Sunday, December 21, 2008

Living, Dying, and Everything in Between for the Christmas Season

Christmas Party and Work


We had our Christmas party last Dec 18 and it was cool, or “groovy” as we were in our 70’s costume. Yeah, well, so I looked more like an 80’s guy than a 70’s person, but I dressed up (somewhat), and that’s what I think matters. Initially I wanted to win, but after seeing how much effort one of our account managers put in, I thought I’d just enjoy the show. It was a party full of old people enjoying themselves. It’s not as much fun for me, but I felt like I was part of something, which is actually a good thing to feel especially in this friend-forsaken (age group-wise) office.


We had our presentation which was fun to do since I got to spend time with the fragrance team who made me feel worth something, and a significant part of the group. And when the party took too long and Che wasn’t doing anything in her office, I asked her to drop by because I felt like the fragrance team and the other people in the office were somewhat of my parents/uncles/aunts that I had to introduce my girlfriend to them all. Yun lang, mahiyain si Che. But at least she saw a couple of persons kinda close to me in the office, Ms Cindy, who gives me my whole workload, and Ms Tess, my boss.

 

Anyway, now that that’s over with (Christmas party) everyone’s out on vacation. But since I’m the contract guy, I can’t go on no leaves. So I have to be here in the office, with nothing to do since all my bosses are on leaves, and even the regional office is closed. Hence, I’m all clear to write my first blog after more than a couple of weeks.

 

Taking Off from Work

 

Here’s the thing I like about my job which the receptionist and the guard tipped me on: I can leave the office and not come back. It’s like this: I’m the marketing person, and their idea of marketing is someone that goes out to the market. Sure, there’s the market analysis and stuff from time to time, and the presentations as well, but most of the time, that’s “marketing” for them. So, I’m legally allowed by my work to leave the office to check different supermarkets for new products or prices or something. And if I don’t have deadlines, I could actually choose not to go back to the office especially if its like 4:30PM since I could leave by 5PM anyway – a tip that I used/am using to my advantage. What I do is leave work by around 1PM, take a quick check at Robinson’s grocery ,then leave for wherever, and not go back to the office.

 

It’s one of the things that make me lazy at work, and which makes me think I’d feel frustrated early if I get a new job that won’t allow me to do such things.

 

Basketball and the Monster Named Reinier

 

Ewan ko kung tama spelling ko ng pangalan nya. Pero Philo friends should know who I am talking about.

 

Anyway, we got this guy who’s got mad game, na nakakainis bantayan. If the ball doesn’t shoot, you’d actually be surprised because you’re so used to seeing the ball go in every time he has it. He can drive, he can shoot, he can defend, he can dribble. He’s relatively tall (para sa kin matangkad siya. Pero compared sa players talaga, ndi ganun katangkad) and can actually challenge Dylan Ababou’s game (or so I think) just coz they’re both such complete players.

 

All right, so I’m hyping him up. Here’s the thing, there are some moments in my college basketball life that I could clearly distinctly remember:

 

  1. A good shooting day at Kapatiran when everything was falling for me. (highlight: shot one three pointer and turned around before it even fell in)
  2. Josec’s one-dimensional move (fake pass to the right on a fastbreak then lay it up himself)
  3. Monte’s sidestepping move over 4 defenders off a bullet bounce from Imon
  4. Boj’s block on Diaz on the break
  5. Me pushing Imon while he was on the air for a layup
  6. Jason’s kiss on his defender before hitting a trey.

 

But one thing that I know is common to all of us was THE BLOCK. The setting was – Imon drives, I set my feet on the corner. Imon posts to give me a screen from Reinier, then handed it off to me. I set up and as if the whole thing went in slomo, Imon heard Reinier slap his thighs as if they were wings then leaped so freakin high that he got to my shot and blocked – no, VOLLEYBALLED – the ball to the stage with such power that everyone, even Imon, the guy who passed to me, could only say “ooohhh!!”. It was a confidence-buster.


Fast forward to last Wednesday: I was shooting from 3 the whole game, where Reinier couldn’t get to me. Then, at 29-27, a teammate of mine decided to take a shot. He missed, but I was right there. I heard Reinier from behind when he said “ui!” so I thought he was off-guard. I didn’t bother to fake, and I just took the shot off the rebound. And guess what, another volleyball-spiked ball courtesy of the same guy. Asshole.

 

 Oh, and must be noted in the game: Imon’s hot shooting early, pero walang pang-close. Haha..

 

 

The Supposed Joy of Christmas

 

You get to feel Christmas is just around the corner because just about everywhere, there’s niceness all around. But thing is, sometimes people tend to abuse it.

 

Case in point: Going home, me, Imon, and Ella caught traffic along Laong Laan. Two kids approach us, shouting Christmas carols. Our ride was a non-aircon one, so windows were all open for interaction. Thing is with these beggars, it’s like they obligate you to give them something if you talk to them. So these kids pushed their luck and kept insisting that we give them something. Ok, so probably “demanding” is a more appropriate word for it. The kid who looked like 6 even threatened at one point: “Kahit piso lang, sapakin kita dyan eh!”.

 

What the hell ever happened to Christmas? Has it become so commercialized that people see it as a moneymaking venture rather than a time of genuine giving and niceness?

 

Paskuhan ‘08

 

I’ve been to Paskuhan for all my years of stay in UST. I went last year, Che’s last year. Year in and year out, it’s a fun time to watch the fireworks display and sometimes the bands that perform, and take pictures when everyone’s leaving. This year was exceptionally disappointing.

 

First, I get pressured by an underclassman to be at UST by 7PM. FYI, SDP spends Paskuhan together by the big Christmas tree every year, and stay there till the crowd pacifies so that we get to have our pictures taken by the Christmas tree or on stage. This year, me and Che had to contend with freakin traffic in my car with no aircon after work. And I get repeated texts from an underclassman to be there already. It’s bull. I don’t appreciate it in any way. Then as soon as we arrived, I don’t see her. Or anyone else for that matter. Fine, I saw Manny, but probably because he was sick. And Kamla, because she was taking care of Manny at the time. But all the rest? Going ga-ga over Bamboo.

 

Second: THE PLACE IS TOO FREAKIN CROWDED! It seems like its been too hyped up that the other U-belt schools don’t bother to make a big party to end their calendar year and just let their students attend the Paskuhan. When before, there was a breathing room at the edge of the field (as in the corners), now there wasn’t. The place was filled with 2/3 of the Luneta crowd (as in the people who were supposed to be in Luneta), half of each U-belt school population (half of the said population have food stubs supposedly exclusive for UST students), and all UST students and some alumni. It was crazy stressful.

