...emptiness and selfishness...

saturday was a pretty lonely day, save for the hours with peter and tracy (who enudred the long, detailed stories of yours truly)...

i'm trying to figure out if life was empty or i'm just too selfish...


che went out on a company trip... well, it was more like an inter-agency event sponsored by axn... it's what their job normally required from time to time, so i had to get used to it... it was, after all, the first of many trips... off they went, and then i went to try to ease the emptiness by hanging out with other friends... wanted to talk to the people i normally chat with, as in tracy's words, "these stuff we talk about deserve more than just text or chat conversations"... got to meet tracy and unfortunately, peter (apir.=P), but wasn't able to chat with lis (whom i have had a long overdue talk/meeting with) and imon (whom i was supposed to pay)... tried to squeeze as much time out of tracy and peter (whom i have to thank, really, for such a great time... i never thought i could have that much fun with you two if it was what, two years ago?=P) so that i could go home and just have time to sleep to make the wait shorter...

in the wait, i contemplted on what i was feeling... emptiness or selfishness... i kinda concluded that it was emptiness brought about by selfishness, which was cultivated by jealousy... i don't know how to practice not being jealous, c'mon... but then i remembered we agreed that we needed to trust each other... and so i must... which lessened the feeling of emptiness...

"trust" is an essential part of a relationship but it's so damn hard to pratice... even if i say i do, i do't always do it... i am jealous, in the first place, not because she might do something, but rather, because people around her might do something... but then, among our many arguments, she has told me that i needed to trust that she is strong enough to resist whatever temptation there might be as she does me... with this line of thought, "jealousy" might be minimized... an absolute trust on your partner...

i know it was for a day, but distance does so much in practicing "trust" (pero ndi ko naman sinasabing dalasan ang pagkakalayo beh...=P) that i had to write this blog despite poor construction and thought, just so i can share to my friends how valuable "trust" is... and how "distance" is not a factor which must separate you, but rather, draw you closer...

==============================================================

i told che about the musketeer i was getting from tracy's friend (and mine too..=P ankinan na to!! hehe...) and she was genuinely happy for me... she knows that every mall i go to, i always check the supermarket with hope that a musketeer is being sold... and she knows that every time, i get disappointed.... my sis got me one for my birthday: something she bought in subic... when che got back, it never crossed my mind until perk mentioned a "duty free" they went to... my heart raced... i was thinking "sana naalala nya" over and over while she was in the restroom... then i asked her if she got one, she said, no, they were all out...

but my curiousity pushed me to take a peek...


and there it was...


all it's silver glory...

with chocolate over chocolate inside the silvery, shiny, wrapper...


i wanted to cry...=)

(but surely, 6 pieces won't last a week...im done with 3 already, but that is with great effort not to take another... looking forward to more... *winks at leoneth* hehe...)

=============================================================

"halaga" by parokya ni edgar is playing on my head... tsk...

oh and, "this is me" by miley cyrus and the jonas brothers... tune's just so catchy...


and the gay song by archuleta, "crush"...

==============================================================

i need to get a better job... my brain's not doing too good with this one...