...2010 Quotes of the Year//TeamFlow Compilation...

Approaching the new year, there are all sorts of countdowns and awards being given out to round up the whole year. I don't give out prizes and stuff, but I want to ride that bandwagon and post memorable quotes that I've encountered over the past year.

Walang personalan, masagasaa'y bahala na kung masaktan o magalit. Nais ko lang ipaalam sa mundo (all 5 of my readers) ang mga nasambit ninyong mga kataga na di ko malaman kung matutuwa ako o magagalit, pero sigurado, ginusto kong tumambling.

====================================================================

"I'm sorry to burst your bubble"

Quote from: To answer the question: "Are you in or out of this marriage?"

I say: What bubble?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Do you want to be ok for the rest of your life, or extremely happy for a short period of time?"

Quote from: On making a girl choose between 2 lovers. 

I say: Eventually, girl wanted to be happy for a short period of time, which turned out to be some couple of years. Score one for mediocrity? I wouldn't. It would be a fallacy. The "ok for the rest of your life" part didn't happen, so no one can truly say that that was the right choice. At that time, she chose what she thought was the best choice for her. She shouldn't view it as a mistake.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Di ko kaya mag-stay sa marriage dahil sa concept ng marriage"

Quote from: Guy justifying getting out of the marriage.

I say: So, what should be the reason for one to stay in a marriage? If it was a mere concept you don't genuinely believe in, you shouldn't have entered it in the first place. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Eh di siya na ang better person? Ok na thoughts mo?"

Quote from: A response to a comment: "…I thought you were better than your friend. I thought wrong. He’s way much better than you."

I say: I actually found it funny. I'd probably say the same. If you hate me, delete me. You can't "educate" me by posting "righteous" comments on my status updates. It accomplishes nothing. A sarcastic "like" would probably do the trick. Then you wouldn't have to deal with me replying to your comment.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Malapit na."

Quote from: 2010's "In Denial Ka Lang Ata" awardee, when asked the question "Kayo pa rin ba?"

I say: This is after we learn that the awardee is still blocked in person's friends list in FB. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Di kita lolokohin, (insert name of girl here)"

Quote from: a guy with a notable history of dating 3 girls at the same time in one day.

I say: This was meant to be a joke to the girl, really, but it was hilarious when he said it as if he could even pretend he could do it.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Di ka lolokohin nyan, ipupusta ko pa lahat ng law books ko."

Quote from: Aforementioned guy, hard-selling boyfriend to girlfriend as if girlfriend needed the assurance. This tops all his praises for boyfriend that night because...

I say: ...boyfriend had a fling just a couple of months or so after. They have since reconciled and are happily together. But yes, guy still owes girlfriend law books.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ehh, Romantic eh."

Quote from: Visiting female friend's comment on: "Bawas na tayo, mei nagpakasal na."

I say: He truly is. No one just bothers to notice. He doesn't act like one in front of friends but it seems he really is. It's just funny to be spoken of that way.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ano yan, class A? Amoy palengke eh."

Quote from: 2010 On and Off Girlfriend of the Year awardee, upon being given an authentic Nine West bag by reconciling BF.

I say: It's either a.)she's hiding her glee, b.) she doesn't really know what an authentic bag smells like, c.) she's just being a bitch about it for reasons only she would understand. Either way I don't know who to smack; her of the non-gratitude, or him who decided to give such a gift to his not-yet-girlfriend.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hindi naman nawawala yan eh..."

Quote from: Boy Torpe in answering the question "...eh mahal mo pa ba?"

I say: Classic one liners from boy one-liner. If he could earn points by saying stuff, he'd be way ahead of all competition. But unless he acts, everything is just theory.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Pwedeng walang magtatag ng pictures?"

Quote from: 2010 "Wala Naman Akong Tinatago" awardee, every time a friendly gathering happens at night. 

I say: Awardee texts that he's bored and would just sleep in dorm, so tagged pictures are a no-no should there be pictures of the event. It sometimes becomes difficult to distinguish what actually happened and what supposedly didn't if time comes that everyone is in the gathering.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ikaw, dating madungis, ngayon naglilinis... Yung isa, madungis talaga... Yung isa naman, sa ichura nun, nagmamalinis pa... Ako, dati pang malinis... pwede bang... padungis?"

Quote from: an argument on cheating. 

I say: Everybody had too much fun with this quote that I had to include it. I leave no names or clues. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Di naman si (insert kid's name here) ang iniwan ko eh, ikaw."

Quote from: in response to the question on what happens to the couple's kid.

I say: In what seems to be said in a matter-of-fact tone, this is just a harsh way of putting a nail in the coffin. It may be true, but considering what guy did, that was just a wrong way of saying it. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Kaya kong tumanggi sa tukso, pero pinili kong hindi"

Quote from: guy justifying having a third party.

I say: This has got to top the list. It's like that joke that if you go home so late and you know you're going to get it from you parents, the first thing you say when you get home is "eh bakit ngayon lang ako? Late nanaman ako? Mei pasok pa bukas puro ako inom? Di na ko nagbago? Grabe na talaga ko! Magkukulong na ko sa kwarto!". It's justifying a wrong act with rational-sounding irrationality. This particular line is said in such a way that he shows that he has principle as he recognized the "right" act, at the same time, it shows his being a rational, free being, as he acted "by his own free will". What it doesn't show is what he thinks of his wife, what he thinks his wife would feel, and what wife actually felt. Personally, I'd snap. 

====================================================================

I leave no names in order to somehow protect the identity of those who said it. Tamaan ang tatamaan. I hope to accomplish nothing with this blog other than entertain my readers with quotes I gathered through 2010. There are probably many others, I'll add it if it pops up in my head again. If we have a common friend and you think I missed something that he/she said, you're welcome to add it in the comments section.

I say nothing of these friends of mine who were quoted to say these words, I don't hope to change them with what I said about their words. They're old enough to know what they said and why they said it, 

Again, I wrote for the sake of writing and entertainment. If you can't deal with that and are too affected with what has been said, well, I can't do anything about that. Besides, if you know you're one of the people mentioned, you probably know the kind of person that I am, and that I'm just being me. 

...Random Rants...

I haven't been able to write for some time, so I write another lengthy blog (which I always do anyway) about nothing in particular. Read on, sad, bored reader who has nothing else to read on the net and nothing better to do. I appreciate you taking some precious time off your idle time to try to read my blog. =) 

====================================================================

So I've been here for more than a month now. So far, I haven't sold anything. A sales rep that can't sell.

Sheesh.

Not even 6months, and I'm already turning my alarm off at 6am, only to start moving to go to work at 6:30. I don't have that perkiness and excitement of getting up for a brand new day for my brand new work.

I got myself to make an excel file of all my customers. It helps to let me see how many people I've been bugging. It doesn't to see that of those people that I've bugged, I am nowhere near a sale. Those that I haven't yet, don't want to be bugged.

As a guy who hates sales people bugging me about what they sell, I want to try to not be as irritating as I find them sales people. I try to call on intervals of at least a week so as not to be so pesky, but consistent enough to be remembered.

I told Che that I am not going to book any flights as long as I haven't sold anything yet. That's a pretty tall order, really. And it doesn't look like we're going to be booking something somewhere anytime soon. 

Consider the stages I have to go through in order to sell something:

First, I must find the person who would talk to me about projects. That's difficult, especially if they're total strangers.

Second, the fragrances that I sell must be liked by those who are in charge, which isn't always that person who I got to talk to about projects. 

Third, the oils must be stable if mixed with their chemicals on whatever product they're applying it to. 

Fourth, if everything goes well and I reach this stage, they're going to test it on consumers, to see the potential.

After all those, we have to agree on a price. THEN I have a sale. Those stuff don't happen in a week or a month. They happen in at least 2 months. At the fucking least. 

I'm a bit worried and feeling unaccomplished, really. But not so worried for me to quit. I'll soldier on, hoping to reach my targets next year if I don't sell anything this year. I'm slowly gaining the confidence of talking to people through phone again. A little more time, and I'll probably stop stuttering.

And probably get my call-center pace back. Then the swagger comes. Argh. I wish I can live up to my salary soon.

===================================================================

As much as I think I'm well-balanced as a person, There are times when I feel I'm going to snap. I always step in the middle of a parental dispute (if no such term exists, I'll copyright that) to mediate. Always. But there are times that I feel I can't do anything about it. Sure, I'll be able to pacify the both of them, but only until a certain time.

There's a side of me that tells me that I'm not unaffected by all those screaming and cursing. I'm not fragile by any means, but sometimes, I wish I were so that I'd break, and they'd think about me rather than think about those not here.

===================================================================

Everybody's raving about the half-billion Lotto jackpot. Everybody's thinking of how to spend the money even though they haven't won yet. 