 

Bamboo played, which is good, but man. The crowd was just not right. I hope the 2011 Homecoming will have tighter security that allows only students and former students of the university to be in.

  

Last Minute Christmas Shopping: In Pursuit of 3Musketeers

 

Everyone does it. And nothing made it more clear than what Che and I had to endure last Saturday. It was way too traffic, and all places were crowded. Now, I was already thinking of settling for SM Marikina (we had to go to SM. We had a bunch of GC’s waiting to be spent.=P) because of the freakin’ traffic, until a DJ in 94.7 read a message from their textline, who asked where she could buy 3Musketeers. Now, I’ve been going around everywhere looking for this around Manila (I’m already sure Puregold in Clark has it) to no avail. And it’s not like I’m looking at selected stores, I check almost any store that I can because it is part of my job. Anyway, DJ says there are a lot of 3Musketeers in SM North EDSA, and they even have the minis available. I looked at Che, and she looked back at me. She knew what I was gonna say: “Tara, SM North tayo!

 

And ‘lo and behold, there wasn’t any 3Musketeers available. Just a bunch of Baby Ruth chocolates.

 

When will people realize that Babe Ruth and 3Musketeers are 2 entirely different kinds of chocolates despite their similar-looking packages?! Demmit. I was hopeful.

 

We did get to buy a bunch of stuff at SM, and were able to buy Horny, the newest addition to our stuffed-toy family. (And no, you perv. “Horny” is named such because he has horns.)

 

Me and Che had dinner at Tokyo Tokyo that night. This guy seated next to us asked for extra rice. He asked twice, at long intervals. By the third time, he sounded a bit irritated, to which an employee shot back at him at a similarly irritated voice “sandali lang po sir!”. Guy gets pissed and asks, “anong sabi mo?!” then walks toward the employee area where he dares the waiter to come out.

 

What’s shitty about what happened is that the waiter didn’t have to shout back the way that he did. But what’s really a mess is the guy who looks like he’s a gym rat. Nakakainis mga taong ganun. They work out so that nobody can mess with them, and they make sure that that’s how everyone feels by challenging anybody who does any little thing against them.

 

Finger-roll Pass and a You-Can’t-Not-Take-A-Picture-With-Us Script

 

Watched a PBA game yesterday at Cuneta. It’s been long overdue, and it had to happen all too suddenly. Anyway, Kali and Jason did their thing with the scalpers, and from the original price of 300, it went down to 250, and then finally 200. We were surprised when we weren’t allowed in because, get this: we were wearing slippers (at least Kali and I). They said it was ok if we had socks on. But since we had 2 guys who had shoes on, what we did was wear their shoes, and them walk in with our slippers. We did the whole changing thing right in front of the guard. Tapos pagpasok namin kung sino sino rin naman pala nakatsinelas. Talk about rules.

 

Here are the things that made the ticket well worth it:

  1. Highlight of the game night was a Cyrus Baguio and-one play off a fastbreak, over Joseph Yeo. He carried the ball, took 2 steps, jumped, where Yeo grabbed him, and right before he could get down on the ground, he threw the ball up, and it went in. It happened right in front of us.

 

  1. Kelly Williams dunked. I said once Sta Lucia switched courts, Kelly will dunk the ball. And boy, was I right. Sta Lucia applied pressure D and once Yeo  got the ball, he immediately passed to a waiting Kelly Williams, who slammed the ball in.

 

  1. Norman Gonzalez became my least favorite player of all time. Off a steal, Norman ran the whole length of the court, and led a 3-man fast break, with Kelly Williams running in the middle. The freakin Norman Gonzalez killed the crowd’s anticipation of a Kelly Williams dunk by laying the ball up by himself. Freakin asshole!

 

  1. Marlou Aquino’s Finger-roll pass. It was all the way to the other side of the court, but we were in full view of it. Marlou posts up, then sees a teammate near him. He literally hands the ball over to teammate via a finger-roll looking pass to the teammates chest. It was hilarious.

 

  1. Jeff Chan fired up a bunch of points which helps me and my fantasy team.=)

 

  1. We got a picture of Lia Cruz! And I’m in it! Imon, link the people!!

 

  1. We got a picture of Pak-yaw.

 

  1. We got to bash some gay guys who were paid to watch the game.

Magic Mental Block Moment

(Salamat Imon sa pagpapaalala)

Got to call Magic. Longtime listener of the morning show, but never got the chance to call. Tapos trip trip lang, nagtry ako tumawag last Tuesday ata. Akalain mong nag-ring. Akalain mong narinig ko sila sa telepono ko. Demmit. Trapik sa Julia Vargas.

Ayun. They took the call and gave me a chance to win 10k if i won his game. The game's called "Ang Yabang Mo", and it goes like you suck up to Mo evertime he says a statement. I know I could do it, I know it's easy, and I've always said I could win that game any day. But that wasn't the day. My heart was racing too fast that I couldn't think of anything to say to his "Christmas is a time of giving" statement. Demmit. Ambobo.


Sir Obusan and Books

 

How do you want your life to be defined?

 

Sir Obusan, our Latin professor, passed away last week. I know we rarely attended his class and we didn’t take his classes as seriously as we did the other subjects, but we loved Sir Obusan for his happy personality. He NEVER got mad at us, no matter how rowdy we were. He was the prof we talk to about the recent UAAP game and upcoming UAAP games. He was the guy who read a lot, so striking a conversation was never an issue for him, because he had all the topics under the sun in his mind.

 

We went to his wake yesterday, and several people close to him had some words to say about him. Then there was a presentation about him. I had a couple of realizations because of those.

 

  1. Pictures are truly priceless. I hate taking pictures of myself. When I was a kid, I didn’t want to be in pictures. Then there was the time the whole family went up to Baguio and we all wanted to have something to show, so we all wanted to be in the picture. Since then, I was ok with taking pictures. But still, it always had to be in groups. Anyway, while watching the presentation, I realized pictures are the only things that people you leave behind would have to remember you by. Lack of it gives them less memories to remember you by. After you’re gone from this world, it’s the memories of you or with you that keeps some people going. You have to help them help themselves. You have to give them mementos of happy memories not so they could mope at your loss, but rather, to show them that you’ve had a life well lived, and it’s time to move on and be happy for your soul that is once again reunited with the Lord. To show them that you’ve had your time together, and it was fun while it lasted, but it’s now time to make memories with others, as the one who left you made memories for you.

