Watch It:

The simple recipes could be a starting point for Vino's future cooking interests. 

...Conversations: On Happiness, Faith, and a Lazy Society...

When I became a houseband, I thought I'd have plenty of time writing random blogs such as these, because I was able to make a lot back then. However, all the mobile gaming, the baby playing, and the writing assignments got in the way. Besides, Facebook offers long posts now so I get to semi-blog there.

Life becomes uneventful at home in a different country; not much interaction with strangers or new clients as before, and not much deep talks with friends over alcohol. That doesn't give me a lot to work on in terms of content.

There are a some conversations I had recently that I thought could be bundled together as a blog.

A Conversation on Happiness

Not a life-changing movie, but at least a conversation starter.
(Source: Netflix App) 

The wife and I watched "Happy Anniversary" on Netflix and it sparked an interesting late-night conversation.

For context, the movie is about a couple who have been together for three years and are celebrating their anniversary a day after going out with a couple friend who can't seem to get enough of each other. On their anniversary, the girl just blurts out "I'm not happy," as the movie follows them around for the day, reflecting on what changed that led them to where they are in the relationship.

It got the wife thinking if we are happy, and that we're not falling into the same hole that the couple in the movie had.

Personally, I think things could be better.

The social norm is that a man provides for the family, and the wife keeps the house in order. Women fought for gender equality and are now also significant individuals in the corporate world. Despite these however, people frown upon the notion of a woman providing for her and her man. It's a sentiment that a friend shared with me; as a major in humanities, he thought his fellow students of social sciences would be more accepting of the fact that it was his wife working while he stayed at home, but he was wrong. They had the same judgmental looks and questions as others have.

If I were to base my happiness on social norms, then I shouldn't be happy. However, I've thought of how I would be happy way before I had this life as a houseband, and frankly, I don't care what society thinks of me.

My wife is afraid that she doesn't have time for me or our baby because she's busy with work. I assured her that she's never too busy to not have time for us, and me being home should give our kid the parental presence we both want him to have.

I was raised by parents who worked full-time, while my wife was raised by parents who managed a business. While we grew up fine and understood early on that our parents were away most of the time precisely to provide the life that we were living, we both wanted to have a bigger presence in our children's lives when we became parents ourselves.

In a perfect world, I would have a corporate job that pays well enough to support our family, while my wife gets to take care of our child without taking work home with her. But life's not perfect. I don't have a job, and my wife usually needs to work overtime to finish her job.

I told her that it makes our union work. She fulfills her professional goals, while I fulfill our personal goals. We can't have everything. Even the "perfect" couple in the movie was later revealed as too absorbed with showing off how "perfect" their relationship was instead of living an actual life.

If I had a corporate job, our baby would grow up like we did; it's not bad, but it's not the way we wanted to be as parents. We need to live with the sacrifices, but ultimately, we concluded that we're happy - it's not the same happiness as the world dictates, which made her question it a bit, but we ended that conversation knowing that we were happy in our own way.

Forcing Faith vs Spreading Faith

Truth, in different perspectives.
(Image Source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fc/85/39/fc8539e853281b5805e0c2355ae18c80.jpg)

I've been blessed to have my faith grounded on the environment of Don Bosco Mandaluyong before it was questioned by the various philosophies we studied in UST.

It made me stubborn in the eyes of most elders, and is probably why "pilosopo" is a negative term in the local language while it is an honor to be called a "philosopher." Anyway, no one alive today could say that they personally knew Christ, Mohammed, or Buddha to know for certain which religion speaks the truth about life after death. We all base our knowledge of faith in books handed to us, based on the accounts of people who came before us.

Faith, I think, is very subjective. It's why Catholics go for the Sacrament of Confirmation because at birth, they are born into a religion. However, once they are able to think for themselves, they have the opportunity to choose if they will "confirm" what has been taught to them.

I believe that I can share my faith in God with people, but I don't believe I need to push my beliefs on anyone.

My dad and I had a lengthy argument about going to Church while I was in college. In a nutshell, I didn't believe that I should be going to Church because he said so, and I also think that we had the same reasons for going. As a result, I made a conscious effort to not attend mass with him which frustrated the heck out of both my parents. I prayed, and I went to church with my then-girlfriend (now wife), but I never announced it, didn't show it. I just did.