I am admittedly one of them. I'm not so desperate that I'd line up. I only bet if fate calls me (read: pag walang pila). 

Hopefully, this administration will not do what the past administration did to those big jackpot prizes (say that there are 8 people who got the numbers. C'mon. Weeks and weeks that no one won, and then this one week where 8 people shared the same numbers? Come on.), where only one person always won *ehem* FG *ehem*. 

====================================================================

Speaking of this administration, I'm sickened. I voted for change, for hope, for a symbol that personifies both. I believed. And then all these. 

The communications group was a good idea that performs better as an idea than an actual office. 

The hostage crisis where for a few hours, our president was some dude named Isko Moreno. 

Handpicked Secretary for I don't even care anymore, Dinky Soliman asked for some hundred billion Pesos to give out 500 pesos in cash directly to the poor Filipino people. And the freakin motion was approved. How the hell are our poor Filipino compatriots, useless as they may be? Did their lifestyle improve? 

 

I do not regret voting him as the president, because at the time I made my decision, he exuded the qualities I wanted in my president. I can't say we should be in better shape if another presidential aspirant won last May. No one can prove that. We can only speculate.

Manny Villar is a wise man. He admitted defeat despite his massive spending to save face. Now, some people might actually think that he could've done a better job as president had he won. His ideas remain concepts, and not actual, concrete actions, so they remain as good ideas that could probably save the country if they were actualized. 

Same goes for Gibo. I do not doubt his capacity, but I do not trust his judgement in political alliances. 

===================================================================

Some words I find difficult to spell without the constant help of spell check:

friend, bureau, league, believe. 

Yes, I apparently have a problem with "ie/ei". =|

...Of Old People and the Great Singapore Exodus

My grandmothers are more than 80 years old. My grandfathers died in the early 90's and I regretfully wasn't able to know them too well. As years go by, they grow older and weaker, and at times, I wonder if I want to grow that old to do what they do.

On the Lozada side of things, my Lola's favorite hobby is looking for people's faults. She'd call you, scold you for being worthless as a kid for about 30 minutes, then abruptly puts the phone down. She also has a habit of making you hear all her self-pitying. She'd ask you to bet on the lottery, pull out her wallet, look for change, and say that that's the money she uses to buy her medicines, which she'd rather spend on a lotto ticket because "her kids don't give her money anyway, so might as well sustain her life by trying to win big money to buy her own medicine". It gets worse. It's almost funny sometimes that there was one time my aunt actually called her bluff and let her ride a cab on her own.

On the Coo side of things, my Amah has a convenient room that my uncle built for her: cable TV, a nice comfort room right beside it, and an altar for my grandfather. Yet she maintains that her kids "threw" her there like it was some kind of trash bin or something. Every single time that you see her, she'd cry as if she's been convicted of some crime and then let go by the authorities. She spends her time calling my mom or whoever she can call, and then she reports stuff that no one really cares about or shouldn't care about (i.e. what time I got to the office, house help sleeping while there's no one at home) or playing solitaire. I find it difficult to talk to my Amah about stuff. I barely understand her (she speaks broken Tagalog, as she's a pure Chinese), and sometimes she asks too many questions.

Then I realized, what else do I want them to do at their age? Honestly, some of their friends are probably not with us anymore, so they can't hang out with friends. They're too weak to walk for long hours, so shopping's out. They spend time calling us up, asking for stuff we'd rather not share because we're too busy doing work or something, or if it's our rest day, de-stressing and wouldn't want to be stressed out by their rants. I don't know whether to pity them or get irritated by their constant calls.

It got me thinking, do I really want to grow THAT old? Staying longer on this Earth than any of my friends, being too weak for my family to take me places, and becoming overly interested in minding other people's business.

Then again, back then, our grandparents didn't have all these gaming consoles that I enjoy now as a kid. I know these may probably go obsolete real fast (I remember the time when that handheld Sega console was the most advanced console I've ever come across), but really, would these consoles change so drastically in the future that I won't enjoy it by myself? Maybe, just maybe, I'd grow old to be a cool lolo my kids and grandkids won't have to worry about, and just leave home alone; I just need a kick-ass TV and a nice console, and play my "classic" sports games. =)

=========================================================================

Everyone's leaving for Singapore. It's the new land of opportunity for us Filipinos, less the distance of half a world. It's difficult to make it big here in the Philippines. But working abroad can help one save up faster than any Filipino working locally can.

My sister's already in Singapore, a close friend decided to try her luck, and a few others are planning, if not already booked, for their own exodus. It saddens me to know that they wouldn't be just a single text message away from me, but I understand that they're just grabbing an opportunity to build a better future for themselves.

As for me, it never crossed my mind. I took up Computers as a major elective in Don Bosco, but decided against pursuing related courses in college because I know that I must go abroad to earn money in that field. I decided to take up Philosophy, because I really wanted to pursue Law, to become a politician, and try to make the Philippines a better place, so that people wouldn't want to bolt out the first chance that they get. Then I became disenchanted with all the politics in the country. I figured, I have to work within the system to beat it. But in the process, I become something that I loathe. So I stopped studying after my undergraduate Philosophy degree.

Obviously, it was difficult to find good work with my major being shrugged off by HR people. I got into a call center job with a GY schedule, an online English tutor for Koreans, and landed a pseudo-marketing gig at a multinational company with the help of my uncle. For the longest time, though, it felt as if my life would be stuck in mediocrity (the marketing gig didn't end up with a permanent post, what with regional direction and stuff). I couldn't find work I'd like to do or would accept me for what I took up, until finally, I decided to suck up whatever hesitation I may have working for a relative, and accepted my uncle's offer to work as a sales executive for his company.

It's my second week on the job. They're still pacing me, before being directly thrown into the fire. I'm still excited. I want to do this. It sucks that it's a 6-day work week and at 8am to 5pm at that, but somehow, I want to succeed in this job so bad to prove to people that I can. That staying here was a good idea, that leaving the country and being away with family and friends is the only way to go and earn good money.

(I'll edit when I have time.=P)

...Only in the Philippines...

By blood, I'm probably more Chinese than I am Filipino. However, being born and raised here, I've been injected with so much of Filipino culture that you wouldn't even think that I had a hint of Chinese in me. 

That said, I noticed how amusing Filipinos can be. We have a thing for stating the obvious that Vice Ganda even had a whole routine about stupid questions. Nobody wants to admit inferiority in any way, but given everyday situations, it's difficult to deny that we have an in-bred nerve in us Filipinos to state an obvious fact.

Aalis ka na?

This is a classic question a host asks after you say "Uy, mauna na kami ah?". I mean, really. 9/10 times. You can't say goodbye to a host without having that "confirmation question". You're probably even guilty. I know I am.

Panu kaya nangyari yun?

You hear this question mostly from people you're with when you arrive in the middle of something. They're probably just thinking aloud, but somehow, whenever I hear questions like these, I understand why at this day and age, Madam Auring still has a career in fortune telling. On one hand, we can say that Filipinos are just naturally opinionated. In our own words: natural tayong mga chismoso't chismosa.

Nakauwi ka na pala?

I don't know if you get this often, but my girlfriend does, and I've actually witnessed it. Upon arriving home and greeting her parents, this is their greeting to her. Makes me wanna be in her shoes and just say "hinde, apparisyon lang ang nakikita mo sa harapan mo ngayon.. awoooooo..."

Grabe, ang lakas ng ulan!

Situation: dark skies, heavy downpour. Then one genius declares "grabe, ang lakas ng ulan!". So if you got dibs on noticing the weather, does that make the other people so detached from their surroundings that they didn't even notice the heavy downpour before you did?

Pwedeng hiramin/humingi?

You get asked this question at the moment right before person who asked puts food in his/her mouth (in case of "hingi", food) or the moment person grabs that thing he/she wants to borrow. These people have impeccable timing in asking this question, as they ask it in such a way that you can't do anything about it when you turn your attention to them.


On a lighter, probably positive note, we also have the "Gusto mo?" question.

"Hiya" is so deeply planted in our attitudes that when offered food, we don't immediately sink our faces to it, and instead, shrug, smile, and say "thanks!" before grabbing some, despite being hungry. We don't go for seconds even though we can go on and eat a couple of servings more.

As a host, though, you have a hard time offering people stuff you prepared for them because all these people are too shy to enjoy the hard work you did for them.

 ========================================================================

Talk about rusty. I need to write more again.=| 

...Moving on with Blogspot...

So my Tumblr experiment failed, and now, I'm gonna try my luck with blogspot. Tried to weigh between Blogspot and Wordpress. Checked out my man Angel's new site (http://kilikilishot.blogspot.com/) and tried the Blogspot thing. As it turns out, I can link my Gmail account with a Blogspot account, so Blogspot won me over a bit. For the convenience.

And now I see those little MS Word-like tools (Bold, Italic, Underline, etc) for fonts so, plus points right there. Will make my first  Blogpost a little later.