 

Hence, I made a resolution to be in pictures, whenever there is a chance. To keep memories. And if Che decides to go on with the DSLR plan, I would want to take pictures of people around me, that I may have a “recent picture” of people close to me. Hey, you never know who the next one could be.

 

  1. You define what your life would be. What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you (a person who knows Sir Obusan) hear Sir Obusan’s name? I’m thinking, 9/10 times, your answer would be “books”. Sir Obusan had such passion for text that aside from being well-read, he also sells books for really cheap prices. He is God’s gift to Philosophy-inclined students because its too damn hard to find Philosophy books (especially primary sources, and most especially cheap ones) but Sir Obusan has them available. He “lived a life worth living” sabi nga nung presentation. I believe that. I do because he did what he wanted in life: pursued education; learned new things everyday. And at the end of the day, he was best remembered for the very symbol of education: books. He died checking test papers. In the academe. I don’t know if he could have it any better. I just wished he saw one last Paskuhan or one last new year.

 

Anyway, God probably told him Paskuhan was gonna suck this year anyway, so he might as well just go with him then, after all, he already gave his gifts to his friends in the faculty.

 

Oh, realization. I just want to be like that. Having been able to define his life doing what he wanted to do all along. He knew what he wanted in life and enjoyed his whole life. And even in death, he is remembered as the same thing he probably wants to be remembered: a teacher.



Thank you Sir Obusan, for a life indeed worth lived.


Wednesday, December 10, 2008

...christamas party-prep, human rights/chacha, Bolt, and the best day of the month...

Christmas Party

for the past several days, i can't seem to get myself out of work. Its partly due to so many requests coming in from other countries and others due to us practicing for the Christmas party coming up on the 18th. We're gonna be singing as a choral group. So, I'm in a manufacturing company, right? We've got 2 teams, a flavors and a fragrance team. For the competition, support and services have their own group, and the contractual employees have another. I'm supposed to be with the contractual group, but the fragrance team pulled some strings to get me in their team. I'd like to believe they got me because they like me and they think that I'm such a multi-skilled person that I can contribute something positive for their team.

Anyway, for the past several days, we've been rehearsing like we're gonna be winning a million dollars or something. We're spending for props, and we hired a voice coach, we even spent for the recording of the minus-one CD. If we were gonna win a thousand pesos for this gig, I think we'd win bragging rights, but our wallets lose.

But after a "bonding session" over coffee (yes, coffee. i'm no coffee person, but it was free. who am i to refuse?) with a couple of account managers who are so fond of me (because i get stuff done for them pretty quick and pretty good), I learned that office competitions are really something they prepare for. It's like the east and west all stars in the NBA = it happens rarely, it's supposed to be friendly, but one wants to get one over the other. So I kinda understood why we were putting this much effort in all this.

And because they took me in, I can't just go absent for a day and leave them practicing without me. I never leave my team behind.
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Human Rights and Public Service

December 8, was it, when there was a shootout somewhere near the expressway? I didn't see the whole report, I saw several articles and watched a few clips. It's sickening really, to find "intelligence" officers of the PNP not getting their jobs right. Crossfire? How convenient. And the father and son gunned down were supposedly "unlucky" to have been in the middle of it? Heh. Any investigation would show that bullets that hit the father and son were from the opposing group. That's just how it is. That's how good PNP or any government official for that matter, covers their ass up. They justify their mistakes to make it seem as if the parties involved or not involved that are not part of them are actually to blame and not them (*wow, calling card ni bolter. dapat siguro talaga maging pulitiko ako*)...

Then there was this guy who they gunned down, a certain Ronald something? They tagged him as a suspect despite "a truckload of PNCC employees claiming that he was a regular employee there" and is in no means an asset to the Waray Waray group. "Intel" had "suspect Ronald in black jacket and helmet", the same black jacket and helmet the guy uses everyday to match his motorcycle. PNP didn't want to apologize. I mean, just a simple apology. Then I heard on the AM radio while aboard an FX that the PNP actually issued a statement of apology. But not "apologizing" for killing the guy. They said a member of the opposing group was riding behind him and that guy was holding a high-caliber rifle. They said they were "sorry that he was caught in all of it, and that the family just misunderstood the PNP's earlier statement." Bullshit. What's to misunderstand?! They killed the father of a young family. A person who was dedicated to his work. And he can't even get a decent apology for the freakin mistake by the stupid police? Tapos ngayon, kasalanan pa ng pamilya dahil "hindi nila naintindihan ang pahayag ng mga pulis" nung una?! Why the hell was he tagged as a suspect, then now, they claim he was just used as an asset? Bull fuckin shit.

To serve and protect.... even if it means killing 8 civilians so that 4 robbers could be killed.

And you were condemning Ping Lacson for his killings. Tsk.

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Dance to the ChaCha

Cha-cha's in full throttle. Anyone who doesn't think that the president's extension is not part of the deal is either a 3-year old (a 4-year old might already understand the concept), a rightist who gets perks from this government, or just plain retarded.

Prospero Nograles is the speaker of the house. He's an ally of the president, indebted to her and her political allies for the postion he now holds.

Mikee Arroyo, the president's son, is pushing for the bill for charter change. His strongest backer for it? His brother, Dato, who despite not being a native of Bicol is actually a congressman for one of its districts. And what did he do to deserve it? A year in Ateneo de Naga or something. (Frankly, I think he doesn't.) And to add a little more intrigue, these two are part of the same house that was bought out to oust JDV and install Nograles into his post.

The senate seems to be harmless, with newly-appointed Senate President Juan Ponce Enrile (spell "political butterfly" aside from the usual l-o-r-e-n?) saying that the senators are strongly against it. If Enrile is THAT much credible, I'm sorry for being a hater. Uncle Jun is still where he is, that is, away from his home, and his issues are not resolved yet. Enrile was and I believe is still on the other side of the fence of what Uncle Jun is fighting for. It wouldn't surprise me if he does something to approve the charter change bill in the near future.

The judicial department is composed of justices appointed by the president. Coincidentally, 7, I think, of the current justices are set to retire by next year. They already hold majority of the judiciary, as evidenced by favorable (for the gov't) Supreme Court rulings on issues concerning Uncle Jun, the farmers, and then some. With some of the justices retiring, and new ones to be installed by the president, it wouldn't come as a surprise if the judiciary would support the bill on charter change.

