...Conversations: On Happiness, Faith, and a Lazy Society...

When I became a houseband, I thought I'd have plenty of time writing random blogs such as these, because I was able to make a lot back then. However, all the mobile gaming, the baby playing, and the writing assignments got in the way. Besides, Facebook offers long posts now so I get to semi-blog there.

Life becomes uneventful at home in a different country; not much interaction with strangers or new clients as before, and not much deep talks with friends over alcohol. That doesn't give me a lot to work on in terms of content.

There are a some conversations I had recently that I thought could be bundled together as a blog.

A Conversation on Happiness

Not a life-changing movie, but at least a conversation starter.
(Source: Netflix App) 

The wife and I watched "Happy Anniversary" on Netflix and it sparked an interesting late-night conversation.

For context, the movie is about a couple who have been together for three years and are celebrating their anniversary a day after going out with a couple friend who can't seem to get enough of each other. On their anniversary, the girl just blurts out "I'm not happy," as the movie follows them around for the day, reflecting on what changed that led them to where they are in the relationship.

It got the wife thinking if we are happy, and that we're not falling into the same hole that the couple in the movie had.

Personally, I think things could be better.

The social norm is that a man provides for the family, and the wife keeps the house in order. Women fought for gender equality and are now also significant individuals in the corporate world. Despite these however, people frown upon the notion of a woman providing for her and her man. It's a sentiment that a friend shared with me; as a major in humanities, he thought his fellow students of social sciences would be more accepting of the fact that it was his wife working while he stayed at home, but he was wrong. They had the same judgmental looks and questions as others have.

If I were to base my happiness on social norms, then I shouldn't be happy. However, I've thought of how I would be happy way before I had this life as a houseband, and frankly, I don't care what society thinks of me.

My wife is afraid that she doesn't have time for me or our baby because she's busy with work. I assured her that she's never too busy to not have time for us, and me being home should give our kid the parental presence we both want him to have.

I was raised by parents who worked full-time, while my wife was raised by parents who managed a business. While we grew up fine and understood early on that our parents were away most of the time precisely to provide the life that we were living, we both wanted to have a bigger presence in our children's lives when we became parents ourselves.

In a perfect world, I would have a corporate job that pays well enough to support our family, while my wife gets to take care of our child without taking work home with her. But life's not perfect. I don't have a job, and my wife usually needs to work overtime to finish her job.

I told her that it makes our union work. She fulfills her professional goals, while I fulfill our personal goals. We can't have everything. Even the "perfect" couple in the movie was later revealed as too absorbed with showing off how "perfect" their relationship was instead of living an actual life.

If I had a corporate job, our baby would grow up like we did; it's not bad, but it's not the way we wanted to be as parents. We need to live with the sacrifices, but ultimately, we concluded that we're happy - it's not the same happiness as the world dictates, which made her question it a bit, but we ended that conversation knowing that we were happy in our own way.

Forcing Faith vs Spreading Faith

Truth, in different perspectives.
(Image Source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fc/85/39/fc8539e853281b5805e0c2355ae18c80.jpg)

I've been blessed to have my faith grounded on the environment of Don Bosco Mandaluyong before it was questioned by the various philosophies we studied in UST.

It made me stubborn in the eyes of most elders, and is probably why "pilosopo" is a negative term in the local language while it is an honor to be called a "philosopher." Anyway, no one alive today could say that they personally knew Christ, Mohammed, or Buddha to know for certain which religion speaks the truth about life after death. We all base our knowledge of faith in books handed to us, based on the accounts of people who came before us.

Faith, I think, is very subjective. It's why Catholics go for the Sacrament of Confirmation because at birth, they are born into a religion. However, once they are able to think for themselves, they have the opportunity to choose if they will "confirm" what has been taught to them.

I believe that I can share my faith in God with people, but I don't believe I need to push my beliefs on anyone.

My dad and I had a lengthy argument about going to Church while I was in college. In a nutshell, I didn't believe that I should be going to Church because he said so, and I also think that we had the same reasons for going. As a result, I made a conscious effort to not attend mass with him which frustrated the heck out of both my parents. I prayed, and I went to church with my then-girlfriend (now wife), but I never announced it, didn't show it. I just did.

There are a lot of religions existing, and while some don't agree with your beliefs, it doesn't make them wrong. After all, you can't see all sides of a house from one vantage point; you can't assume a house is blue because you see one side is blue, the other side might be red for all you know.