Right now, I gotta get people to read my blogs here.=P

...On Weddings and Receptions...

Let me first get it out of the way: I am not yet getting married. This blog is not about the struggle of a person who's in a relationship thinking ahead and settling down. Far from it.

Last Sunday, my mom dragged me to her officemate's wedding reception in Century Park Hotel. It was held at a huge ballroom, filled with Chinese people wearing fancy clothes, hosted by a Chinese-speaking guy who looked like Anthony Taberna, and given ambiance by karaoke songs sung in Chinese.

The people I knew in that party were a grand total of 8, my parents included. I didn't even know the newly-weds.

Now, I may not be getting married anytime soon, but I do want to lay out my wedding reception plan for all to see, so that you may get some tips to make this once in a lifetime (hopefully) event memorable.

Yes, I'm looking at you, Kali, Christian, and Imon (in no particular order). 

====================================================================

1. Not too fancy of a place

While it is nice to see people dress up for an event, I feel the pain of people who struggle to try and act unnaturally because of what they wear. Not everyone likes to dress up, but if an event calls for it, they have to. And because they have to, men with female partners have to endure a whole event of their female counterparts constantly just asking them "do I look ok?"

Women, really, you do. It's all about your confidence in what you wear. Forget if you think that other girl can or can't pull off what she's wearing, the important thing is she wears it with confidence.

But for the sake of girls who are too conscious and guys who have to constantly pull up their girl's confidence in parties like these, I'd rather have a reception in a chill-out place, where ties are loose, and women can wear flat shoes. I don't want it too dark or too loud, so bars are out. But to some extent, a place like Moomba appeals to me. If I close out the whole place, I think that'd be a nice enough place. Not too fancy, but classy in a sense. It's not too dark, and it can have nice music playing in the background, and because it is a bar, people can chill out. Oh, and they have nice sofas. 

Hopefully, they have a nice parking area by the time I plan to get married. 

===================================================================

2. Inviting the right people

I went to a wedding without even knowing any significant person in the newly-weds' lives. And when they were taking pictures of everyone, there I was, standing next to the bride who doesn't even know me.

I want a wedding where I actually know the people who came. I don't want some stranger ruining my pictures. If friends of about my age decided to bring their babies, it's ok. But if they decide to bring their parents, that'd be weird. Except if I know their parents personally. And there's only a select few who I think would actually care.

I don't want a bunch of freeloaders in my reception. My wedding reception would be a "thank you" for people who have been part of our lives, and became witnesses to another step we're taking. 

It's not just a freakin free dinner.

====================================================================

3. Guests will not be starved and bored to death

Of course, I wouldn't be able to see my wife wear her wedding gown before the wedding, so there's bound to be a pictorial after wedding vows have been exchanged. But in the process, those who attended the wedding would have to wait for about an hour or so before food is served.

Hence, I propose that my reception place serve nachos and other appetizers and not just nuts. Hopefully, I can get a couple of stand-up comedians to do a show while waiting for us to arrive. Alcoholic beverages could be available for those who look for it, but it will be limited to a couple of beers and sissy cocktails while we're not there yet.

The fun can start without us. The whole comedic performance can be caught on video, and we can enjoy watching it on our honeymoon trip.

The main course would not be too heavy. Probably one dish each of fish, pork, beef, and veggies, then a chocolate fountain and fruits for dessert.

People in my reception should be there for the event, not for the food.

====================================================================

4. My host is someone familiar with and to my guests

I don't want to hire a professional host. No matter how fun that person may be, I don't want some person faking chemistry with the audience. I want someone who really knows me, and hopefully, would take time off to try to know some of the other people I'd invite.

No, I'm not doing this to save on costs. I'd pay my friend whatever that host would probably make. I just want my host to actually understand why people are teasing this person or that, and people don't have to explain why. 

====================================================================

5. Participants will participate.

I hate when the host/s call out people on a list for games, and these people don't stand up because they're too conscious or shy. Time is being wasted for every moment that the host/s call out your name or drag you to where the game is. The night is not about you, you know.

To make the games interesting, I'd throw in a couple of prizes, so that they won't feel they're being tortured for the sake of fun. 

====================================================================

6. My Best Man will be the best.

Some weddings I've been to, the best men's speeches were either lame, bland, or bad(Rey's speech for Benjo was bordering on the three). It's not with the lack of experience, heck, how many times will you be a best man for somebody?

Hopefully my best man would actually say something sensible, probably a bit funny, but definitely memorable, and show my guests why he is my best man.

And hopefully, he won't claim to have had "dibs" on my wife first.

====================================================================

...When Status Messages and Tweets Become Too Short...

My Twitter account is about a week old or so, and as of this writing, I already have 133 tweets, while those who actually sold me the idea of having a Twitter account (Issa, Che, and Shara. No, Imon, you're just a spammer. Gilbert Arenas' drive to 1million followers was more of an influence than you. You made me hate Twitter with all your spam messages.) don't have as much tweets, considering they've been tweeting longer.

I want to speak my mind out. That's why my Multiply site is filled with long, wordy blogs. And while uneventful days can't even provide a status message for the day, there are moments like this when I want to say so many things, but can't fit them all in a 220-character status or 140-character tweet unless I spam.

So anyway, random ramblings start here:

====================================================================

New Work, New Beginning

My current contract ends on September 30. And I know that I've been ranting about my job here in my blogs for the past 2 years or so, but this time, it's actually happening. My uncle (mom's brother) is taking me in as a sales associate in his company. To some extent, it sucks, because I have to get used to 6-day work weeks and I wouldn't be able to feel that "corporate environment" where there's backstabbing, cliques, politics, and all those stuff you could have trying to work harmoniously with different types of people. I have to grow old fast working for my uncle, because I can't be that "young kid" who sells stuff to them. I need to be an equal, a credible individual who they will ask help from if the need arises.

But those things considered, I'm pretty excited working there. For one, an actual business card with my name and info on it is being printed already. That is a significant step for me. For the longest time, I've been somewhat of a ghost employee here: not low enough to be at par with the cleaners, but not as high ranking as account managers, and though part of the company, can't actually represent the company in any capacity. As a third-party employee, that's the feeling that I got.

Now, I'm going to have my own business card to trade with associates. I'll have full responsibility of some stuff, which I can't blame on others.I may kick myself someday for saying this but, at this point in time, I actually like that, because it's on me. If stuff don't happen, it's my fault. If they do, I did it. Right now, in this office, if stuff don't happen, it's not entirely my fault. There are times that I get blamed, but I could always say (which is the case most of the time) that I did my part, and what happens after that is out of my hands.

I still don't know if I can REALLY handle the job, but I think I can. I know I can. And right now, that's what matters.  All that's left is to hope and wish and pray that everything turns out well.

==================================================================

Insanity and the Forbidden Fruit

While driving last night, I had an urge to shout. As in, just shout. Then just run around and curse people and not care about anything. I don't know why. For a brief moment there, I felt like I was battling my sanity. I don't know how I won, but I didn't even know what sparked that battle. So maybe I'm still in that war. Maybe, someday, I might snap for reasons I'll never know. Then I'll be able to understand what goes through the minds of people we call "crazy". 

For some reason, as I walked around Glorietta, I felt like I ate the forbidden fruit or something. In the story of Adam and Eve, they were ashamed because they realized they were naked after they ate the forbidden fruit, and so they hid. I, on the other hand, didn't eat anything. But as soon as I got off the car, I felt uneasy, not wanting to be in my body, suddenly anxious about what people are thinking when they glance at me for a millisecond. I was mindful of how I walked, how my shirt was worn, how I bobbed my head to the beat of the songs in my mp3, and generally, just how I looked.

What's weird is that those were unprovoked incidents. Hopefully, both were isolated cases that just happened on the same night. 

===================================================================

Of Passion and Writing

I'm still thinking of putting up that blogspot or wordpress site. I'm thinking, I do want to have readers, I do want people to read my blogs (Barney from HIMYM comes to mind), but there are times when I have brain farts like these where nothing good really comes out.

I write to for the sake of writing. I write to express whatever thoughts want to come out of my head, and express them with no interruptions. I'm thinking, if my blogs are actually interesting, people will read from this site, and I wouldn't need to be in blogspot or wordpress. But that's just me. 

Like signing up for Twitter, I might eventually go the wordpress route.

====================================================================

Go USTe!!

A couple of weeks ago, my mom woke me up to tell me that the whole house is going to be re-painted. She asked what color I'd like my room to be in and suggested the blue paint in the attic. Though still droopy, I managed to whine: "ayaw ko nun. Kalaban yun." 

