...Of Dead Ends and Identity...

I was looking for blogs I could use to land me a writing job, so I browsed through my Multiply site, and read some entries of a while back. I don't feel my more recent posts are good enough, and there's that feeling of having exhausted my creativity some time last year. I think I write best when my blogs are emotionally-charged, which I don't think I've been for the past several months. I can't even make an interesting FB status anymore. Heck, I don't even have a witty description of myself for my FB page. I've been writing for the sake of having something to say, and not writing to express myself. Weirdly, those two seem totally distinct for me right now. 

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Of Deep Pits and the Light of Hope

Speaking of old blog posts, I realize I've been ranting about this job of mine since my FIRST contract renewal back in October of 08. And I've been saying I'm going to save up for myself starting God-knows-when. Fast forward to present date: I'm still in the same position, still on contract, and still paying 200+ on bank charges every month because I can't keep a 2k maintaining balance on my personal account. 

I'm learning the hard way that it's difficult to find a job for a Philosophy graduate who's not interested in pursuing further studies in Philosophy or Law. And with every job interview I go into, it's being more apparent that I'm not going to succeed in the marketing industry because of my educational background, and I can't even use my long tenure in a multinational company as grounds for other companies to take me in for their marketing department because of my company's seemingly alien nature to others' businesses (I mean, really, when I say manufacturing company, what comes to mind?). 

I've said countless times that if I become a sportswriter, I will be happy and contented despite the expected low pay. (I am looking at Quinito Henson and recently, that Nathanielz guy as inspiration. I hate them. And I feel that unless new people rise up, they will continue calling different sports events. Boom Gonzalez, with his great modulated voice but Atenean bravado(sorry, ever since the Uncle Jun conflict, I've been all negative to Ateneo. But really, most of it comes from my UAAP passion.) and bias, comes in at a close third.) But I don't know. My Summit application was a bust, and my Mega application has yet to have any news. Jobstreet's ad for a sportswriter for NL Crewnews hasn't hit me back yet, and I shot down my best chance to be a writer when I turned down a late offer by a company around Tektite (I wouldn't have, but I just signed a new contract that kept me here for the next 4 months) for a web content writer. 

Feeling so desperately in need of a job, I am almost looking into quitting this job entirely, and making a living out of playing poker. Then came that fateful day when my sister brought me to Metro Card Club. I lost about 900 in about an hour and a half trying to read opponents. Then I realized I probably am not that great of a player yet to make a living out of it. 

A couple of weeks back, my uncle talked to me about career. He's been trying to get me to work with him for the longest time. I didn't want to just yet, knowing full well that if I take that job, it'll be for the long haul, considering he's family. Yet, looking at my bleak options, I've decided to take up his offer: if after my 2nd 4-month contract with my current agency expires, and the company hasn't found a way to keep me here as a permanent employee, then I'll be joining his company, a distributor of the current company I'm working in. I'll be a sales rep for him, probably.

So after ranting about where I've been for the past couple of years, there's finally going to be a sure movement in my professional career. By September, I'm finally getting out of this shithole. 

...Although, yes, I'm going to be a bit torn. No more getting paid for sleeping and Facebooking. 

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Hi, I'm Voltaire!

It might be a lame-ass reason for being an employee working in the corporate world, but I've always sort of envied people who had an ID or calling card. To some extent, I missed having what I called a "tut-tut" ID back in ICT. It somehow gave me a sense of belongingness in an organization. I mean, not everyone can access some of the doors in offices, but I'm one of those who can. Having that ID kinda made me feel like I'm not like everyone else who walks in and logs in on the guard's logbook. 

And the calling card. Heck, it's pretty stupid. I can make a calling card of my own if I wanted to. But actually representing a company? Tsk. I want that. The idea of swapping cards with a friend and not having to pull up my mobile phone to register his/her number. Swapping cards seem more professional. 

Right now, I'm a calling card-less person whose ID is a laminated piece of cardboard, showing an agency that is best known for providing quality janitorial and clerical service people to different buildings and companies. I can't even wear that ID to get me in our building, thinking I'd be mistaken for a janitor or something. I mean, no offense, but it really is degrading to be stopped by building security, with you all looking professional, and then having to pull out an ID bearing my agency's name, and then having a janitor wearing the same ID.

I know who I am, but like Spongebob, who lost his ID once, I feel like I'm nobody if I don't have something that says who I am.