Given this, we should respect a person's beliefs and not force what we think is right for them.

My parents shared this story of my uncle getting sour about Padre Pio's oil not healing my aunt that he loved so much. They feel like he's ungrateful for all the help Padre Pio has done for them, especially after some stories my dad shared about praying for my aunt and sharing her pain in order for her to be relieved by some of it.

Personally, I think it's a clash of beliefs broken down by a man's pain. We all wanted to help my aunt, and the best we could do was pray for her. At the time, there are moments of relief, and they shared it with my parents. However, we don't live with her everyday to see what she's going through on a daily basis. My uncle went all out in helping her; modern medicine, prayer, heck I wouldn't be surprised if he tried to talk to spirits in his effort to ease her pain.

Despite all our efforts (my uncle's, most especially), she succumbed to her war against sickness that she so valiantly fought for years. No amount of prayer could give us the miracle we craved, nor was there technology to save her completely.

My parents believe that it's partly because my uncle never really shared the same faith that they had when he prayed to Padre Pio. My uncle believes that that faith is useless because it didn't save his dear wife. I think it was just her time, and she was living in borrowed time for quite a while because of her will and determination to live, fueled by her family's love and everyone's prayers. It hurts, but it was inevitable. They wanted to blame something, anything, for their loss, when no one really is to blame.

My point in telling the story is that forcing faith isn't spreading it. Faith is internal. You can't tell a person to have the same faith in the things you believe in and expect them to just follow you like sheep. When we get to a turning point in our lives, we don't all take the same path.

This realization dawned on me after a conversation with someone about personal struggle. We came to the conclusion that while external help is appreciated, "personal" aspects like practicing faith shouldn't be forced on the one in need. There's walking a thin line on guidance and completely ignoring that line.

A Lazy Society

People on screens all the time and riding personal mobility devices - we're on our way to the future Wall-E has shown.
(Photo Source: https://imgur.com/gallery/jT43R)

This is more of a conversation with myself.

I write long posts, and this one is no different. It's a personal writing style that I've adapted even when writing for publications. On print, I understood the concern for the word count, but online, where there are no pages to count, I found it difficult to understand.

Of course, I am no sheep that only does what he's told. I asked until I understood.

People don't read through something that's too long. They always want easy to consume articles that gets direct to the point in order for them to move along to the next thing they're supposed to do or read. With information at the tip of our fingertips now, everything is so fast-paced that last hour's news is already old news.

Scrolling three times to finish an article is already a chore for most people that they don't bother to finish the whole article if it goes on that long. I don't think a lot of people will get to this part of my blog precisely because of that.

However, I think this is why fake news and online scams are so prolific at this day and age.

We're all about speed and breaking news that most people ignore how the news came about or the source of the news. Most people read the headline and assume that's all there is to a story. Some people don't bother to check out who sent them an email, assumes it's official, and submits their personal information to scammers who take advantage of their carelessness.

Society has become lazy because of how easy life is. The internet can give you so much that it almost eliminates the need to talk to people in person. After all, whatever you could talk about is probably on the internet anyway. Heck, even musicians aren't original because somehow their songs resemble some unknown artist's beats.

I like writing long articles because I want to paint a clear picture in my readers' minds but also provide them with the proper establishing facts that led me to that picture. However, this lazy society doesn't care about facts and instead wants to offer their own closed opinions on the matter. Instead of igniting an intelligent debate, I only get to interact with trolls whose only concern is to make a comment, even if it's just "FIRST!" or a bunch of other nonsense.

I still like to write and cater to an audience, but it's getting increasingly frustrating to come up with articles that are click-friendly instead of something that tickles one's thoughts.

I think I too have become part of this lazy society, as I'd rather post a thought immediately in order to spark a conversation with people who read it instead of waiting to make a blog out of it.

Hopefully, doing this blog lets me change that.

...Of Entitlement and Comfort: A Third World Mentality...

I love living in the Philippines. I really do. It is one of the main reasons why I didn't pursue a course related to computers despite having an introduction to it during my High School days in Don Bosco. I thought that it would lead to opportunities abroad, but not too much here, so I decided to find another calling. But that's another story.