We're being treated like dumbasses here, and we're taking the crap as if it was nothing. Sure you're still wondering who would be a "better" replacement for GMA. But for me, even my ailing dog would be better sitting on top of this country than her.

At least if the dog craps, we can still clean it up.

I'll join the rest of the people who care enough to let their voices be heard on FRIDAY, DECEMBER 12, 2008 @ PASEO DE ROXAS... It's unconventional, it may be unconstitutional, but hey, if your own system fails you, what do you do and who do you turn to?

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Bolt pinanood ni Volt

Oo na ate. tinuloy ko pa rin ung title na un. Matagal nang overdue ang post ko about this, at gusto ko lang sabihing nakakatuwa ang palabas na to. Cute. Mabilis siguro masyado yung kwento pero iniintindi ko na lang ang mga animators. Masaya ako sa superbark, pero paborito ko pa rin ang kanyang heat vision.

Wala naman talaga ako masyado sasabihin tungkol sa movie. Gusto ko lang maglabas ng kakornihan kasi antagal ko na talagang gusto sabihin un title ko para sa part na to.

(wow, talk about anti-climatic.. politics then shift kei bolt?!)

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"Give Us This Day"

To borrow from Nike, the day of the Pacman fight turned out to be one of our biggest days too. Kali bet on Pacman to win the fight for 1k. +200 if Hoya gets knocked out. Sabi ko kay Kali, it's 1.2k or nothing for him.

And guess what he got...

Then off we went to Rah and Ged's place where we find the best place a bum could spend his day on: a fully furnished home entertainment system. Lazy-boy, big-ass TV (that twists so that you can watch while eating!) and surround sound. Ah...

We got to eat fine tasting food from our gracious hosts, got a couple of nice jabs from the groom, and a smile from the soon-to-be-mom. Not to mention a rousing welcome from their 9 dogs. And that cat.

We also got to play mini-golf. Christian won. Kung paramihan ng pinamigay na pera ang laban. Wahahahaha.... I will find one of those "simple machines" nga...

Oh, why it was the best day ever. We picked 4 teams to win in the NBA for odds. All 4 won. Then we went on to pick a winner for the PBA game, and that won as well.

Biggest winner of the day: Kali. His trip to Cam Sur is set. Congrats.

Now... If we could only pick the right lotto numbers....

Monday, November 24, 2008

...zola...




sabi ni kali good chow daw eh... masarap naman... at nawili si che sa mga bolang ilaw... ako naman nawiling kumain...

makulit un waitress namin, parang classmate lang... ndi ko nga lang natanong pangalan...

...going home + raindrop collection ni che....




sabi ni che wag ko daw tanggalin "raindrop collection" nya eh...


naubusan ng battery un cam wala pang 1/8 ng byahe, so yan lang meron... haha...

...minesview...




umulan ng onti, walang natira, pwesto agad... haha...

...boating...




late afternoon till night... ang nakakainis lang, pagkaalis namin, ilang minuto pa eh si kuya'y nagsisisigaw na ng "o, 60 one to sawa na!!"

pakshet.. oh well.. lugi rin naman ako sa paguran no...

xempre onti lang pix namin together... takot kami tumaob un banka eh.. hehe...

...baguio at afternoon till night...




random stuff we saw during the evening..

...baguio cathedral...




marami pic nun mga ibon.. hinuhuli kasi ni che un paglipad daw nila eh..

mei captions un iba... kakatamad lagyan un iba eh...

...baguio trip...

hindi pa nakakarating si che sa baguio. kailangan andun ako sa first time nyang pagpunta dun...


we're gonna be celebrating our 4th year together on 11/29/08, and we were thinking of celebrating it in a special manner... problem is 11/29 happens to be uncle jun's birthday, and uncle jun never wants people missing his birthday... and che had a trip to davao on the 28th for work... kaya eto, gulatan na lang ang laban, advanced celeb na.




















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kasama ang aming tour guide in spirit (kali), at ilang tips/directions mula sa tatay kong pinagmulan ng idea ng Baguio (kuya ags) bulag naming tinahak ang baguio... nakatuloy sa isang hotel na inalok nun mga sumalubong sa min...


lakad sa kun nasan man kami... hinahanap ang good chow na sinabi ni kali, at matapos ang matinding lakaran paakyat, pababa, paliko-liko sa kawalan, nakita rin namin:



oo masaya lakarin ang session road... pero pota... pag pataas ansakit kasi sa paa eh...



nawili si che kakapichur ng mga ilaw... ako masaya na sa pagpapakababoy...
















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cathedral was next, dahil malapit lang dun... pichur pichur sa mga ibon na nakatambay dun dahil nag-aantay makahuli ng ibong lumilipad... mei cool pa na pic na parang mei TV un rehas... nakapasok din sa loob, kun saan mei kasal... lumuhod muna't nagdasal, nagpasalamat ako sa buhay na ibinigay sa min, sa kasama ko, sa magandang byahe at sa paggabay sa byahe pauwi... ewan ko lang kun anu dinasal ni che... hehe








framed!













ayun, nakahuli ka ng isa..












                                                    the Cathedral










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minesview na...di daw dapat mamiss sabi ni kali... nakakatuwa kasi mejo umulan, nagtakbuhan mga tao pasilong.. kami sugod lang... tapos tumigil un ulan... fun... mei magaganda tuloy kami pwesto...
















mei nakita pa kaming bangaw na mei identity crisis, kala ata bubuyog xa... o butterfly...













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back to hotel, dahil mei dala na kaming ilang pasalubong (kabilang dito ay dalawang halaman)... tapos sugod ulit matapos ang sandaling pagsilip ni che sa chika at sa palabas ni kris aquino at eric quizon...  burnham ang next stop... lakad ulit nang malupit... pagdating dun, binatog muna, dahil miss na ni che... ndi ako kumakain pero napakain ako dahil ayaw ni che ng gatas (na nilagyan ni ate/kuya)... bumili kami ng isa pa na walang gatas...

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boat ride na next... nakakainis kasi pinatulan namin agad un unang nag-alok sa min. pde namang ndi... mei swan sana.. ayun, napa-sagwan tuloy ako ng di oras... pero nagtry din naman si che....
















                                      see? haha..









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lakad along burnham, mei nakita kami na pinatulan namin as remembrance ng baguio (mamaya ko na pakita un)... tapos nakabili si che ng sapatos na maganda at mura so pinatulan na namin... isaw stopover ang next...



