...mentos...

sige nga... makipagpaligsahan ka sa paggawa ng bagay bagay sa pamamagitan ng nginuyang mentos..:p

random pix...

oo na, nag-away kami... pero ok na... sabi ni che post ko daw pix namin bilang proeba.:p haha.... ung ndi kilalang tao, utol nya...

...blog, tong-its, kimi and WORK...

<background cheer: go! depensa!!>
away blog walang mapapala. lilinawin ko lang, di ko ipiapaalam sa mundo ang hinanakit ko sa buhay, dahil alam ko namang wala silang magagawa para maresolbahan ang problema ko. pag oras lang ang kaibigan mo, at wala kang magawa sa buhay, kakausapin mo na lang ang sarili mo. "blog" ang pakikipag-usap ko sa sarili ko. ngayong binabasa mo ito, iyon ay marahil isa ka sa mga taong ito:

!.  wala ka rin magawa at gusto mo ring mangialam ng buhay ng mei buhay
2. interesado ka talagang malaman ang buhay ng taong pinag-babasahan mo ng blog
3. natuwa ka minsan sa pagsusulat ng taong ito kaya naisip mong basahin ang iba pa nyang ginawa
4. natuwa ka sa title, kala mo mei sense.
5. kaaway mo sa pulitika ang taong ito kaya gusto mo hanapan ng butas para masiraan
6. stalker ka.
7. trabaho mo talagang magbasa ng blog at i-ban ang mga miyembrong bastos mag-blog.


ang blog ay ginawa ko. pero naseio pa rin kun gusto mo basahin. kung #2 o #3 ka ngayon, maraming salamat. pero choice mo naman ulit kun maaapektuhan ka, kun magrereply ka, tutulong ka, o kun anu pa man. kun wla naman nagbabasa nito kundi ako lang, wala rin problema. basta nailabas ko ang naisip ko. ang punto, ang blog ay hindi nangangalabit. kun nangalabit man ito, tao pa rin naman ang pipili kun lilingunin ito o ndi... kya di ko ipinagmamalaki sa mundo ang mga problema ko sa buhay. sa sarili ko lang. bahala na ang tao kun gusto nya makialam.

pero di ako galit. gusto ko lang sabihin yan. sayang eh... defensive pa naman ako... hehe...labyu beh... at di tulad ng ibang nasabi, sinabi ko na yan bago pa mailagay dito...


after word wars, picture picture ulit. and we move on....


mei tuna sashimi tatay ko sa bahay. sayang naman kun di gagawin pulutan. buraot naman kun kwentuhan lang kami kasabay ng inuman, kaya nag tong-its kami! haha.... matagal na ko di natatalo at pag kinakapos na ko ng funds eh nagiging source of income ito... pero nun binigyan ako ng pera at nagsugal ako gamit ito, ayun, nabawasan pa.... greed nga naman... peste....



news of the week: Kimi Raikkonen snatches F1 title from promising young Lewis Hamilton and defending champion Fernando Alonso by the slimmest of margins: 1 point.


exciting kaya... kahit mei tama ako gusto ko abangan eh... ang galing kasi 3rd si Kimi sa standings tapos 2 "ifs" lang ang chance nya para manalo xa ng championship. un lang, nadali nya un 2 "ifs" na un... mahusay... ok sana si Lewis manalo kasi F1 history un, rookie-champ, youngest pa... basta wag lang si Alonso. yabang eh.... kahit na nakakatamad manood ng F1 minsan, exciting ngaung wala na si Schumi... walang matinding lamang sa standings... nakakatuwa kasi kailangan bawat point nitong huling race ng season... asteeg.... hehe....


nakarinig nanaman ako ng sermon.... ang pihikan ko kasi sa trabaho eh... pang-call center nga lang ata talaga trabaho ko... kun san san ako nag-aaply lahat "tawagan ka na lang namin" pero bago un ang pinaka huling linya sa kin "we will review this, because I don't think your course is in line with what we are looking for" normally sa HR post. ayaw ko na ng CSR. peste eh. nakakabobo. MedRep naman, ok sana, ako lang tong gago na ganito ang minsang ginawa:

HR: "are you willing to be assigned to anywhere in the country? for example, three years in Cabanatuan?"

me: "I'd like to answer yes, but no. I quit my first and only job because I didn't have enough time for my family and friends due to the night shift. By being assigned to a new place, I could easily say that I would take it as an adventure, but at the same time, I am aware that saying and doing are two different things. I once left a promising start in my previous occupation due to having no time with those people who matter to me, so I fear that I might end up doing the same here."