Yes, even in my sleep, I hate Ateneo. Not generalizing, but school spirit-wise, I see them as my villain. They beat my UE team of Paul Artadi, James Yap, Ronald Tubid, Arnold Booker, and Philip Butel, among others, twice to advance to the finals of that year (and claim the title via good teamwork, and Cool Cat's sellout). They stood in our way in the 2006 basketball finals. And as a La Sallian-poser (I've grown to love the school, what with how they've taken care of Uncle Jun, how passionate my Uncle Hero is for them [not to mention the free tickets I've got from him, La Salle side, so I had to wear green], and how I saw them as nicer dudes than their blue counterparts), I tried to learn the La Sallian cheers just so I can scream my heart out against Ateneo. Of course, there are exceptions in my hate for anything blue, basketball-wise: I am a fan of LA Tenorio and Larry Fonacier, two guys I really felt happy for as they won their first PBA championship. Larry, especially, knowing he had to come back from a career-threatening injury, and work his way up to be drafted and actually have playing time in the PBA.

Oh, and to elevate further my disdain for the blue ones, Ricky Palou, their sports director or something, was the pushover who backed out at the last minute of what should've been a fund raiser in Araneta that we organized. I still have those tickets with me. 

Anyway, back to my room. I failed to convince my parents that my ceiling should be black. I failed to persuade the painters to paint my cabinets black. But I'm happy with how yellow my room is now. It looks like a cartoon. I'm excited to arrange it to my liking, and take a picture of it. 

And once I get me my free time, I WILL paint black accents in that room.

...On Being Meant to be Something...

(At the gates of Heaven)

St. Peter: All right, alright people, settle down. I can't let you all enter the gates of Heaven.

Person 1: I was a devout Christian!

Person 2: What about me? I followed all the tenets of Buddhism!

Person 3: I lived the teachings of Islam!

St. Peter: Because those who got it right were...........the Mormons. Yes. Mormons.

All: Aw...

(From a Southpark episode)

It probably is a stupid, profane, and poorly-animated cartoon series, but this scene captures an idea that some people (me included) can't get over with: what happens after you die? We all have different beliefs, and it bothers the shit out of me not knowing what happens after my body stops working.

But that's probably too serious of a topic. I could rant on and on about it. It's my greatest fear; death, or basically, the unknown. 

In a different perspective, I was thinking of what if we were made to be something but didn't turn out to be what we're supposed to be? It's just a thought. What if we're all made to be something, but we're all just victims of circumstances that we were born into. Haven't you wondered why you could do stuff some people can't normally do but is so natural to you?

Who knows? Maybe that spoiled brat of a rich couple is actually supposed to be a poor, lazy-assed bum, but since brat was born with a silver spoon in his mouth, brat enjoyed an easy life, and never got convicted because parents always bailed him out.

I'm thinking, maybe I was supposed to be a super athlete. I adapt well to sports; I understand principles easily, and can play a pretty decent first game of something. Probably. I have tons of energy and I love the feeling of exhausting my body. But then I couldn't run a 5k fun run without dying. Such is what happened since I was a shy kid back in grade school, a bit of a nerd in high school, and a politician-wannabe in college. I never had time to cultivate my supposedly incredible physical gifts. And now I'm a chubby guy whose only regular thing going is looking for nice places to eat. And find the best burger around. 

Or maybe I'm supposed to be a navigator. I am bad at names of places, but throw me somewhere and I'll figure out a way to go home. No, I am not considering myself to have been a dog in my past life. I love travelling and I am comfortable walking or driving around to discover places or routes. 

Maybe I was supposed to be a rapper. I have a fast mouth that sometimes I can't even keep up with myself. Not to mention shout out profanity to just about anyone and actually make it entertaining rather than insulting. However, I was not blessed with creativity and wit to cook up rhyming words at the end of each line. 

But alas, here I am, a twenty-something still looking for identity in the real world, thinking he can make it without leaving the country. A frustrated writer who may be passionate but can't earn shit writing stuff. An opinionated voice in topics of sports and politics, and a drinking buddy who would probably pass out before everyone else is down. 

But still, I've said before that I am a gambler, and I deal with the hands I am dealt. I blame no one for what I turned out to be, and I don't see myself as a failure despite not turning out to be what I think I'm supposed to be.

After all, I'll never know 'till I cross to the other side, like all those non-Mormons in Southpark.

==================================================================

I shrink out of shame whenever I meet a new business associate who offers his/her business card and I can't offer mine. In other Asian countries, it is a courtesy to exchange name cards. I may be found to be rude if I can't give my own name card. I can make one, really, but I can't represent my company because I'm not directly hired.

So out of boredom and lack of self-respect, a friend and I talked about me having a Hallmark card as a business card. This way, people won't ever forget who gave them my card. Imagine yourself giving a business card to someone and you get something like this in return:

(Protected my personal info because this site is viewable by all.)

While I don't have a card yet, maybe I'll try to reproduce this piece of crap.

...The JDB Principle: Otil Dipal's Female Counterpart...

Minsan, ang aking butihing kaibigan ay inilahad ang prinsipyo ni Otil Dipal (http://imonolgado.multiply.com/journal/item/177), para sa mga kalalakihang nais nang wakasan ang buhay dahil sa kawalang pag-asa sa pag-ibig. Sa prinsipyong ito, ipinakita nyang hindi pa katapusan ng mundo kung pangit ka o torpe. Isang matinding paniniwala lamang sa prinsipyong ito at pagsasabuhay rito, ay siguradong tutuwid ang love life mo.

Ilang taon na rin ang nakalipas, at napag-usapang muli ang prinsipyong ito. Napagtanto namin, sa diwa ng pagkapantay-pantay, na di lang dapat ang lalaki ang may prinsipyong nagpapalakas ng loob ng mga tila sawi sa pag-ibig. Dahil dito, nagawa naming humantong sa prinsipyong JDB (Janice De Belen), na ang pangunahing prinsipyo ay:

Daig ng Malandi ang Maganda.

Tulad ng Otil Dipal Principle, alam nating may alas talaga ang mga gwapo sa mga pangit, ngunit talo ng madiskarte ang gwapo (Olgado, 2008). Sa prinsipyong JDB, tiklop naman ang magaganda sa mga malalandi, dahil, oo nga naman, aanhin pa naman ang ganda kung di ka naman papatol sa nais mong maka-"hook-up".

Bibigyan katwiran ko lamang ang paggamit sa kanya bilang halimbawa katapat ni ginoong Lito Lapid: habang nakikita naming baduy si Lito Lapid at ang porma nyang Leon Guerrero, pag binasa at isinapuso mo ang Otil Dipal principle, makikitang hindi lamang sa hitsura nagiging matagumpay sa larangan ng pag-ibig. Si Janice De Belen, bilang ang babae sa larawan sa baba, ay isang nilalang na hindi siguro nanaisin ng mga babaeng maging sila. Ngunit, kung tutuusin, marahil pinangarap ng mga babae na maging nasa posisyon sana ni Janice De Belen, o JDB: kabilang sa mga kasintahan nya ay sina Aga Mulach, John Estrada, at Gabby Concepcion. Pakitaan mo ko ng babaeng mayroong ganyang listahan, at ako'y luluhod sa kanyang harapan. 

Alinsunod muli sa Otil Dipal principle, gumawa rin ako ng mga prinsipyong gumagabay sa pangunahing prinsipyong JDB:

1. Ok lang mauna. Modernong panahon na.

Noong panahon ni Kopong-kopong, hindi dapat si babae ang lumapit kay lalaki, sapagkat hindi ito kaaya-ayang tingnan. Ngunit sa panahon ngayon, alaws na si Maria Clara kay Girlieing Malandi. Nabubulok na sa kakaantay si Maria Clara, samantalang si Girlie ay natikman na lahat ng lalaking nais pumorma kay Maria. Sa modernong panahon, kailangang ikaw na ang kumilos, dahil mabilis maubos ang kalalakihan sa mundo: kung wala silang syota, ang mga matitino ay posibleng bading o torpe. Wala kang aasahang kinabukasan sa lalaking lalapit sa iyo at magbibitaw ng pick-up line. 

2. Ang kagandahan ay panglabas na anyo lamang. 

Ang totoong kagandahan ay nasa loob. Kung pangit ka talaga, wala kang karapatang maging maldita. Kapal naman ng mukha mo. Dapat pumili ka lang sa pagiging one-of-the-boys o yung pang-tropa, dahil di ka naman magiging pa-next. May isa sa mga yan na magiging sawing-sawi sa buhay nya na posible mong makatuluyan dahil makikita nyang nariyan ka parati sa panahon ng kanyang pangangailangan, at siyang makakakita ng totoong kagandahan mo. Kung masyado mo namang pinapansin ang panlabas na kaanyuhan mo, concealer lang ang katapat nyan. Pero, payong kaibigan, magpakatotoo ka na lang. Utang na loob. Wag mong lokohin si Boyet at ang sarili mo sa pamamagitan ng paglagay ng napakaraming concealer sa mukha mo. 