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at dahil wala na budget, sabi ko ndi na kaya mag-ukay... at sarado na rin ang mga ukay, kaya SM Baguio na lang kami... nginangatog si che sa lamig ng SM Baguio...

che: wala ka siguro makikitang naka-sleeveless dito no?
me: ndi. kahit saan mei malandi.
che: ang lamig kaya!
me: meron yan...


pagpila namin sa taxi, eion, mei babae sa harap namin. naka-sleeveless. tangna nya. nanginginig xang literal. wahahahaha... pigil kami ng pigil ng tawa ni che...


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balik sa hotel room, nanood ng onting MMK, tapos Banana Split (Christine Reyes, demmit..), tapos Emergency ata. ewan. nakatulog na ko... bwakananginang lamig pa rin kahit na nakasarado ang bintana sa walang aircon naming kwarto...

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kinabukasan, gumising para dapat magsimba, kaso ndi makabangon.. apparently, nagising si che ng mga 2AM at ndi agad nakatulog, habang ako'y mahimbing na ang tulog... kaya un, wasak pa siya, habang ako nama'y pabanjing banjing na at nagawa pang tumawag ng room service for breakfast...

lumayas kami sa hotel ng mga 10:30 at nag-rush palengke pasalubong shopping kun saan muntik na ko manakawan... naramdaman ko nang nakaangat un jacket ko eh, kaso nasa loob na bulsa un mga gamit ko so, pasenxa si kuya...

nakabalik naman kami sa hotel in time para makapagpahinga ng onti at makapag-check out ng walang extension...

===============================================================

sa byahe pabalik, paubos na baterya, pero sinagad na ni che, at kanyang nabuo ang kanyang tinatawag na "raindrop collection." mei sample sa baba...





==========================================================

after a long weekend that seemed at times short, but at some points seemed like the longest saturday of our lives, che and i celebrated what has been 4 years of us being together with another first: her first trip to baguio, our first long trip alone together, our first "blind" trip with nothing whatsoever planned out...

it was a rather exhilirating experience.. quiet moments, as well as noisy, senseless ones (use ____ in a sentence... wahahahaha... ayoko na ulitin. ang jologs eh.. haha...) make up our time together...





4 years together, and hopefully, there would be more to come...





and as for Baguio, it is immortalized in pictures, and we are left with our own immortalization of the trip, and somewhat a material thing that is not a ring:


....you'll always have the other half of my heart...





...the paint may fade (after 3 weeks sabi nun gumawa) but hopefully "US" won't...




happy 4th anniversary bebeh...



(other pictures posted separately... haha.. first time ko rin mag-spam...=P)

On the way to baguio




si che mei hawak ng cam. tulog ata ako. o papikit pikit. eto ang mga nakita nya...

Monday, November 17, 2008

...drama, comedy, and stuff: it's great to blog again...

i always check out my Y!mail in the office looking to check out new updates on my multiply account. it's partially blocked in the office, so i can't comment but i can view people's profiles and updates... i can't blog in the office because weirdly, they're giving me tons of work... from useless, clerical work, to tiring, but enjoyable, purchasing work, to mind-draining research work... going home, i either go home late because of "quality time" with che, or i hog the TV to watch How I Met Your Mother.

and today, i have nothing better to do, since i don't have the third season of How I Met Your Mother yet, and che and i decided not to see each other today... hence, i blog about what i missed out blogging...


POLITICS

The Euro and the "Lone" Soldier Responsible


Watched the news earlier, and saw that Gen. Dela Paz admitted sole responsibility at the Euro-fiasco. It's a big amount of money, and I don't really think he'd be solely responsible for it... I mean, how the hell did he think he was going to get away with it in the first place without public scrutiny? Now, he expects people to believe that he did it all by himself? heh.. First you "assume" that the public is stupid not to scrutinize you shipping the money out/in, then you "assume" now that the public will believe that it was a selfish act? Please. I haven't really followed this too much, but I get to read some articles about it... The "watch" angle is actually somewhat believeable, but c'mon... If he had money to buy that expensive of a watch, don't you think he has the money to actually pay to travel that far to buy the watch himself? He says he does not benefit from his friendship with Dela Paz, but do you not call him asking his friend, who is using gov't funds to pay for his travel expenses, to buy him an expensive watch "benefitting"? To say that he asked his friend to buy it for him "para makatipid sa pamasahe ng pagpunta dun" is hypocricy. If you're a watch collector, your watches must be some sort of proof that you've been to a particular place, not some expensive piece of item you asked a friend of yours to buy.



The Joc's on You



3 years of waiting for the guy who supposedly must know something that could topple GMA's regime, and all we get is a guy who can't seem to emphasize too much that he has a heart condition. Everytime the camera pans on to him, he holds on to his chest like it was leaving or something. About a week before Joc-Joc arrived, Uncle Jun told me (us: my parents, and Tita Violet over dinner) that he wanted to have a chance to talk to Joc-Joc about laying it all out there... A couple of days before he arrived, an officemate of mine printed out a copy of what it said was an "open letter to Joc-Joc" and set it on my desk... I read it, and from the looks of it, it's legit, and it's an actual letter of Uncle Jun to Joc-Joc... Haven't got the chance to post it still though, I don't have a soft copy, and I don't get the chance to use my computer as much for "personal" typing stuff...

Anyway, I thought he'd be man enough to speak up about what happened about the fertilizer scam, but still, he stands his ground in saying everything was legit. No fingers pointed at the obvious. Bullshit. So, what, he leaves for 3 years to get an acting workshop to sell his heart ailment (ok, fine, he might have a legitimate heart ailment... but selling it over and over? please) and to refine his "calm under pressure" attitude?

As I see it, him coming out tries to prove two things:

1. GMA had nothing to do with the fertilizer scam.


2. You can lie under oath and stay calm about it. This is an attack on Uncle Jun's testimony, with Joc-Joc cracking some jokes here and there as Uncle Jun did before...

I just wish he won't take whatever he has in that freaky white head of his to his grave...



Political Positioning and the Senate Presidency

This is new. Manny Villar resigned as the Senate President. He mentioned in GMA-7's interview with him that 5 presidential aspirants voted him out as senate president. Of the 5, Sen. Ping is included. Sen. Ping whom my dad has supported right from the start. I don't know what they would get out of this. Burning Manny's rep won't earn them votes, talking about Ping and Loren... As it seems, I wouldn't want to vote for either...Why the heck can't they all just get along and set aside political differences to focus on what is at hand? Now, they expect a better performing senate inquiry on 2 cases (Fertilizer and Euro Scam) under the "experienced" Juan Ponce Enrile? Wow. What an improvement indeed.