I enjoyed travelling to Singapore. They have an awesome public transport system that makes you feel like you don't need a car to go around because it is safe enough. My girlfriend said she enjoyed Korea immensely and that it was nice there as well. I haven't been to Japan, but from what I've gathered, it's a nice place to visit as well (despite the steep price to pay).

Not too long ago, we were the toast of the town in Asia. We were the country our neighbors looked up to. When we won "Democracy" from Martial Law, everything went downhill. I am not saying I'd rather have Martial Law and "Ferdinand Marcos is the best president of all time.. All time!" because I don't believe the latter and I highly doubt that the former will give me the opportunity to write this.

"Democracy" has given us an almost irrational feeling of entitlement to everything and anything, and inspired a kind of "me" mentality rather than a genuine love for the country and fellow men. Being a Catholic-dominated country also probably contributes to this. As a result, we remain a third world country and will continue to be one unless genuine change (not this "change" the current administration wants us to believe) happens over the next two administrations. I explain my points below:

A Genuine Concern for Others

Everyone needs it, just line up to get it yours
*Photo from inquirer.net

When a huge tsunami devastated Japan some years back, the world was amazed at how orderly everyone was despite the tragedy. Japanese people lined up for relief goods, got what was allocated for them and left. Those who weren't able to get any left and hoped to get supplies next time. They understand the concept that they are all suffering from the same fate, and accepted that while they did not get theirs, some other family did.

The Philippines has had a number of tragedies that challenged our spirit, none more recent probably than Yolanda. I am not and have not been in their situation, but I am from the formerly Ondoy-devastated Cainta. I can't speak from experience, but only through those that I've read. And comparing those which I've read, I say we lack this genuine concern for our fellow men. We've read of looting, killings, and even rape happening in the typhoon-torn areas. It seemed worse than a zombie apocalypse.

We received millions in foreign help, and countless more from countrymen in the metro, but it didn't seem like the help was enough. There were alleged conflict on who was supposed to distribute the goods, who takes credit,, etc. In the midst of such tragedy, some people still had the gall to worry of their own personal gains rather than just help.

I don't think it is limited to that tragedy. We see it everyday on the streets; people shoving each other to get in a public transport system, cars cutting through multiple lanes or even counterflowing just so they could get to the endpoint faster, public utility vehicles stopping wherever they like to wait on passengers, people cutting in line in a convenience store, and many more. There are rules on the road, and unwritten rules of courtesy that we follow to have a sense of order. People disregard these to prioritize themselves. And when chaos ensues, they blame the government for not doing anything about it.

An Irrational Feeling of Entitlement

Why must you risk your life for a shortcut?
*Photo from pinoytransplant.com

Taking a cue from being genuinely concerned for others, these same people who lack this concern put themselves higher than others and the law. Pedestrians walk under footbridges and shout expletives at you if you don't let them pass. Commuters decide to just ask the driver to stop when they are right in front of where they want to go down, not even giving the slightest respect for the "No Loading and Unloading" sign situated perfectly where the person wants to go down. Jeepney drivers swerve left and right at their own time, often sticking out a hand as if it means he has the priority to take the lane you're in only to stop in front of you while passengers are boarding.

I don't get where they get this sense of entitlement from. We are all children of God, but why the hell do these people act as if they were an only child? Why does order, rules, and courtesy mean so little to people as if they're the only ones who are in a hurry?

Footbridges are a pain, and they aren't exactly placed where we want to be. But they were made such that pedestrians won't bother traffic. The jeep is a public utility vehicle, not a fucking cab. If you want to go down right at your doorstep, take a damn cab. While in a PUV, go down or board proper loading and unloading zones. People find themselves to be too important that they shouldn't be inconvenienced by these "rules". PUV's, for their part, can give way to traffic if they know that they'll just block the way while they wait for passengers to board. I think the democracy that our people won in 1986 only gave us the confidence that we are "free" to do just about anything we want.

A Separation Not Quite

The House of God and some streamers.
*Photo from gmanetwork.com

       

The Philippine Constitution has a clause that separates the Church and the State. However, when you hear mass in most Churches, there are some priests who urge their parishoners on the Church's stand on current political issues. I'm not saying they don't have the right, because it is probably the only venue that they have to reach out to their followers.