3. Confidence, and lots of it.

Sa totoo lang, bilang lalaki, kahit may kasama kang kasintahan; ilang beses ba na may dumaang naka shorts o naka-plunging ang hindi mo tiningnan? Hindi lahat ng naka-malanding kasuotan ay "pwede". 8/10 na beses, olats ang nakasuot nito. Ngunit, sa mga nagsuot nito, matagumpay nilang nakamit ang nais nila: ang mapansin ng kalalakihan. Pangit man o maganda, ang pagsusuot ng malanding kasuotan ay siguradong makakapagpalingon ng kalalakihan. Kung di panatag ang iyong kalooban na magsuot ng malanding kasuotan, isipin mo na lang, may mas mababa pang kartada sa iyo na kayang magsuot ng mga kasuotang ito, at sila ang umaagaw ng atensyong dapat ay sa iyo na lamang. 

4. The Power of the V.

Medyo di pambata ang puntong ito, pero sige: Ito'y isang kapangyarihang paulit-ulit na binabanggit sa palatuntunan ni Mo Twister sa umaga sa Magic 899. May alas ang mga babae sa mga lalaki: ang kanila mismong pagkababae. Kung ipagkait ni Boyet ang kanyang pagkalalaki kay Girlie, ok lang kay Girlie. Pero kung si Girlie ang nagdamot, warat si Boyet. At pag pinagbigyan ni Girlie si Boyet, mapapa-oo nya si Boyet sa kahit na anong gusto nya. Ito'y isang kapangyarihang magagamit lamang sa advanced stages ng relasyon, at kapag naintindihan ni Girlie ang kapangyarihang kanyang taglay, maiintindihan nating lahat kung bakit napakaraming mamahaling sapatos ni Imelda Marcos. 

5. Wag kang choosy kung di ka naman yummy.

Ito marahil ang prinsipyong humuhubog ng husto sa prinsipyong JDB. Kadalasan, mapili si Girlie sa kanyang makaka-relasyong lalaki. Kailangan kasi, perpekto ang lalaking pagbibigyan nya ng kanyang lahat. Ngunit sa praktikal na mundo, ang mga matitinong (tunay na) lalaki na wala pang ka-relasyon ay kasing onti na lamang ng Philippine Eagle. Ang resulta nito, ay mga kababaihang tumatandang dalaga kakaantay kay Mr. Right na hindi naman dumating, samantalang sila Mr. Left, Mr. Wrong, Mr. Pwede, at kung sino sino pa ay nakahanap na ng ibang Girlie dahil napagod nang kakaantay sa mapiling Girlie. At huwag mong isiping yummy ka na malas lang talaga sa pag-ibig, dahil kung talagang yummy ka, hindi ka single. 

===================================================================

Ito'y mga prinsipyong hinubog lamang ng isang walang kwentang usapan ng lokohan, at napa-laganap lamang ng malikot at pakialamerong kaisipan ng isang hamak na nilalang. Kung may nakaligtaan man ako ay huwag mag-atubiling dagdagan ang mga nasabing prinsipyo, o di kaya'y tumaliwas sa mga kaisipang nailahad.

...On Language...

This is a blog I've been wanting to write last week, but never had the chance to. Since then, a couple of newsworthy events transpired that got the world to notice the Philippines; the hostage-taking of tourists, and Venus Raj's Miss Universe run. The former, I no longer wish to speak of, as it speaks for itself, and the blogosphere has been bombarded by different hate-posts about the absurdity of how it was handled.

It was a disgrace for our country, inexplicable, and must be addressed. Period. Now, we move on.

=====================================================================

The Miss Universe Pageant was a great diversion to our countrymen who were still shocked with what transpired in Quirino. Add the fact that our country's candidate, Venus Raj, made it through the first cut at 15, then at 10, and finally, to 5. 

And then, she bombed in a major, major way.

As it seems, she didn't have any "big" mistake in her 22 years of existence. At least now, she could say something if asked the question again.

But to her credit, she was the only candidate to answer without the aid of an interpreter. Does it show us as "intellectuals", being able to speak a foreign language ably?

====================================================================

Ngayon, susulat ako sa wikang Pilipino, na una kong plano bago ko naisulat ang naisulat ko na (nakalimutan ko eto nga pala gusto ko isulat. Kaso sayang naman yung nauna ko nang nasabi kung isasalin ko pa.)

Sa pakikinig ko sa programa ni Mo Twister sa radyo, naiinis ako minsan sapagkat nakakarinig ako ng mga tumatawag na nagpupumilit mag-Ingles, na hindi naman nila kaya. Sa Facebook, marami din naman ang nagsusulat ng mga maiikling kataga sa wikang Ingles na minsa'y di ko talaga mapigilang i-tama. At kahapon lang, ang tila di-mapigilang panalo ng pambato nating si Venus Raj ay napigilan lamang nang siya'y sumagot.

Masasabi ba natin na bobo ang mga Hapon dahil hindi sila marunong mag-Ingles? Masasabi ba natin na di karapat-dapat si Ms. Mexico manalo kahapon dahil gumamit siya ng tagapag-salin (interpreter)? 

Ito marahil ang isang malaking problema ng ating bansa, ang kakulangan ng pagmamahal sa sariling wika. Ipinapakita natin na kaya nating magsalita ng wikang banyaga, para ano? Para ipakita na kaya nating magpa-alipin sa kanila kung dumating ang pagkakataong magkatrabaho sa kanilang bansa? Bakit kinaya ng mga Hapon na itaguyod ang kanilang ekonomiya sa kabila ng di nila pagiging bihasa sa pagsalita ng wikang Ingles?

Sa isang banda, ang "Jejemon" o "Bekimon" na burat na burat na kong marinig ay binibigyan ng atensyon ng media. Nagiging katatawanan man ito, ito nama'y binibigyan pansin at sa isang punto, nakakita pa ko ng isang eksperto ng lenguahe na hinihingan nila ng opinyon ukol dito. Nabanggit nya na di ito nalayo sa "Ghetto language" ng mga itim sa Amerika; isang ebolusyon ng wika. Kung bibigyang konsiderasyon ang puntong ito, dapat pala'y hindi pinagtatawanan ang mga ito; sa halip ay dapat tanggapin ng bukas-palad sapagkat ito'y isang pagsisikap ng ilang tao na i-bagay sa modernong panahon ang wikang sarili.

Pero parang nakakadiri isipin, na patungo sa ganito ka-babang antas ang wika natin.

Ako, bilang ako, ay mahilig magsulat sa wikang Ingles. Ngunit kung kinakailangan, para sa ikabubuti ng wika, na magsulat sa wikang Pilipino, ay sisikapin ko. Hindi tayo probinsya ng Amerika para ipakita ang kakayahan nating mag-Ingles, tama man o mali. Hindi naman nabawasan ang kagandahan ni Ms. Mexico nang ginamit nya ang sarili nyang wika para sagutin ang tanong nya. Hindi naman nabawasan ang kakayahan ni Lyoto Machida ng UFC nang mei nagsalin pa ng tanong at sagot nya. Hindi pagpapakita ng kahinaan o kakulangan ang hindi pagsalita ng wikang Ingles pag tinanong sa isang kompetisyon. Mas nagiging katawa-tawa pa kung iba sa nais ipahiwatig ang siyang nasabi. Kahit si (Congressman) Manny Pacquiao ay minsan nang pinansin ng mga tagapag-ulat na mas pinagpapawisan pa sa panayam sa kanya kumpara sa laban nya mismo. At hindi ito natatago ng "you know?"

Gawin nating kaaya-aya ang wikang Pilipino, bigyang pansin ang paggamit nito ng mas madalas, at huwag nating hayaang tumuloy ang ebolusyon sa wikang "jejemon" o "bekimon" o kung anumang putanginang mon yan. 

At pwede ba? Tigilan na ang usapin ukol sa mga "mon" na yan. Habang binibigyan ng atensyon, ay lalo lang lalaganap sa kabataan yan. Magsisimula bilang katatawanan, at di maglalao'y baka maging kultura pa. Tigilan na rin ang pagpapatugtog ng bwakananginang kantang yun sa mga estasyon ng radyo. Hindi na nakakatuwa.

Oo, tinatago ko sa pagiging makabayan ang pagkamuhi ko sa mga bagong klase ng mga salitang yan. Di na talaga ko natutuwa.

...Pangingialam ng Pakialamero: Mga Panlinlang...

"Walang basagan ng trip..." - Anonymous

Mahilig akong magsulat ukol sa kung ano anong bagay lang. Madalas, ito'y mga bagay na naglalaro laman sa isip ko. Pero may mga panahon na nakakasagasa ako ng ibang tao, kung kaya't naisipan kong tanggapin na lang na masama talaga akong tao, at nambabasag ng trip ng mga tao na hindi naman tama, ayon kay Anonymous. 

