...To New Beginnings...

"Alis volat propriis"

- Latin phrase, Translated; "she flies with her own wings"

We dream to do a lot of things with our lives, but few dare to reach for these dreams.

Today, I return from Singapore alone. After two years of dreaming of taking the next step in her career and exploring a new world, Che has finally taken that huge leap on crossing that out of her bucket list. She's taking a job she didn't expect. To save you from the details, I'll simply put it this way; she was aiming for the sky, but it opened such that she would reach a star. 

Since she started this motion in September, a lot of scenarios have been played out in our minds, but extending her resignation date wasn't one of them because she might not want to leave. She considered a local job from the client side because we don't want our beloved Mother May to feel bad that she left and went to another agency. She thought about staying behind in Singapore after our F1 trip, which, looking back now, thankfully didn't happen. 

Almost a month after we learned of her promising new opportunity, she stopped making plans and was all in on this. It was a long and difficult wait of the unknown. She went through the whole month either watching Running Man and The Heirs, reading eBooks, or taking orders for Hungry Rover.  

And finally, the call. 

My phone rang while I was in the office, and she was calling. I thought it was a random call because I wasn't replying.

"Meron na kong hiring approval!" shouted the excited girl from the other line.

You could make a comic strip out of this series of events under the phrase "Good things come to those who wait" to illustrate it. She almost lost hope, waiting for more than a month with no updates after her interview over the phone. I just picked up my renewed passport. Issa already considered having a roommate. Just when she was down in the pits, the call from her employer just picked her up. 

And now, after that long intro, I answer the two most frequently asked questions to me since we learned about the move.

"Kaya mo ba?"

"Ready ka na ba?"

I write this because this is the only way I know best to explain these without either breaking down or looking indifferent about everything that's happening.

For the first time in nine years, we'll be really apart. It will be the first time in years that I won't be there to hold her hand right when she needs me. It may be the first time in her adult life when I wouldn't be physically present when she vents out all her frustrations and feelings she keeps behind her wonderful smile. 

Over the years, our relationship has evolved constantly as we grew older. Needs, priorities, and plans changed. We learned to adapt to the real world, breaking our personally-set life deadlines, and just living life. We have faced different challenges, and here we stand still together, officially on the 29th of November; nine years after that saved message on my 5110 that said "sigurado na ako :)" and made me a giggling fool running under the rain and over the floods of Kalentong to San Juan.

Since day one, I knew I wanted to take care of her, and God knows I always did. It has burned me a couple of times already; she came to a point where she thought she lost her individuality and wanted to distance herself from me. It was the only way she knew how to be known as "Che" and not "Che, Volt's girlfriend".

As we adapted, she somehow learned to work through having our kind of relationship and still keep the individuality she wanted. She had a lot of dreams, so many things she wanted to do. I wasn't going to stand in any of it.

The best and permanent reminder of this is probably her urge to get a tattoo. I have always been against it. I never liked the idea of tattoos and piercings. She's been saying she wanted one for a couple of years already. I've always told her that I don't like it, but if she thinks she needs to get it, then she can do what she wants. I told her that I won't be there to hold her hand when she gets hurt while getting it though.

Early this year, she found her quote, and finally decided to get it; a Latin phrase she found among the thousands of quotes she gets to read over social networks - "Alis volat propriis," translated, means "she flies with her own wings."

Of course, I wasn't happy about the tattoo, but I am happy that she decided on her own to get it, and that she did it for herself. And no, I wasn't there when she got it.

And now, Singapore.

Am I happy about this? Absolutely. She's always wanted this, and this is her chance to make her dream come true.

Am I not sad to see her leave? Of course I am. But I look at the bright side, and understand that in the long run, this will only do us both good.

Have we talked about who's moving where and how long this Singapore thing will last? Truthfully, no. But it is a choice that we made. I think that putting deadlines on dreams limits one's chance of enjoying the said dream. We can chase our own dreams separately knowing that we're cheering each other to go on and not racing each other to who gets to a goal first.

Am I ready for a long distance relationship? I say, who is ever ready for it? I know it is difficult, and there will be days when we'll feel helpless not being on the other's side. But overcoming adversity is something that we know a thing or two about. I think we have built a strong enough foundation to be ready for this move.

Umiyak ka na ba? Not yet. I think for a couple of times I was on the brink of it, but tears haven't really fallen. It's not because I don't care, but rather because her getting a really promising career opportunity is something we should be more happy about than dwell in the sadness because of the fact that we'll be apart.

With a heavy but hopeful heart, I'm going on with my day with the realization that this is really happening. I am a country away from her. I don't know how her day or her week will turn out. I am scared as shit that she might put too much pressure on herself and I can't hold her hand to tell her she'll be ok.

Part of me doesn't want to let go. But a bigger part of me is reassures me that I need to. Like only a few before her, she's daring to take a next step in her life.

Today, she truly will be flying with her own wings.

Good luck, my love. :) I pray for the day that your wings fly you back to where we need to be at the end of each day... I love you! <3