His message went something like "so you ended up as a sales executive? What a joke! You acted like you'd be someone big back in college, but that's what you end up as?"
For the record, I didn't piss much people off in college. I may be tactless, but I know when to be. Besides, I had to have an extra layer of nice in me back in college because of politics. When I'm with friends, I can freely act like an ass. Given this, and knowing this kid was a stranger from college, it was a huge surprise he had these strong feelings.
His message was laden with profanity and it was so old I couldn't even pull it up from my archives. I decided not to dignify it with a reply, and I really just buried it from my memory, knowing it would be an insignificant part of my life. However, today, I decided to write about it. Not because it scarred me all these years, but rather because I wanted to focus on his perception.
Today, I turn 31 years old. I work part-time as a cashier at a Filipino restaurant here in Singapore. Prior to that, I was unemployed for 8 months, after leaving what seemed to be a "useless" sales job (for my stranger, at least) back in the Philippines. On paper, my career seems like it has gone to shit. I am almost inclined to believe that it has, considering I haven't had many interview requests despite my constant applications. Having a Philosophy degree isn't exactly an express pass to the corporate world, especially in a first world country that relies heavily on their filters to meet candidates they think fit their needs.
I should feel like a failure, like that stranger wanted so bad for me to feel. Yet, here I am, happy. Sure, I could be happier, but I'm happy enough to not feel like a failure.
Success is Subjective
Success is a word I've found difficult to define. When I describe it, I can only name a handful of people, but somehow, others may find something lacking in their lives.
Success, as defined by dictionary.com reads:
noun
1. the favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors; the accomplishment of one's goals.
2. the attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like.
The first definition is subjective. In the second, the aforementioned handful may have attained, and I clearly have not. And yet, some people act like my stranger and shit on their accomplishments.
I think, then, that success is subjective. There is no way to absolutely achieve it because it will always be subjected to another's personal goals; apparently for both you and them. You may be the best athlete on the planet on the best team in all of sports, but for a scientist who devoted his or her life to finding the cure for cancer, you have wasted your life.
Conventional wisdom equates success to having money. However, to earn money, one needs to have an above average occupation. Having the said occupation requires one to spend time working, depriving that person of time to travel (something those working their asses off want to achieve) or to spend time with their families (with family being a reason these same people are working their asses off in the first place).
A Failure for Anyone Else
I understand, then and even now, that I couldn't possibly measure up to the expectations of my stranger. He clearly had no idea how much I was earning in my "useless" sales job, nor did he have any idea what I wanted to do with my life.
Back in college, I tried to convince my fellow students that I was the best man to serve them. I didn't realize that it set a bar for at least one of them that I wouldn't achieve. It even went to the extent of him letting me know about it years later.
However, even back then, I have come to the realization that no matter how successful I think I have become, I will be a failure for anyone else. My goals will always be different from everyone else's. Even if I had a "better" life than what I have now, there will still be those who think that I should be better than what I ended up being.
Well, looking at where I am right now, I didn't give these people a high standard.
Happiness
Looking back, I never had a particular dream that I built my whole life to be. I didn't grow up wanting to be something. Career-wise, I wanted to end up what I thought I needed to end up as. As a kid it was to be an engineer because my dad was one; before high school, I thought I needed to be a programmer because people were taking notice of computers and I thought I was pretty good at it; before college, I thought the country needed a change so I wanted to work my way up to presidency.
While I am way too far off from being any of those, I was brought up in such a way that led me to aim for personal goals.
I wanted a relationship where I could tell my kids how awkward their mom was when we first met. I wanted to be a dad. I wanted to be a significant part of my kid's life as he or she grew up. I wanted to grow old with someone who I'd be happy to be with even after our kids left us.
At 31, I am happily married to a girl I got together with more than 12 years ago. From listening to her petty school problems and irrational fears, I have enjoyed being her outlet for work frustrations and random pet peeves. And in a couple of months' time, I am going to be a father. That's three ticks on my personal goals.
People can have their opinion on how I failed in life, but no one can dictate how happy I am with it right now. While some people spend their lives working towards an idea of success planted in them by others, I think I have reached a certain degree of it based on how I define it.
I know that there will be more challenges as the years go by, and that this is by no means near the finish line. But hey, I just turned 31.
And right now, this is what matters; this makes me happy:
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