There are a lot of religions existing, and while some don't agree with your beliefs, it doesn't make them wrong. After all, you can't see all sides of a house from one vantage point; you can't assume a house is blue because you see one side is blue, the other side might be red for all you know.

Given this, we should respect a person's beliefs and not force what we think is right for them.

My parents shared this story of my uncle getting sour about Padre Pio's oil not healing my aunt that he loved so much. They feel like he's ungrateful for all the help Padre Pio has done for them, especially after some stories my dad shared about praying for my aunt and sharing her pain in order for her to be relieved by some of it.

Personally, I think it's a clash of beliefs broken down by a man's pain. We all wanted to help my aunt, and the best we could do was pray for her. At the time, there are moments of relief, and they shared it with my parents. However, we don't live with her everyday to see what she's going through on a daily basis. My uncle went all out in helping her; modern medicine, prayer, heck I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to talk to spirits in his effort to ease her pain.

Despite all our efforts (my uncle's, most especially), she succumbed to her war against sickness that she so valiantly fought for years. No amount of prayer could give us the miracle we craved, nor was there technology to save her completely.

My parents believe that it's partly because my uncle never really shared the same faith that they had when he prayed to Padre Pio. My uncle believes that that faith is useless because it didn't save his dear wife. I think it was just her time, and she was living in borrowed time for quite a while because of her will and determination to live, fueled by her family's love and everyone's prayers. It hurts, but it was inevitable. They wanted to blame something, anything, for their loss, when no one really is to blame.

My point in telling the story is that forcing faith isn't spreading it. Faith is internal. You can't tell a person to have the same faith in the things you believe in and expect them to just follow you like sheep. When we get to a turning point in our lives, we don't all take the same path.

This realization dawned on me after a conversation with someone about personal struggle. We came to the conclusion that while external help is appreciated, "personal" aspects like practicing faith shouldn't be forced on the one in need. There's walking a thin line on guidance and completely ignoring that line.

A Lazy Society

People on screens all the time and riding personal mobility devices - we're on our way to the future Wall-E has shown.
(Photo Source: https://imgur.com/gallery/jT43R)

This is more of a conversation with myself.

I write long posts, and this one is no different. It's a personal writing style that I've adapted even when writing for publications. On print, I understood the concern for the word count, but online, where there are no pages to count, I found it difficult to understand.

Of course, I am no sheep that only does what he's told. I asked until I understood.

People don't read through something that's too long. They always want easy to consume articles that gets direct to the point in order for them to move along to the next thing they're supposed to do or read. With information at the tip of our fingertips now, everything is so fast-paced that last hour's news is already old news.

Scrolling three times to finish an article is already a chore for most people that they don't bother to finish the whole article if it goes on that long. I don't think a lot of people will get to this part of my blog precisely because of that.

However, I think this is why fake news and online scams are so prolific at this day and age.

We're all about speed and breaking news that most people ignore how the news came about or the source of the news. Most people read the headline and assume that's all there is to a story. Some people don't bother to check out who sent them an email, assumes it's official, and submits their personal information to scammers who take advantage of their carelessness.

Society has become lazy because of how easy life is. The internet can give you so much that it almost eliminates the need to talk to people in person. After all, whatever you could talk about is probably on the internet anyway. Heck, even musicians aren't original because somehow their songs resemble some unknown artist's beats.

I like writing long articles because I want to paint a clear picture in my readers' minds but also provide them with the proper establishing facts that led me to that picture. However, this lazy society doesn't care about facts and instead wants to offer their own closed opinions on the matter. Instead of igniting an intelligent debate, I only get to interact with trolls whose only concern is to make a comment, even if it's just "FIRST!" or a bunch of other nonsense.

I still like to write and cater to an audience, but it's getting increasingly frustrating to come up with articles that are click-friendly instead of something that tickles one's thoughts.

I think I too have become part of this lazy society, as I'd rather post a thought immediately in order to spark a conversation with people who read it instead of waiting to make a blog out of it.

Hopefully, doing this blog lets me change that.