Ang minsang isang beses ko lang talaga sinulat, ay nadagdagan ko pa ng dalawang blog na nangingialam din sa trip ng ibang tao. Ngayon, eto nanaman.

Pasensya, pakialamero lang talaga.

================================================================

Mahilig akong pumuna ng mga tao. Naglalakad man o nagddrive, kumakain man o nakatanga, nakaugalian ko nang tumingin sa mga tao sa paligid ko. Minsan dahil baka kakilala ko, minsan naman para lang tumingin kung maganda. Para maging patas, sumisimple din naman ako ng tingin kung sa simulang tingin eh gwapo yung dumaan. O sadyang bading lang siya. 

May mga swak, may mga olats. Dahil mas maraming pagkakataon ang olats (kung ayaw mong makakita ng pangit, wag mo nang tingnan ulit. Tama nang nakita mo nung unang beses. Kung sa una akala mo maganda/gwapo, paniwalain mo na lang sarili mo na totoo yun, dahil 80% ng pagkakataon, hindi totoo yun pag nakita mo sa pangalawang tingin.), naisipan ko nanamang pakialaman ang mga nakalilinlang na katangian ng mga taong makasasalimuha natin. 

Maaari itong magsilbing gabay para sa mga mahilig rin tumingin sa tao, o di kaya'y sa mga taong nais itago ang kanilang kartada para kahit na 6 lang talaga eh maging 8 sa tingin ng iba.

=================================================================

Height/Complexion

Marahil wala na tayong magagawa kung maliit lang talaga tayo o di kaya'y maitim. Ito ay isang katangian na siguradong mapapatingin ulit ang tao sa inyo. Kahapon lang, habang nakaupo kami sa Starbucks, may isang lalaking napakatangkad na pumasok sa banko sa tabi namin. Kami ng 2 kausap ko, at ang 4 na guwardiya at 2 janitor sa labas ay napatingin sa kanya. Ang iba iniisip kung basketball player ba siya, ang ilan marahil namamangha lang sa tangkad nya. Dahil egoy siya, hindi na ko umaasa na pasok siya sa depinisyon ng "gwapo" para sa kin (Chris Tiu). Pero mapa-babae man o lalaki, sigurado, mapapatingin ang tao kun matangkad ka. 

Pareho din naman sa kaputian. Madalas sa mga babae, pag nakatayo ang tambay, ay mapapatango o di kaya'y susunod ng tingin sa iyo kung maputi ka. Bilang mga Pilipino na natural ang kayumangging kulay, madalas na "maganda" ang tingin natin sa maputi.

Wag Palilinlang: Di porke't matangkad o di kaya'y maputi, ibig sabihin maganda/gwapo na. Ingat lang. Baka sabihan ka nung maputing chic na "anung tinitingin tingin mo, brod?"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Body Fit Shirts (Men)

Palibhasa uso na gym ngayon, marami nang mga lalaki ang naka-body fit na shirt. Di mo naman maipagkakaila na ang mga may lakas loob na magsuot nito eh may karapatan naman; malaking braso, malaking dibdib, pantay o di kaya'y mas lubog ang tyan sa dibdib. 

Wag Palilinlang: Madalas, ang mga pangit ay talagang nagwo-work out na lang para lumaki ang katawan, at maibaling ang atensyon ng tumitingin sa kanyang katawan at hindi sa kanyang mukha. Di ko naman nilalahat. Pero tingin ko lang, kung gwapo naman yung tao, di na nya kailangang ipagkalandakan pa yung katawan nya.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Skirt/Shorts/Dress (Women, Semi-women)

The more skin exposed, the more attractive one seems. Surefire way na makakapag-merit ng second look ang shorts/dress/skirts (above the knee). Marahil dala ng testosterone, napapatingin ang mga lalaki sa mga nakasuot ng ganito. Ngunit di tulad ng body fit shirts ng mga lalaki, di lang ang may karapatan ang may lakas loob magsuot ng mga ito.

Wag Palilinlang: Kaninang umaga lang habang naglalakad ako sa El Pueblo papasok ng office ay nakakita ako ng nilalang na maputi, nakaputing dress, at nakaputing payong. Mahaba ng konti ang buhok. Unang tingin, mukhang pwede. Nang ginamit na ang aking kakayahan sa pag-obserba, napansin kong tila mataas ang hairline ng tao. Sa pangatlo, tila kuwadrado ang hubog ng mukha at pisngi. Di ko na sinubukan pang tingnan pa sa pang-apat na beses. Masyado nang malapit si kuya. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Backless

Mula sa argumento sa shorts/skirts/dress, marami ring balat ang nakikita sa isang tao pag suot ito.

Wag Palilinlang: Dalawa lang ang maaari mong maging reaksyon pag nakakita ka nito - "wow" o "yuck". Ang natural na makikitaan mo ng ganito dapat ay sa mga formal na handaan para mapa-wow ka. Kung nasa mall ka, wag ka nang umasang gaganahan ka pa kumain. 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aviator Shades

Eto classic. Usong uso ngayon ang mga aviator-type na shades. Sa isang banda, praktikal ito kasi talaga namang hindi ka masisilaw. Sa kabilang banda, tinatakpan nito ang kalahati ng mukha ng tao. Ito ang paboritong suot ng mga nais itago ang kanilang mukha. Sinisisi ko si Jessica Alfaro bilang may sala sa pagpapauso nito. 

Wag Palilinlang: Akala ko dati napakawalang kwenta ng maskara ni Robin at Green Hornet, na halos mata lang nila ang tinatakpan nila. Pero ang laking bagay pala nito. Madalas sa mga profile pic sa Facebook, akala mo napakaganda/napakagwapo nung tao na naka-shades, nakatingala dahil galing sa taas yung cameraphone nya na pinangkuha ng kanyang profile pic. Pero madalas,  ang akala mong kartada 8 dahil sa shades, eh kartada 4 lang pala sa tunay na lighting at pagtanggal ng shades.

====================================================================

May na-miss ba ko?=P 

... Morality, Fidelity, and Legality...

I'm usually the guy who'd treat my elders with respect. I'm a guy who wouldn't talk back out of respect for the older person.

But through the years, I've come to realize that "respect" is earned, and not a God-given right. There are older people that are old, but not respectable. In most cases, I treat my elders as I see fit. Nagmamano ako sa mga dapat pagmanuhan, sa mga taong dapat talagang nirerespeto, samantalang kaya kong makipagkamay o di kaya'y makipag-apir na lang sa mga taong magaan ang pakiramdam ko na tila kaibigan ko na lang sila. There are varying degrees to which I respect my elders.

Last night was one of those rare nights that I get all-righteous and gather up the courage to speak up against an elder.

Situation: My dad went to Tarlac yesterday to take my half-brother to the hospital. He didn't tell my mom, but he was tracked through his phone. When he came back, he said he came from their Sampaloc office. My mom didn't buy it. Eventually, he admitted that he went to Tarlac. Of course my mom went ballistic. 

Now, my problem is not that they fought. My problem is they're fighting because of the same reason they fought countless times already: My dad just wouldn't tell the truth. 

I understand his predicament. At times, you just never know what my mom is thinking. You do one thing or the other, and she's going to have something to say either way. But man, really? He never didn't at least try to tell my mom about it even if it was an emergency?

I heard my mom's piece. I wanted to hear my dad's, and try to figure out how my mom was overreacting. Turns out that it's all there is to it. It was an emergency, and he didn't bother to call my mom because his mind was focused on the kid there in Tarlac, and didn't want to hear any rants from my mom.

Stupid fuckin move. I mean, I could gather the strength to talk back, but if I gathered some more, I would have shouted.

Pa: Ayoko na kasing mei marinig pang kung ano ano, eh away nanaman yan pag sinabi ko sa kanya.

Me: Eh hindi mo sinabi, nag-away pa rin naman kayo di ba?

Pa: ...Sa totoo lang, isang beses na lang ako pumupunta dun sa isang buwan.

Me: Magkaliwanagan nga tayo; sa legal at moral na mundo, ni hindi ka nga dapat tumutungtong na dun eh. Magpasalamat ka pa kako at napapayagan ka pang pumunta dun kahit isang beses sa isang buwan.

Pa: Wag mo kong sasabihan na wala akong karapatan. Illegal man, mei moral akong obligasyon sa mga anak ko dun. 

Me: Eh di padalhan mo ng pera. Yun lang naman obligasyon mo dun di ba?

Pa: Hindi. Gusto kong lumaki yung mga batang yun na tama ang pag-iisip. 

Me: Ang akin lang, respeto na lang naman eh, sa taong pinakasalan mo sa simbahan, sa harap ng Diyos, at sa batas ng tao. 