I think the country's development is somehow hampered by how we want to be perceived. We are a Catholic country, and it is one of the things we want to keep others to see us as. Hence, we voted for people who approved laws to provide housing for squatters whose houses (which they never legally owned) were demolished. We have lengthy debates on our personal stands regrading the reproductive health bill, divorce, and same sex marriage. Most don't want to be frowned upon by choosing the less "Catholic" choice.

We may not always agree with the choices of the Church, and the Church may not be directly to blame. However, to please the populace, public officials take it upon themselves to appear as "good guys" by siding with whatever stand the Church goes by. I daresay that by trying to put religion on a pedestal, we fail to see what needs to be done to improve the country.

The "Balato" System

What does vice owe you, kuya?
*Photo from pnsers.com

Whenever someone wins something, or something good happens to someone, people feel a sense of entitlement to seek "balato" from that person. This, I think stems again from our "strong" religious background as a Catholic country. It is taught that we must "share our blessings".

I don't discourage people from sharing their blessings. It is really up to you, on where you find your peace. But don't feel obligated to share something you've earned or won to people who are just waiting for those that you will share. I bet a lot on random stuff. At the moment I'm making a particular bet, I am ridiculed for being such a gambler. As soon as I win, these same hypocrites ask "balato" from my winnings.

There are people who invest in something, or worked their ass off for something, and when they look like they're making it, they get the "manlibre ka naman" or "big time ka na!" treatment as if these hecklers are responsible for their success. Isn't Christmas time the part of the year when all the bums are out in public?

This "balato" system is not new. I am certain that each one of us has a couple of people like these in our lives. They don't do shit, but expect to have a share of the good fortune one earned or won. It is a practice that drags our society down.

…On Sunday Masses and Religion…

"I like your Christ; I do not like your Christians.
Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."
-Mahatma Gandhi

I am a Catholic Christian, though not a “model” example. But I do take to heart the Apostle’s Creed. I do firmly believe in God. In my own way, I believe that I have a strong faith in Him. I was schooled in Christian schools ever since I was a kid. I am thankful that the formative years of my faith were spent within Don Bosco Mandaluyong, because I think they built a strong enough foundation for me to always put Him ahead of everything that I do.

Now that I got that out of the way, let me make my points. I rarely go to Church on Sundays since college. I don’t blame my being a Philosophy major, even though people tend to attribute it to that. Philosophy didn’t teach me to think, but it inspired me to be more critical. And being critical made me sad, as a Catholic Christian, that parishioners have somewhat become mindless drones who go to Church without knowing why they’re really there. The hourly masses at Baclaran on Sundays have become like free-seating movies; people come in anytime, and leave after they reach the same part of the next mass. At another church, some old people who seem like regular church-goers don’t seem to know when to sit and stand without some lector telling them to. Everyone is looking at everyone else feeling out what they would do.

I still go to mass occasionally, but only because it’s family time. I sometimes refuse, because I find it hypocritical for me to go there and not want to be there. I want to hear mass because my heart openly wants to hear the word of the Lord and to be with my family, not because I am dragged to go out of obligation and to have the opinions of men shoved into my system. While it is nice to know that the men who serve the Lord are all keeping up to date with current events, I’m a bit disappointed that they use the Homily to spread their cause. I write not because of my inclination towards the issue, but rather because I feel as if my religion is being alienated by political intentions.

My high school Religion teacher (now a priest), on the issue of EDSA 2, did explain to me why the Church had to be involved. “To protect the morality of the nation from an immoral leader,” was the gist of what I learned from him. Today, the RH Bill and the Divorce bill are prominent topics that are inserted to Homilies I hear. I do not wish to defend any side; both have their pros and cons. But I do want to defend my Church. If I wanted to hear the Church’s view on the matter, I would gladly listen through different avenues (public forums, interviews, debates, etc) than in the House of God.

The Philippines may be the biggest/only Catholic country in Asia, but we have to understand that the constitution separated the Church and the state for a reason. As our population grew, so did the number of religions our country plays host to. Why, then, should the Church be so vocal to the extent of dedicating part of the Sunday Mass to discuss the “perils” of the proposed bills?

I am more inclined to believe that despite such a growing population, our nation is still not prepared for such radical changes. There are still the malleable minds of those parishioners I spoke of above, who will blindly follow what has been “taught” to them during the Homily. And to be fair, there are the media puppets, who dance to the tune of whatever is being thrown at them, blindly defending something they know only “parts” of, and not the whole picture.  

I just want my Church back.