sinabi ko sa magulang ko at iba tito, ndi daw ako makukuha sa ganun. alam ko. kun HR din ako di ako kukuha ng taong ndi pala sigurado kun magatatagal xa eh... baka gastos lang sa min... pero pota, kun maging HR ako gusto ko pa rin i-consider un... i don't like the idea of sucking up to the company you're applying for to get the job... in all honesty i say what i want to say so that if ever i get hired, they know the type of person i am....


but frankly that's not getting me anywhere right now... the thing that i'm sure of right now is that MedRep is a 25% possibility, CSR is 1%, HR is 50% possibility, writing is 25% possibility, and others would be at 24% for me.... kaso sa totoong buhay: MedRep 30% (depende sa lugar at dahil mapili ako...half-hearted talaga ko.. kotse lang habol ko dun...), CSR 68% (dahil kahit high school pde na), and others 2%...


pero pota, pag mei opportunity ulit na kumatok, tatanggapin ko na.... kalilimutan ko na muna ang putanginang prinsipyo nang pagiging tapat sa gusto mo talagang sabihin at sisipsip na lang ako sa ina-applyan ko para lang makakuha na ng trabaho... kun sa ibang lugar man eh titiisin ko na lang.... kesa araw-araw kang masumbatang walang silbi sa bahay pero sa ibang tao nagsisilbi...

...susuko ka na lang ba...?

Peste. di ako mkatulog. sabi ko bukas na magreply pero eto ako't nakahiga sa kama,nag-aantay ng reply. malungkot ako. dismayado. galit siguro. pero sigurado ko lang,di ako masaya.

matutuwa ka ba sa ganitong buhay?:

---walang trabaho pero araw araw pine-pressure na magkaron.
---Walang pera dahil walang trabaho.
---Nakasira ng dalawang sasakyan na sa parehong magulang.(1 each)
---Takot mag-aral dahil takot mapahiya.
---Mei mga tumitingala't humahanga pero wala namang ipagmamalaki.
---Graduate pero tila walang wastong trabahong pwedeng pasukin.
---Mei minamahal pero mas matimbang ang hiya nito kaysa sa sariling nyang kapakanan.

Susuko ka na lang ba? Ako parang gusto na.

Isa na lang nagpapasaya sa kin,un ay un mei minamahal at mei nagmamahal. Alam ko madami na kaming sakripisyo sa bawat isa pero sa pagdedesisyon talaga sa mga bagay bagay mejo nahihirapan akong umintindi. Ewan. Gago din siguro ako, di ko sinabi lahat nang to nun magkaharap pa kami. Duwag nga siguro ako. Isang gagong nanghihingi ng pawang katotohanan sa sinisinta, pero di naman kayang tanggapin ang katotohanang ibinibigay nya, at di naman kayang magpahiwatig ng katotohanan sa tamang oras. Peste. Ambobo ko.

Sa lahat ng pangyayari sa buhay ko, parang isa na lang ang umiiral ng maayos. Tapos ngayon naiipit nanaman sa isang hangganang di mo malaman kung sino ang tama sa mali. Maghiwalay man kami, ndi naman kami magiging mas maayos na tao o ka-relasyon dahil pareho naming iniisip na tama ang panig namin sa kaguluhang to.

Peste. Dito ko lang pala gagamitin ang apat na taong pamimilosopiya sa kolehiyo. Sa pagmuni-muni ng buhay na di malaman kun san tutungo. Buti kung kumikita ako dito.

...failure...

I once said that death is my biggest fear. Why? I don't know. I fear the unknown: do devout Muslims go to heaven? Are devout Christians reincarnate? Would Buddhist monks be rewarded by Allah? What happens after you die? Is it complete darkness, or do we wake up as a completely different person? So many questions one might be able to answer after he dies.    

Right now I'm jobless. I left my call center job because it doesn't feel right. I studied 4 years of philosophy only to answer calls and taking crap from racist Americans who are too lazy, if not stupid, to read their contracts before they sign it. Now, after a month being laid off, I'm almost desperate finding a job. "Candidate must possess high scholastic records". I don't have that. I spent my college life serving a community that I grew to love, yet I feel that love went unnoticed. So many people believed that I could be the next president of AB, and I worked  towards fulfilling that trust given to me. Apparently, those "many people" were not enough for me to win that position. I spent my years trying to serve that community because I knew I wouldn't be able to get such high grades. I focused on other things. Now, it seems to haunt me. People I served who I thought would be able to help me get somewhere seems lost. Sometimes, I refuse to seek help because of pride. As a result, I am nothing more than a satisfactory Philosophy graduate who has no job and only has a brief stint in a call center to mention as his job experience.