Pa: Kaya nga nilimitahan ko na na isang beses sa isang buwan na lang ako pumunta dun eh. 

Me: Kasama ba tong pagpuslit mo sa isang beses? Ang punto ko lang, ilang beses na kayo nag-away tungkol dyan, bakit kasi hindi ka na lang magsabi ng totoo?

Pa: Wala naman akong tinatago sa kanya ah.

Me: Eh anong tawag mo sa nangyari ngayon lang?!

Pa: Inamin ko naman ah.

Me: Inamin mo nung pinaamin ka. Nung mei nangyari na!

Pa: Wala naman akong aaminin kung walang nangyayari eh.

Me: Eh putangina kaya kayo nag-aaway! Simula pa lang kasi, sabihin mo na. Sa tatlong oras AT LEAST na byahe mo papunta dun, di mo man lang naisip na tawagan xa? Isang tawag para sabihing papunta ka dun? Tapos patayin mo telepono mo. O? Anong problema dun? At least pag naghimutok si ma na pumunta ka nanaman dun, maitatanong ko na "nagsabi ba xa seio?" at kun nagsabi ka, eh di tapos. Mei bagong naganap. Hindi yung, tinago mo nanaman, nalaman nanaman nya. 

Pa: Basta ako, papapalitan ko na yang mga number na yan. Para wala nang problema. Bahala xa kung anong desisyon nya, basta ako ayoko nang makipagtalo. 

Seriously, I have nothing against those kids. But I am seriously pissed at my dad's flawed logic. For such a strong person, he's too cowardly to face these problems. 

Two things he taught me that he fails to exemplify:

"Kahit ano, pwede, basta kayang panindigan" (So what's with "ayoko na makipagtalo"?)

"May mga problemang pwede namang hindi maging problema" (So what's with keeping stuff from my mom?)

Ang pagpapasa-Diyos ng mga bagay ay hindi pag-asa sa kanya ng mga problema para xa na lang ang gumawa ng solusyon. Isang bulag na pananampalataya ang meron ka kung ito ang pinaniniwalaan mo. Galit ako dahil sa tuwing Linggo na pinipili kong hindi sumama sa pagsimba ay pinagsasabihan akong walang pananampalataya. Sinasabihan akong masama at walang utang na loob sa Diyos. Oo, masama na ko. Pero nirerespeto ko ang Diyos. Naniniwala ako sa kanya bilang aking gabay. Sa hindi ko pagsimba, hindi ko siya kinakalimutan. Nagkakasala man ako sa pagpili ng mga bisyo o kamunduhang hilig ko kaysa makinig sa isang oras na misa, nirerespeto ko naman siya para piliing huwag na lang pilitin ang sarili kong makinig kung ang isip ko naman ay nasa ibang bagay. Sino ba ang hipokrito? Ang linggo linggong nagsisimba at pilit na pinaniniwala ang sarili na tama siya at kayang solusyunan ng Diyos ang lahat ng kanyang problema? O ang taong ayaw magsimba dahil mas pinipiling manood na lamang ng basketball? Pareho? Siguro nga. Pero naniniwala ako sa Diyos bilang aking gabay. At hindi tagapag-solusyon sa mga problema ko habang patuloy kong dinadagdagan sa gitna ng pagsisimba ko. Hindi ako humihingi ng tawad sa Linggo, gagawa ng kasalanan sa ibang araw ng linggo, at hihingi ng tawad ulit pagdating ng susunod na Linggo.

This topic is probably too personal to blog, but I didn't even bother to edit it to make it a pain to read. I just need to vent out and probably let those few who would endure reading this to give me a perspective that I can't see. I posted what I remember of our conversation as accurately as I can. 

...The Wonderful World of Gambling...

I am a gambler. 

I'd bet on anything that I see worth betting on. I bet for money, dares, or even physical pain (pitikan lang naman, easy. Mas dramatic lang pag ganun pagkakasabi.)  I bet on sports, spoken words, events, anything. I've lost my share of fortune via tong-its, poker, and NBA odds, and have had my ears turn red at every time I lost a bet that something might happen and it didn't. I've won my fair share on those too. 

They say it's bad, but really, I think this crap has actually helped me grow as a person. To explain further, I've broken it down to the types of gambling and how it has helped different aspects of my life.

The following assumes you know the games talked about. If in case you don't know how to play the games, I inserted a crash course at the end of the blog.

(Note: This is not as long as it seems. Mei tutorial lang sa dulo kaya mukhang mahaba.)

==============================================================

Tong-its and Optimism

At every point in our lives, we reach a certain crossroad. By taking one path over the other, you may never get the chance to know where the other could have led you.

Tong-its probably has that "what if" moment more times in 1 hour than a person has in a week. Do you pick the thrown card? Do you pick a card from the middle? Should you challenge other players?

Every decision is a leap of faith. Every decision affects the next card you pick up, or the next card thrown to you. It's a ripple effect that you wouldn't be able to point out a single decision you could have changed to affect the outcome. And you just have to live with whatever decision you have made.

It has taught me optimism: That no matter how bad my cards look, it will eventually turn out better as the game progresses. For every turn I have, I control my destiny. I choose where to leap. It all may be set and written, but I have the choice to pick which of it is best for me. I could choose to take a chance on keeping the high cards and get burned, but always look at the possibility that it will take me to victory.

I play with the cards I am dealt with.

I apply that to life and become a better, stronger person. I deal with what is dealt to me. I don't dwell on the "what if's" of the past, because when I reached that crossroad of a life-changing experience, I chose what I thought was the best path for me at the time. I chose this path. I can't say for certain that it's right or wrong, but it was the best decision for me at the time I made it. And I just have to live with it. And I know, that no matter how bad it looks, that it's going to get better. That I will have unexpected surprises that will make the hand I have better.

Or there's that chance of not getting those unexpected surprises and lose in the end.

But I'm not thinking about that.

See? Optimism.

==============================================================

Poker and Empathy

Poker is such an emotionless game. Heck, it puts "emotionless" in the term "poker face". On the poker table, you have to hide the beat of your heart if you could. Every breath that you take, every blink of an eye you make, and every movement of your body could be a "tell" on what kind of card you have. Your betting patterns, how you place the chips in front of you, where you look; these are minor, probably unintentional acts that give away what your hand really is, and the observant poker player can see through your bluffs.

In this time of ever-challenging economy, it's important to know what kind of people you're dealing with; if they're talking to you because of a genuine need of help, or they're just playing you. For the extrovert that I am, I need this to know what topics I can bring up when talking to a random person.

Playing poker has given me that ability to figure people out: how they talk, dress, act, etc., somehow gives me a general idea of how they think, what their likes are, and what kind of person they are. 

But like playing poker, you never really know what cards your opponent is holding. There are times that you'd be right, and chances that you'd be wrong.

And like playing poker, you'd never know which of those chances are unless you place a bet and play your hand 'til the end.

==============================================================

NBA Odds and Faith

"Faith begins when reason ends" is an immortal quote that holds true for almost everything unexplainable in this world. We all have theories on how the world began, and endless debates come to mind. However, we have the Book of Genesis in the Bible, and though there probably was no one to account for what really happened during creation, we all concede that there is a Higher Being that was the prime mover of everything on this earth.

Faith is such an important aspect of our lives. We all "believe" in something, maybe not religiously, but probably principles(I believe that he can help improve the country), professional ideologies (I believe I can work my way up), habits (I believe that cramming makes me perform better), etc.. 

Enter, NBA odds. It's not that complicated of a game. You just pick a team, and "believe" that they will perform as you picked them to. It makes the game more exciting, and at the same time, it gives you a reason to "believe" in something. 

Sometimes, there are really irrational things that you don't know why you have to do but just have to do it, because you "believe" that it's the best thing for you. You never lose hope, and as the song says, "don't stop believing".

Believing drives you to accomplish something that doesn't seem logically possible. We always have to have faith that anything is possible, not restricting ourselves to rational and thought-of hindrances.

And for a simple game like NBA odds, it practices your gut-feel against your rational mind. It makes you believe in yourself to make decisions on the fly, all things considered.

It's a science, I tell you.

==============================================================

Random Bets and Life

Life is dull if you go through everything in the same manner every time. Adding a little spice to it makes it even more exciting. 

Probably a lot of you readers have seen "My Sassy Girl" in American or Korean. Either way, I think they both have that scene of the classic slap-bet for every right foot or left foot that passes by. That was a dull, quiet train ride, until they decided to try something.

Living is not living if you drone-out your everyday life.

These random bets also teach you to take a chance on something (or at times, anything). It may be for small slap bets or something, but at least you let yourself go and actually took a chance that that bird will poop before it takes flight. It's no fun being too uptight. You'll end up living a dull, unexciting life that probably gave you enough support to sustain a living, but never knew what it was to have fun, have friends, and do this or do that.