Approaching 2009, new justices will be appointed, Senate is headed (probably temporarily) by JPE, and the Speaker of the House is another ass-kissing Representative in Nograles. I have no doubt in my mind now that GMA WILL finish her term, and I'm starting to doubt if there will ever be a 2010 election... With the way we're being manipulated now, it seems "tuloy tuloy ang asenso ng bansa, at patuloy pa nating mararamdaman ang asenso!"

Happy, happy, joy, joy...



DRAMA



Why Do You Love?


It's hard to define, loving someone. You do things for him/her you'd do with other friends, you'd say things you'd say to other friends, but nothing beats just being yourself when you're with someone... With friends, you conform, to some extent, to what is in front of you... You laugh with them, have fun with them, talk to them, but it's not easy for you to open up to them for some reason. With a person you love, you just lay it all out... You can be mushy, stupid, witty, smart, and disgusting (its not cute if you get farted on the face... kaya babawi ka sa pamamagitan ng matinding bombang makakapatay ng 2 lamok at 1 bangaw) all at the same time...

Of course, stuff you do may not necessarily mean that you can't experience it with other people. So what difference does the person you love have from your close friends?


Frankly I don't know. If I spent almost 4 years with someone else, I probably would treat her the same way I do Che... She probably would too... But reality is that that "someone" we decided to spend those 4 years on was each other. And us staying together may be because we're too comfortable with each other already, or that we're secured with each other already, but it may also be because we genuinely love each other or we feel that much comfort at the company of the other...

She's not perfect, and she sees flaws in me too. We don't agree on all things (eh ano ngayon kung masarap ketchup ng fastfood?:p), we don't always like the same stuff (koreanovela vs american series), and we don't enjoy the same things (drinking out with friends vs malling/window shopping. ok, I may enjoy the latter at times. But sometimes you wanna see stuff for you din, tulad ng toys and gadgets), but what's important is that we spend that time with each other. And at least we see both sides of things... We have better perspective in life because she doesn't always agree with me and vice versa...

Cliche and mushy as it may seem, I think she completes me... My friends are always there to satisfy pieces of me, but what puts it all together is her...

So I guess that's why I think she is an important piece of my life. There are frustrations, but at the end of the day, those are frustrations I'd rather live with than without...



Risking and Burning


A quote from the series I'm watching:

"ok, yes, it's a mistake, but there are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake, but you don't really know it's a mistake, because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say 'yup, that was a mistake'... so really, the bigger mistake would be not to make the mistake because then you'd go your whole life not knowing if something's a mistake or not"

You gotta make mistakes. It's part of life. You get burned once or twice, or maybe even always, but you don't get to the other side of the cliff if you keep thinking you're not gonna make it on the other side. You just got to do what you got to do. Don't live with the constant fear of burning if you take the risk because you'll never know if you'll actually get burned. You gotta give yourself a chance...

So *insert name here dahil alam mo naman kun sino ka pero kung ndi man ikaw at tinamaan ka eh mabuti na rin at baka makatulong pa seio ito (but i'm curious. itext mo nga ako kun feeling mo ikaw... haha... sasabihin ko seio kung para kanino talaga to.)* we gotta take our chance. Sabi nga ni Imon na sabi daw ni Larry Bird (pota todo quote ah) "just roll the dice"... We will get burned, but we'll never know if we don't go through the flame.=)




RANDOM NOTHINGS



Public Hospitals = Easiest Way to Die

Sinamahan ko si Che sa hospital, sinamahan namin girlfriend ng kuya nya. Wala naman kaming mga pera, so mejo takot kami sa private hospitals na baka holdap abutin namin sa singilan. Pumunta kami sa Pasig General Hospital.

Sa ER:
(3 nurse nagkukwentuhan)
Che: uh, excuse me po...
Nurse: (in the coldest possible voice) Anong problema mo?
Che: (says issue, ndi ko narinig, malayo ako)
Nurse: ah, dun yan sa taas. Labas ka lang tapos punta ka sa mei tapat ng elevator sa 2nd floor.

Sa Lab:
(Mei pinadala sa min papunta sa lab na maliit na papel. Walang tao na makakausap. Mei isa pang manang na mei hawak na test tube na tila puno ng dugo. Pinauna na namin xa. Nun kami na:)
Che: pinadala po sa min to galing sa taas...
Person: (looks at it) teka lang ah (approaches computer) ikaw ba pasyente?
Che: ndi po. nasa taas po xa.
Person: ah... ndi pa kasi pumapasok sa computer un info nya eh...
Che: ah ok. so, pde na po ba namin iwan?
Person: Hintyin nyo na lang..
(after 1 hour or so)
Person: (naka-casual na) una na ko ah (kasuap mga tao sa loob) <casual na tingin sa min, sabay alis>
Che and me: watdahel?

Truth be told, I'm actually amazed that the public hospital isn't technologically outdated... Interconnected mga computer nila so input data sa isang room, mei data makukuha si lab and they could work from there. Ang kaso, ang mga kapansin pansin lang dun ay:

1. Bawal ngumiti kun empleyado ka ng ospital.

2. Lahat ng tao ay dapat tratuhin mo bilang walang perang pambayad.


3. Bawal maging magalang.


4. Mas importante ang gumawa ng magandang pakikisama sa mga katrabaho kaysa ang "problema" ng pasyente.


Sa ER puno ng tao. Mei mga todong tila ginulpi ng limang adik, meron naman parang isa sa mga adik, meron din namang mga talagang kailangan ng kasama dahil tila ndi nya kaya ang sakit na nararamdaman nya... Pero mei oras magchikahan ang tatlong tao sa desk. Pasig pa lang to. Panu kaya ichura ng public hospital sa Maynila?

Kung gusto mo na mamatay ng maaga, eto magandang gawin: Tusukin mo ng kutsilyo kahit anung parte ng katawan mo, basta magdudugo dapat ito. Tapos, takbo ka sa public hospital. At sigurado, aasikasuhin ka nila pagdating ng eksaktong oras na puti ka na sa kawalan ng dugo.



