With no regard for any of that, I personally loved that film. When One More Chance came out, I was at an age where people could easily relate to the situations presented. So relatable in fact, that we almost thought the story of one of my couple friends (broken up then, but married now) inspired the flick.
"Tadhana" doesn't pick up on the story of the movie. It picked up ON the movie, pretty much like how some lonely hearts (and not so lonely hearts like myself) watch it over and over just because, si John Lloyd yun eh, tagos.
Inspired by the movie and the month of hearts, I dust off my personal blog to share some random musings brought about by the movie, looking back at past experiences that may have crossed my mind while I was watching it.
(May contain spoilers for the movie. Must not discourage you from still watching it. I'd watch it again.)
On Heartbreak
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| Videoke is an awesome outlet of heartbreak. (Image from: http://www.wheninmanila.com/that-thing-called-tadhana-hugot-overload-we-can-all-relate-to/) |
It hurt like hell because I didn't know what I did wrong. After the initial shock and tears, we got back to how we were used to, albeit some changes. I wasn't as submissive as before, as I didn't think I needed to go shopping with her. I mean, what guy can stand shopping with a girl if he doesn't need to? Still, we would go out to dinner at times (mostly with our eternal third wheel and future "Best Girl" - title subject to change) and I'd still take her home as if nothing happened. Well, I did talk to her dad about us breaking up.
Considering this, the events that happened next were pretty bad on my part.
I met a girl through a friend, in a birthday of another friend who's in our closely-knit group. She was, I thought, the embodiment of my ideal girl. We went on a couple of dates, and in between I saw my fiancee (my ex at the time) for dinners and even a (group) movie date. After one of those dinners was the coldest conversations I've had with someone:
Me: Gusto mo pa bang maging tayo ulit?
Her: Um... oo.
Me: Ako kasi, ayoko na.
Then I went on to explain how I met this girl and stuff. Of course, that did not go well. She proceeded to tell me that we shouldn't be talking anymore, that we shouldn't be having those dinners, and it would be best to cut off all communication and our social media ties. I did, because it was the least I could do for her after what I told her.
The other girl knew that I just came out of a five-year relationship. Our friends told her about it. I told her that it's also why I am a bit hesitant to make any move. She told me that the best way to forget someone is to meet someone new.
I disagreed. I didn't want to forget. I wanted to make new memories. We can't "forget" people. They came into our lives to help shape who we are as individuals. She was a big part of my life, and this new girl is someone I liked because I did, and not just because I wanted to forget.
She eventually went back abroad, as she only came here to visit. She eventually decided she didn't want another long distance relationship, and ended whatever form of communication we had.
It hurt, sure. Did I want to forget her? Of course not. But I did want to move on from her.
On Moving On
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| I have reason to believe that Popoy invented this rule. (Image from: http://www.wattpad.com/33311641-the-3-month-rule-a-blog-broken) |
People confuse "moving on" and wanting to "forget" someone. I think it's why so many people fail at moving on; they focus on wanting to forget when what they should be doing is accepting the reality that's staring right at them.
Mace did it in the movie. She was hurt badly by her John Lloyd look-a-like boyfriend, and did everything she could to forget him. Ultimately, she couldn't even say a word when Anthony said he was going.
I didn't throw away five years of our relationship down the drain when I met another girl during that post-breakup stage of our relationship. I valued it so much that I didn't want to make the same mistakes I did that might have pushed her away. I didn't forget her. I treasured all the memories we had together, and honored her by drinking from two straws as she always did.
Even for a short while, I was struck by the other girl. My basic Facebook stalking skills led me to discover that upon cutting all social media ties, she already had a boyfriend. It surprisingly hurt pretty bad, but it was easier to move on from her at the time.
Moving on means getting on with your life. I'm not saying you shouldn't be hurt because of a break up, all I'm saying is there's no "right" time to move on. In One More Chance, it's three months. In Tadhana, it didn't matter, as long as you forget.
I don't think you can ever forget someone. However, it will be up to you when you're ready to accept the fact that what's done is done so that you could move on with your life. It doesn't have to be with another person, it could be just by yourself. Never think that happiness is dependent on another person.
If you try too hard to find love, you probably wouldn't find it. You might even be blinded by your desperation that you'd fail to see the intentions of someone. When you start loving yourself, you get to enjoy life, and having someone come along will just be a bonus.
On Fate
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| Thinking, looking, and hoping will lead to nowhere. (Image credit: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/alex-furmansky/top-5-ways-to-get-back-in_b_3901033.html) |
It was a fun time when I was single. The pain inspired me to write some of the blogs I'd like to re-read. I had a lot of free time I spent with friends. I worried about nothing.
I forgot how my ex and I got back to talking again. Maybe it's because of a blog we each wrote that seemed similar to each other. The point is, we got to talk again. Was it fate?
As romantic as the idea of fate is, I don't think it's as predestined as we think it is. We're not "meant" for anyone, we make ourselves believe that we are. Fate, I think, is like horoscopes and personality tests; we just associate what we learn from it with our experiences.
Fate is the romantic equivalent of chance or luck. You're walking around and pick up a piece of paper to throw in the trash can, then realize it's a 1000-peso bill. You say it's luck. Anthony sees a fellow Pinoy trying to fit her stuff in her luggage and approaches her to help, leading to the whole trip that would make the movie.Why does that have to be fate? Can't it also be luck?