Taking chances gives an exhilarating feeling every once in a while. And gambling, for all its evils, can give you this exhilarating feeling for taking chances, and living a life.

It's the closest thing I have to sky diving.

=============================================================

Appendix:

How to Play (These are based on experience, so baka mei mali, but basically, ganun lang un):

1. Tong-its 

Ideally played with 3-4 players, each dealt with 12-13 cards (8-9 if 4 players), with one card more to the one dealing them. The object of the game is to release all cards on your hand, called "tong-its". The dealer is the first to release a card, which is ideally the one with the highest value (10, which is 10 and all the face cards). The player next to the dealer then decides if he needs the thrown card to make a "bahay", and if player doesn't, he/she picks a card from the middle of the table. A player can make a "bahay" by putting together either three consecutive cards of the same suit, or three cards of the same value. In most home games, it is essential to have at least 1 "bahay" shown, but the rest, you could keep in your hand, to make other players think that you still have a lot of cards on your hand. At any point, you could challenge them to a "laban" or "fight", which basically means you have to show each other the cards remaining on your hands, and count who has the lowest sum. Players could choose to accept this challenge or not, and after everyone has agreed, players show their hands, with the lowest sum declared as the winner. The game ends when there are no more cards in the middle to pick. Should the game end with everyone still having a card on their hand, the one with the lowest sum of the cards' values wins. 

2. Texas Holdem' Poker 

Maximum of 8 players on the table, each one is dealt with 2 cards. The object is to win with the best 5 cards, using one or two of your cards, and 3 or 5 of the community cards. The order from lowest to highest is: high card, pair, two pairs, three of a kind, straight(5 cards in sequential order), flush (5 cards of the same suit), full house (a combination of a pair and three of a kind), four of a kind, straight flush (5 cards in sequential order of the same suit), and royal flush (5 top cards of the same suit: 10, J, Q, K, and A). A dealer button is usually in place, with the player to his left being the small blind, the next person on the big blind. Blinds are what you call "forced bets" to have a definite pot to play for. Small blinds are usually half the value of the big blind, while the big blind is the minimum bet allowed for the table. The person to the left of the big blind acts first, where player could choose to call the big blind, bet more money, or fold his cards. If he calls, and no one on the table goes over what the big blind's value is, then the first three community cards are shown, called "the flop". If one of the players bet more money than the value of the big blind, everyone else has to match that value before the flop is shown. Once the flop is shown, another round of betting happens. Players could either check (no bets) or raise. Once the values are all matched up, the fourth community card is shown, called "the turn". Another round of betting happens. After all the values are matched up, the final community card is shown, called "the river". This is where the final round of betting happens. After values are met, players show their cards, and the best 5 cards win. 

3. NBA Odds 

For the small-time player like me, minimum bets are 500, which win 450, as 10% goes to the oddsmakers. Usually, betting time opens from 10PM to 10:30PM of the night before the game airs here. NBA oddsmakers determine the possible +/- of a matchup, with a + given to the inferior team. Players bet on the possibility of whether or not the superior team can "cover" the plus of the inferior team. Example: Superior Team -5.5 vs Inferior Team +5.5. This scenario means that a bet for Superior Team only wins if it beat Inferior Team by 6pts or more. If Superior Team beats Inferior Team by just 5pts or less, bets for the Inferior Team win. 

...On Writing...

I got the chance to read an entertaining blog from a friend yesterday (http://bangsh.multiply.com/journal/item/51/ay_magbo-blog_para_mag-rant.?replies_read=10), about her being single. Then I remembered how it was being able to write that way: entertaining, interesting, fun. If you define a "writer" as one who can write both prose and poetry with ease, then I could say that I never was one. I'm a bad poet, and rarely do I get the true meaning of some poetry. 

But I do want to think of myself as a writer: I write with confidence that I'm using correct grammar, I express my thoughts clearly, and I have fun reading some of the stuff I wrote a long time ago. I write best when I have an opinion on the matter, so I guess I get to write my best when sharing personal experiences. 

I realized yesterday that I haven't been able to write as much as I did before. And Issa was ranting that she couldn't get herself to write as well. Not to say that we're on the same field here, as she is more creative than I was (her poetry could be made into songs, I think), but I'm going on a limb here and try to think of reasons why I couldn't write anymore. 

1. The Evil that is Facebook

Before Facebook, you'd see lengthy blogs from me even every week. I frequent Multiply because I get to read lengthy blogs from my friends as well. Then came Facebook, with it's 420-character statuses. Then Twitter, with 160 characters. People became so engrossed with expressing themselves in limited characters, that there's nothing much to write about if you decide to make a blog. In probably a single sentence, you have shared everything that you felt for the whole day, that if you made a blog about it, people won't read it knowing the gist of what happened to your day.

Eventually, I got lazy. I wrote my lengthy thoughts on the comments section of people's statuses. I replied to every comment on my status updates. I read people's one-liners to be updated about their lives. No more reading about details, no more sharing of mine. Just straight to the point thoughts. 

Thinking about it, if you're reading this and you see that you're not even at the half of the blog, don't get frustrated. I'm giving you a favor. I'm trying to make you enjoy reading details again. Think about this blog as being a whole movie, as opposed to a Facebook or Twitter post which are trailers. Isn't it a bit more exciting watching a whole movie and understanding the whole story than just skipping to the good parts?

2. Creativity in Depression

You, dear reader, are probably of my age or near that. Well then, chances are, you've been a fan of Wave 89.1's Quiet Storm at one point in your life or even to this day. It's nice to listen to those nice songs, really. But aren't they all sad? "Separated" by Usher, "Gone" by N'Sync, or even the contemporary "Di Lang Ikaw" by Juris (that song from "Ruby") are all about loneliness.

As I mentioned in Shally's blog, I think I wrote my best pieces when I was single. Not that I was wishing I were single, but the thing is, people related to me more, I turned depression into inspiration by ranting about my feelings, and ended up with pretty good pieces. Well, to me they were. They're like those Quiet Storm songs: you've heard them countless times, but when when you hear them again, it's like a new song that you just have to listen to til it ends. 

Right now, I'm in a contented state in life. I'm happy, true, probably not all the time, but it's just how life is. But I know whatever happens, that there's a better half of me that I can always count on. I need not escape through writing to escape my depression like before. I had someone who'd listen to me. It's not like she's sucking out my creativity, it's just that, I don't feel the urge to rant because I haven't been keeping much to myself. 

Theorizing, I think people's inclination towards reading sad, depressing quotes or blogs is because of our natural concern towards others. I mean, if someone wrote a blog about how wonderful his/her day was, what would you tell that person? "Congrats!"? But if someone wrote something about what's eating him/her out, you try to reach out and encourage that person to go on and keep on living.

We have a natural tendency to "help" others. We want to do something when we can. We'd rather try to give attention to people who need help than be happy with people who are happy with their lives. 

Ironic, isn't it? We're that kind of people, but we have this kind of government. But then, don't make me go there.

Point is, depression = creativity, happiness = contentment. 

3. The Reward of Readership

When I write blogs, I try to reply to everyone who leaves a comment. I also make it a habit to check how many people actually read the stuff I write. 

I enjoy seeing people actually reading my stuff. No matter how much I say that I write because I want to express myself, my best reward is always when someone actually relates to my post, someone reads it, or someone has an opinion about it. That's why I don't keep a journal or a diary. It's like being a secret agent: it's so cool but you can't tell anyone that you are. I mean, why write something if you know nobody's going to get to read it anyway? 

Sadly, Multiply readership has declined. Probably because of too many online marketers, but I think I'd go back and blame Facebook all over again. It turned us all into lazy readers, wanting to read about so many people in so little time, but not able to know the whole story behind those status updates. When we see at least 3 paragraphs of text, we instantly think it's a waste of time. 

I think my man  Angel Velasco writes about good basketball stuff in his site (http://offthebench.multiply.com/), but it's not like before when we got to trade opinions with other basketball fans. Heck, the most talked-about free agency wasn't even discussed in his site. If I were the one keeping the site up, I'd fold ship. Good thing I'm not. I still get to read good stuff from him every once in a while. 

I don't really know how people or real writers write. I mean, do they write for the sake of writing? Do they get affected by their readers with positive or negative feedbacks? 

Me, I write to express. But to be criticized or praised or be noticed; those are the stuff that inspire me to write. I like to write, but I love to be read. It makes me believe that I CAN write.

========================================================

Why serve meat to vegetarians? Would you even try to run out to the street in the middle of a thunderstorm when you don't want to be wet? Then why write if you know no one's going to read it? 

I don't consider myself as a loss to the "writing" world. But if any of you readers are actually writers and you think you have the same reasons as mine, YOU probably would be a loss to that world. Find inspiration. If you need to be depressed, go emo. If you need readers, post something, I promise to read and comment on it. 

Just don't be lazy.