How I Met Your Mother


I just finished watching the last episode of season 2... I still don't have season 3 yet, so here I am blogging...=P It's a great series, but I don't know if the humor fits everyone... It definitely fits my ever-dynamic sense of humor (I get a kick out of My Only U jokes and kiddie jokes, but I also enjoy John Stewart... Polarized enough?) so I'm glued to it...



Gilbert Arenas and his Blog


There was a point in time that I didn't blog with topics. And then I was inspired by Agent Zero himself... I find his lengthy blogs really entertaining, and I read through it... So I thought, as talkative as I am, I think I'd need his type of blogging to make my lengthy blogs somewhat fragmented into stuff I wanna say... Then, it becomes structured as I write it, and structured for the reader to read only the stuff that reader wants to read and skip through everything else that reader doesn't feel he/she is interested in..

After a long hiatus, Gil made a new blog a couple of days back... I read it only earlier today, and I felt like blogging.



Work and Christmas Party


It seems I'm stuck in work... Well, it's not entirely a bad thing. At least I have income while waiting for a new opportunity...

Now, there's gonna be this Christmas Party on Dec. 18th. And what do you know, they hired a voice coach to help us practice for the contests on the 18th... I was supposed to be with the third-party people, but the fragrance team decided they wanted me with them, so they pulled some strings and got me in their group... I should feel happy, right? I don't know. Somehow, I still feel I belong nowhere... I'm not a regular employee, and though the regular employees love me, I can't be part of everything that they do. Hence, I should be creating bonds with the other contractual people, no matter how older they may be from me, because we're in the same situation. But as it seems, I'm being pulled in by people I can't be part of from the people I am actually part of...

But my boss said I should be with their group. So I can't do anything about it..

And the voice coach liked me. And it seems I'd be going solo for a part of the song.

Gotta get my videoke-practiced voice ready for it..

Sunday, November 2, 2008

…happiness and miracles…

We’re good. At last. We talked. And we agreed we need to patch things up piece by piece. Relationships don’t work if they’re too simple.

 

I know I seemed down in the dumps as if we’re through, with no hope for reconciliation, but as I said, it was a necessary time for both of us. I just didn’t know how to deal with stuff on my own. I needed perspective. And I have you, who constantly read my blog and comment, to thank for that.

 

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know who’s supposed to come to who, but I guess with intervention from up above, an opportunity presented itself, and I grabbed it immediately.

 

So now we’re good. My mom was telling me we were fighting over petty things, but like coins, small things can amount to something big if it was collective.

 

 

On Miracles

 

Last year’s F1 season saw a three-way race between McLaren’s Fernando Alonzo and Lewis Hamilton, and Ferrari’s Kimi Raikkonen. I forgot what the exact circumstances were, but the odds were stacked against Kimi. I think it went this way: Lewis was on top of the standings, but he needed to finish 8th or better in order to win the world championship. Alonzo had to finish 5th or better (I think) if Lewis doesn’t finish 8th or better. Kimi was in a must-win race, and he needed the other 2 drivers to finish badly. Basta. Andaming scenarios.

 

And after everything was said and done, Kimi won the world championship, crushing the record-breaking hopes of the rookie Lewis Hamilton and the gunning-for-a-3rd/4th straight-title Fernando Alonzo.

 

Last night, well, midnight actually, I caught the final 15laps of the Brazilian Grand Prix, the last race of the 2008 season. Brazilian native Felipe Massa, Kimi’s teammate at Ferrari, is now chasing the leader and world-champion hopeful for the second straight year, Lewis Hamilton. Massa is bent on winning his home grand prix for the obvious reason that he wants to win the race on his home soil. Hamilton, on the other hand, just needs to finish 5th or better this time in order to win the championship. Commentators were joking around, saying, maybe Hamilton can just let Massa win it and settle for 2nd, after all, he doesn’t need to win the race to become world champion, while it means so much for Massa to win it.

 

Ferrari’s just praying for another miracle, another glitch that would make Hamilton’s race terrible and make him finish 6th or something, so that Massa would win his home race AND the world championship.

 

And miracle came with about 5 or 6 laps to go in the race. Hamilton was running 5th with Timo(?) Glock of Toyota in hot pursuit. Robert Kubica, of BMW, was 1 lap down, and was blocking the way of Hamilton and Glock. Now, if you’re a back marker (1 lap down), you have to let the drivers drive past you, as a rule, since you can’t reach them anyway, and they have a better shot at catching up to the leader than you do. So, Kubica is obliged to let Hamilton and Glock pass, but in the process of doing so, he somewhat blocks Hamilton, and opens up the lane for Glock to pass both Kubica AND Hamilton. People went crazy, Hamilton drops to 6th, Massa is leading the race uncontested, meaning, their hometown hero looks headed to the chequered flag not only as the winner of the race, but also the 2008 world champion.

 

Rain came down hard, and everyone was going wild. Hamilton can’t get a chance to pass Glock, and they’re still bothered by back markers and the heavy rain. On to the final lap, where the crowd is cheering wildly for Massa, and Hamilton still struggling to finds his chances in passing Glock.

 

Massa crosses the line with everyone at the Ferrari pit lane half celebrating, half anxious about Hamilton fnishing 6th. At the final two turns, Glock somewhat pulls away, and Ferrari crew celebrates yet another miracle, and another World Championship stolen from Lewis Hamilton (actually, if Hamilton finished 6th, he’d be tied with Massa. But then, he’d lose the title to Massa because Massa has more grand prix wins.).

 

And then the unthinkable happened. Glock inexplicably slowed down at the final turn, giving way to Hamilton and another driver to pass him, making Hamilton finish 5th. The celebrating Ferrari crew is directed to look at the screen to see Hamilton’s name on 5th position, and the crowd is stunned.

 

No miracles this year, I guess.

 

I’m just happy I had my own already. J

 

 

Fantasy League

 

Trying out the PBA fantasy league now, and it actually sucks. You only get 5 players, and if you pick another player, you lose the player you had before for the rest of the conference. Bummer.

 

But then it’s fun to tweak your lineups a bit. Then pick good players who’d give great value, drop them to get two-better valued players, and stuff like that. I think you’re going to win something if you top the overall rankings (as in play with the 6k++ people registered) but I’m really not that concerned with that, as I started out 1 or 2 weeks late, so I need to make up for lost time. Big time. So my goal right now is to top the league my classmates and I set up and probably use this as training ground to NBA Fantasy league for next season.