"Mag-aral ka na nga lang ulit! Mag-law ka na. Kesa wala ka namang ginagawa dito sa bahay. Papaaralin ka na lang namin ulit habang kaya pa namin. Wala pa sa mga pinsan mo ang mei ipagyayabang talaga."   

i wanted to pursue law. I really did. But I think after considering my life in college politics and those I learned in Philo, the whole point of me going to law school was gone. I know law is not all about politics, but my drive in entering law was trying politics out. Now that that's gone, I don't think its still for me, law, that is. Maybe I'm also afraid of failing the bar exams.

Now, thinking about it, death isn't my biggest fear, failure is. Failure by not meeting expectations set by people for me. Failure by not achiving my dreams. Failure by not living a better life than my parents.

Dying as a failure.

Now I understand that that is my biggest fear. And if  pressure could kill, I'm almost as good as dead. 

...honesty: best virtue?...

Would you want to hurt the one you love?

About honesty and truth, there are several words to live by. Let me try to enumerate some: 

"the truth shall set you free"

"honesty is the best policy"

"truth hurts"

"what you don't know will hurt you"

"walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag"

minsan,nag-away magulang ko. Nagdududa na baka mei iba sya.

Ma: "Sabihin mo lang totoo,hindi naman ako magagalit eh.. Gusto ko lang malaman totoo."

pa: "oo na, sige. Merong iba."

Ma: "hayuup! (Beats pa's chest while crying)"

...and that was the start of the never ending trial of Arturo Lozada. A "Not guilty" plea is always a lie for the accuser, and most of the time, it is. Once, pa confided to me his philosophy(in this context,used as 'Way of life') that "Kung makakalusot, eh di ok." sometimes, i would like to believe that had he not admitted his relationship with that other woman and just put a stop to it, they would not go through what they are going through right now.. But then again, that's their problem. My dad is to selfish to let go of one of them because, he said, he has 2 kids with that woman.. However, most of the time, you would doubt that that is his main reason. On the other side of things, my mom refuses to give everything a rest. Though at times her hunches are correct, by not giving it a rest, she's looking for trouble she doesn't want to have. Its pretty messed up, and everything started with admitting something.

Now, on my own part, che and i sometimes do have our differences. Most of the time, i blame her because she doesn't say what she truly feels while i lash out everything i feel. Now, its improving. She does say what she truly feels. And there are times that i don't feel too good about it. Honesty's so freakin double edged. What the hell is it good for if it just hurts either way?

...accidents accidents....

Overjoyed by the DLSU win, my dad, his bro, his bro's girlfriend and I, had about 2 buckets of beer at Rasa's.. after that, tongits with cousins and titas + drinks... my ICT friend's birthday was also on that day... though i did not commit myself to going, but for old time's sake...


going home, driving with alcohol in my veins, i was with 2 of joey's friends... i know the road home, so i passed the 2 others i was on a convoy with... i stopped at a traffic light. and they caught up to me.. one of them kept honking his horn, so i moved forward...



i hit a freakin steel wall... road was under repair. i didn't see. my window tint was too dark and my freakin clutch wasn't working fine. i hit the brakes, but since i couldn't shift back to neutral or back to my first gear, my car still jumped a bit forward, so one of those walls fell down on my hood, smashing my windshield. it also dented the paint job on my hood. f*ck it... the only thing that was running through my head was that i already wrecked a car before... not again...


hay.... kung mamalasin ka nga ba naman o... pag-uwi ko nagsabi agad. nagdrive ako pauwi nan unti unti lumalaki butas ng windshield ko dahil nalalaglag sila.. bawat lubak, bawat humps, mei nalalaglag... bits ng bubog kumakalat sa kin... di ko tinanggal salamin ko kahit na sobrang labo na nya dahil baka mei pumasok na bubog sa mata ko... paksyet tlga... tapos alam pala nilang mei problema un clucth... sinabi sa kin tapos na lahat... kun alam ko di sana di na ko tumuloy... tangna tlga...