She's lucky he went along with him and didn't take advantage of her misery. He's lucky to have had the purest intentions and had the girl trust that he did. It's a story of luck, but it's more appealing to call it "fate" or "tadhana."
Fate is what we want to believe it is. In this age of social media, how many overly romantic couples have you seen profess their love for their "one true love" or "destiny" only to see them break up a few months after? Fate-fate tapos pag hiwalay na, kelangan sumigaw sa Sagada para makalimot?
Mace said it best in the movie:
“Alam mo yung sabi nila na “Kapag kayo, kayo talaga.” Tangina, nakaka-gago yun. Bakit ko iaasa ‘yon sa isang bagay na hindi ko naman nakikita? Kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo. Habulin mo. Gawin mong lahat para bumalik siya sa’yo.”
Romantic flicks can sell us the idea of fate. However, in reality, the best fate can do is bring people together. What happens next is is totally up to the people involved.
There wouldn't be a movie if Anthony didn't come up to Mace. Most romantic flicks we watch usually end with "happily ever after," giving viewers the idea that they'll live a perfect life. There's is no perfect life like some movies would like us to believe, much like it's impossible to believe that from the airport in Rome to their trip to Sagada Anthony and Mace didn't have to take a trip to the crapper.
Everyone's happy the first time they get together with someone. Don't find the "perfect" partner who has no flaws for your "happily ever after." Find the partner who makes you happy but whose flaws you're willing to accept.
On Making It Work
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| The two people involved in the relationship should work together for it to work. (Image from: http://rebloggy.com/post/gif-love-relationship-couple-gifs-black-and-white-movie-hands-hand-my-posts-ho/33440179246) |
When we got back together, I think we were less mushy but more realistic. We weren't teenagers wanting to go against all odds, we were a young couple enjoying the fruits of our labor. There were no more twice-a-month monthsaries like we used to have back when we first got together, I even forgot the exact date we actually got back together.
What was important was we were together again. We knew each other better, because we had the chance to get to know our own selves better.
Two years after getting back together, she wanted to break up again for the same reason she wanted to break up before; space. No matter what semantics was used, it was the same.
The length of a relationship shouldn't keep you from staying in it if you can't make it work. As in the movie, Mace's eight year relationship ended with just seven words. Kung wala na, wala na. Pwedeng ipaglaban, pero kung hindi na kayang lumaban nung isa, tama na.
Seven years into the relationship, we're back to where we were when we were at our five year mark. I couldn't understand it. Unlike the first time when I hurt her, I didn't give her the opportunity to decide our future on her own.
Me: Gusto mo pa bang maging tayo?
Her: (nods head)
Me: Pwes, wag mong gawin to. Pag ayaw mo na, tama na. Wag mong sabihing ayaw mo na pero aasa ka pa rin na magkakabalikan pa tayo. Bitaw kung bitaw. Kung gusto mo pa, then let's make this work.
Since that day, we've made it work.
I'd be lying if I said that the length of the relationship didn't play a role in wanting to keep it. More than that though, I stayed with her that long because I wanted to grow old with her. She wanted a future with me too, and that was reason enough for me to fight for our relationship.
Relationships are a two-way street. While it's good that one of the two is submissive, that one can't always give way. Of course you need to make your relationship work, but if the other party isn't putting in as much effort, pagpapakatanga na yan.
On Taking the Next Step
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| Of course, we all want the better love story. (Image from: https://www.pinterest.com/explore/humor-relationship-quotes/) |
Mace confessed that she was only waiting for her boyfriend of eight years to pop the question, and she would've let everything go for him. He didn't, insisting that he's working for their future. Eventually she decided to surprise him, only to be surprised herself with what she found out.
When our friends were getting married around us, my girlfriend was vocal about wanting to settle down as well. I was vocal in insisting that I wasn't ready because we weren't ready. I told her that she could look for someone else if she already wanted to get married because I sure wasn't, considering our lifestyle and her dreams.
I've been blessed to have had someone like her. She wanted to do so much in her life, but always thought about us in her decisions. After years of holding back, she finally got the courage to pursue one of her dreams; making it in another country.
Long distance relationships don't usually work. Talking about how long the other person will be away is not the way to go because those deadlines aren't usually followed. One of you has to be ready to leave everything behind to be with the other, because at some point, there will be a need for it.
Mace was at a stalemate with her boyfriend because she had a promising career she didn't want to leave here, while her boyfriend's contract was extended in Rome. She said she was ready if he popped the question, but he didn't.
It makes sense for her to not let go of her own career, if only for the possibility that her boyfriend would leave her. We go back to the earlier point about loving yourself - your happiness shouldn't be dependent on another.
I'm in a pretty stable job here. She was too. But she wanted to do so much more. I didn't want to hold her back, so I let her go. I didn't let her go in the "kung kayo, kayo" sense, nor was it in the "8 years naman na kami" way that Mace thought. I saw it more as another step in our relationship than a challenge to it.
Once she had her feet planted there, I needed to prepare myself to let go of what I have. It's not that I'm less driven, but I recognize the better opportunity. I do have passions I want to pursue myself, but settling down was a bigger priority for me. I couldn't do that with her just telling me about her dreams. She needed to do it. And when she did, I felt that we were ready.
I didn't want to end up in a stalemate. I decided to be with her even if it meant leaving everything else behind. I asked for her hand on the night of November 27, 2014.
I'm thankful that we got this far. I'm optimistic that we'll go further. I wanted to grow old with her, and we're taking our next steps in achieving that dream.
Happy Valentine's Day :)
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