I enjoy the company of people. I like to meet new friends, I like to stay connected with old ones, and you can easily leave me alone in a room full of strangers and I'd leave with a crew at the end of the day.
However, I also love to keep to myself. I can spend an entire day walking around the city with my earphones plugged in, listening to music or podcasts and not care about anyone else. I hate calling on the phone to set up appointments or place orders.
Given these facts, life as a houseband has been pretty neutral for me. I don't have to deal with a lot of people, which is a plus for my introvert side, but the extrovert me is bored to his wits.
My phone, then, has become an essential tool for me to stay connected with others. Unfortunately, it is also a main source of distraction.
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| Cellphones have become such a norm now that not having one seems like a foreign concept. (image source: https://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/m/modern_society.asp) |
I've been to gatherings with friends where five people are staring at their phones on the same table. I've been to dinners where the hungry couldn't eat because the perfect photo hasn't been snapped. The most physical interaction people have sometimes is when they share the phone watching a single video.
I'm guilty of it too. The introvert in me enjoys the extrovert things because the phone becomes my avatar to interact with others.
That said, when I get a chance to meet with people, I try to make it a point to detach myself from my phone in order to have amazing conversations.
Here are some of the things that I realized from my recent interactions with friends and family:
The Social Media Connection
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| Didn't see each other at all through college and years after that, and I still became a client. |
In July, I had a high school friend do our baby's birthday cake.
I met Rachelle when our class met theirs in an official school event where an all-boys school has some kind of soiree with an all-girls school. We didn't really hang out, but our class was pretty tight, so my friends' friends are also somehow my friends.
Naturally, we didn't catch up on a regular, but because of social media, I was able to at least know that she makes cakes.
When I picked up the cake, I realized it was the first time I actually called her on the phone.
Our brief interaction made me look back at my adolescent life. Back then, life seemed complicated when I was living it. There were too many rules, not enough money to spend, and there was a constant fear of taking examinations in school. I couldn't wait to get older.
After a bit of catching up with her, I realized that there wasn't much to talk about because the issues that bothered us back then were so trivial that we didn't even need to ask about any of it. We could only be amazed that we were still able to reconnect after so many years.
It's one of the wonders that social media does for people - the slightest connection you have with one can lead to a different relationship over time.
The Dad Life
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| Drink when it's cheap, eat where it's cheap later. |
Years later, we're both married to them, we've been housemates, and we're practically family. While we don't usually drink out, there was a promo where we could drink out and not feel too guilty about it since it's not "Crazy Rich Asian" expensive - a norm here when you drink at bars compared to how much you spend in a bar back in the Philippines.
We live completely different lives. I'm a houseband, while he's the classic father-provider in their family. We don't have much in common, but we do have a passion for basketball and our families, which apparently was enough to last us an entire afternoon of conversations.
We face different challenges, but the beauty of an actual conversation is that you get to understand the other person better. Sharing challenges to each other isn't about who has it worse or better, but rather an opportunity to be with someone who can offer a fresh perspective or empathize with you.
Sharing and alcohol won't solve these problems, but having company while drinking means you get to talk about so much more than just the bad stuff.
Dads Are Still Bros
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| Mandatory "reporting" pic to send to the wife, a staple in every bro hangout. |
Tring is a good friend of mine that I met in my early college days, while I met Nino a couple of years after we graduated when Tring introduced him as her boyfriend. Being the chummy guy that I am, I didn't want him to feel left out in the new group of people he met, so I talked to him a lot that night.
We eventually ended up being really good friends, to the point where I was hanging out with him more than I would with Tring.
Like Moshe, he's also working to provide for the family.
Instead of a beer session though, we spent the whole afternoon in a semi-tour; walked under the rain in Orchard, ate Chicken Curry, walked in IKEA and popped a bottle of whisky while playing NBA2K til midnight.
In a typical night/day out back then, we'd probably be playing basketball in the afternoon and having drinks later on, or maybe playing NBA2K while drinking, or simply just drinking.
Things dramatically change when we're older and have adult responsibilities.
While it was unfortunate that his family couldn't join him, it was a good reminder that underneath all our dadbod fats, we're still the bros we were back then.
Bridging the Gap
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| Beers on fancy cups, but there was nothing fancy with the stuff we talked about. |
It shouldn't be a surprise that there are more than 40 of us who are cousins in just this side of the family.
We naturally grouped ourselves through our ages, and it has stuck for the most part.
When Moses, one of the younger ones, visited Singapore on official business, he spared some time to meet with me to catch up.
For years, we've had a hunch of his gender identity, but we never actually confronted him about it. Over the past couple of years, he has been more open to the family about it, and is now one of my most fabulous cousins.
He cooks, he bakes, and he manages his dad's schedule, among other important things in their company.
10 years ago, I never would have imagined myself sitting across a table from him, sharing a beer and stories I wouldn't have asked him.
Growing up, there's a certain generation gap even if it's just a difference of four or five years. However, at some point, we all become adults, and would have to deal with the same adult issues. Age really does become just a number.
Live In The Now
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| This guy is the shining example of why I can't see alcohol as something to drown out problems, because it's always fun drinking with him |
My cousin Richard has been in Singapore for the longest time, and was instrumental in helping my sister stay in the country while she was still finding a job.
However, since they're living on the other side of the island, we rarely get a chance to meet in my three years of staying here.
One night after we came back to Singapore after Vino's birthday, I asked to meet Richard some time soon so that I could share some Bicol Express I brought from home. Over the course of our conversation, we ended up deciding to meet later that day.
Two bottles became three towers of beer, but we barely noticed it because we were so busy catching up with so many things that we ended up staying way past our curfews.
We talked so much about life, the future, and opportunities, and I learned a lot. And to think that meeting wouldn't have happened if we planned it ahead of time.
Too many times, "something came up" and other random events keep happening that we miss out on catching up with people we want to meet. As we both learned that night, there was no better time than "now" to make things happen.
Keeping It Together
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| A night out is usually never complete without this litter bugger. |
Inspired by the great conversations I had, I took out my wife one Sunday night.
Without much interactions or anything significant happening in my life at home, I don't have much to share to her on a regular basis. On her side, work has kept her busy that even at home, there may be times that she's still working. At times, instead of sharing her frustrations, she would rather get some rest.
I never held it against her, because I did grow up with both my parents working. While they weren't as readily available as other parents, it didn't make me love them less, because I knew that they were away so that they could provide food on the table. Similarly, my wife works to provide for the family, so I give her all the space she needs and just stayed ready when she needs me.
After meaningful moments with friends and family, I thought it was time to do the same with her on a stress-free night.
With our baby tired for the day, we had him tucked to sleep while we slipped out for a quick dinner for two. It was a random date, but it seemed one we needed to have.
We're going into year three of our marriage, but it will actually be 14 years of being together. Being comfortable with each other for this long makes it easy to forget how important these dates and conversations are in making our relationship last.
Never take these simple things for granted, because you'll never know if there are small issues that are piling up.
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