 

Anyway, I had Willie Miller on my team. In choosing my team, I had to pick between Jayjay Helterbrand and Willie Miller. After the game last night, I was only too happy that I chose Willie Miller. Jayjay’s line wasn’t bad, Miller’s was just better. :)

 

 

Emo and Sulking

 

I know my past couple of posts were about sulking and being emo, but I guess I don’t have to prolong it. I was thinking of laying off blogging for a while if nothing eventful ever happened, which wouldn’t be surprising considering my ever-exciting job as somewhat of a glorfied bum. I’d probably write more emo stuff, but more on my thoughts, not calling her out. It’s annoying to read emo stuff over and over again.

 

I blog not to seek sympathy or encouragement, but rather perspective. I may be wrong in doing what I’m doing, and I need perspective that is not mine to better understand my predicament. I understand that this may not probably sit well with everyone, but blogging as I do keeps me from slashing my wrists or going insane.

 

A couple of blogs gave me enough perspective to slap my ego silly, and I just had to deal with loneliness. A couple of sulking, down-in-the-dumps blog. One need not blame everything on anyone or everyone. Shit happens. Deal with it.

 

I’m not saying this because I’m done with my ordeal. I just know what pain it is to read an emo blog over and over again. And I was really, really, waiting for something eventful to happen.

 

So instead of time off blogging, eventful things happened, like the race, the overtime game of Alaska and Ginebra (which gave me great fantasy points pick up), the crazy James Yap buzzer beater (which I didn’t get to talk about), and the reconciliation.

 

Again, emo blogs must be >2. Any more is annoying. Don’t be like “Chuck” who had an annoying phase of blogging.

 

 

Yes “Chuck”. That’s why I asked. =P You are/were THE poster boy for emo blogs on the same topic.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

...acting on confusion...

i've taken you out of my contacts. i can't help not to blog every once in a while. but i said i will not bother you ever again, until you're "ready". i don't want to rush things. i don't want you seeing any of my blogs popping out in the first page of your multiply updates. i don't want you to see me. a month short of 4 years could take out a lot from your identity. i have shortcomings, i know, i'm not perfect, but i want to become a better person, not just for you, but for me as well...


i feel like i've been wronged, but i don't need an apology. i feel like i did something, but i don't know what to seek forgiveness from. i miss you but it would seem i'm rushing you if i tried to talk to you right now. im praying, wishing, and hoping to hear from you, but i don't know if you've had enough time yet. i want to see you, but i don't know what to tell you.


i don't like the idea of "cool off" because i see it as an excuse for one to fool around with others, and if that doesn't work out, there's still the "cooling off" partner securely waiting for you to come back. but for this case, i'll make an exception, because i trust that you are not that type of person. i've known you well enough.


if you're reading this, you're probably logged in a different account. or you're probably wondering why you can't see my blogs. hence, i posted this for everyone to see. as you're no longer in my network. no me whatsoever.



all the space you'd need right there...




this blows. but i have t o endure. if only for you. know that i long for you, but i understand the necessity of what is happening.


i hope it doesn't take forever for you to find yourself...

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on being dispensible

it sucks to know that in this temporary life, you are dispensible no matter how much you've done for something or someone. it snaps you back to the reality that you are not as important as you think you are.

jason kidd carried the new jersey franchise on his back for so many years. and then last year, he got traded to dallas. similarly, devin harris was dubbed "the future" of the mavs organization, thinking he was an untouchable commodity in the lineup, only to be packaged with a couple of other players in that same deal.

wowee de guzman was a matinee idol of sorts back in the day. he had the universal motion dancers, a popular dance group which was even more popular than the street boys. he was paired up with judy ann santos, an up and coming young actress. all seemed well for wowee, but then hardly anyone knows him now, nor does anybody know the success the universal motion dancers had before over the streetboys (they even had a movie together with gary v)... judy ann santos would later go on to enjoy the success that she has now.

every once in a while, i think that i'm indispensible to my company. i hate it there, but i don't know if they'd get a guy like me again to make them work as efficient. then again, who am i but just another person in the 8billion filipinos around the world. i can be replaced anytime.

i love her, i know how to take care of her, and i don't know if she'd meet someone else like me who'd do all the things i do for her... but then again, i am not irreplacable.


and it sucks to know that the world goes on long after i'm gone...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

...the house bunny and choosing to stay than to work...

che and i watched the premiere of the house bunny. it was a really funny movie from start to finish, and

======================================================

shelley, the main protagonist, was an orphan who eventually ended up in the playboy mansion... upon turning 27 and given the party of her life, she was asked to leave the house that she has known for all her life...

she would eventually wind up in a college sorority house, which, she says, is like a "mini playboy mansion"... she gets rejected by the populars, but was accepted by the losers who were in desperate need of help to save their house... her ways become embraced by the losers, because, they say, she knows boys... she actually calls herself an "expert" with boys...

then she meets oliver, a nice man who manages a nursing home.. they go out sometime, with shelley trying to get oliver to like her by using her "tricks"... oliver wasn't pleased, and eventually left shelley... the girls then thought they could help her, and they tried to make her decent and stuff.. eventually, that failed too...

sure, in the end they still wound up together, with oliver actually knowing who shelley really was.... they started all over again...

=========================================================

mindless as it may be, it actually made a lot of sense to me...

having met a wide variety of people, i tend to categorize them and generalize what type of person they are. and at times, i turn out to be right... then stuff happen to me, which i try to handle using these "generalizations" i've created in my mind... and i turn out to be wrong... then i get burned...

here are some things i learned from the movie:

1. i learned that people were not meant to be read and given judgement before they even try to present themselves to you... each person was made unique, and may probably have some same characteristics as one, but certainly not exactly the same.... you're free to judge whatever from the outside, but if it involves you already, you gotta learn to step back and find a different perspective to better decide on what you're  suposed to do...


2. i learned that you don't have to adjust to the needs of the other person if you really love him/her... always "assuming" that what you're doing is "liked" by the the person you love doesn't always translate to good things...

==============================================================

i understand, i truly do. but how do you hold back tears even if you "understand" that someone has died? emotions are completely distinct from from your rational capacities. you can't force yourself to be happy that someone has died, can't force yourself to smile if you're actually disappointed.

heck, now i understand why "the truth shall set you free"... uttering it only cuts you lose from everyone you clung yourself to...

==============================================================

its 3am. i can't sleep. i won't go to work. i want to go somewhere. me and my penguin. for air. for thoughts.


for...hope...

and probably for a name for my penguin...

==============================================================

@olgado: pota. offensive foul si kidd. pota.