..."Mom, I'm sorry I lied" - Kris Aquino...

<emo blog mixed with Tita Cory's passing. just needed an outlet. turn away now.>

Making it a non-working holiday on August 5, 2009 was probably one of the few bright ideas by that dwarf in Malacañang that I actually agree with. It was a day of mourning. Everyone was either walking with her, waiting for her on the streets, or glued to the live coverages. Tita Cory was a rare person who you can't say anything negative about. My uncle, who I'd never in a million years think would line up in a stampede-threatening crowd, did so just to try to see her for one last time (they weren't able to, by the way, 3 and a half hours of waiting in line, and they decided to call it a night, as there were people threatening to crash the barricades. He was concerned with his daughter who was with them). There was that guy they got to talk to, who was there since 8 in the evening, followed what the guards said about how to line up, and most probably walked with the whole group of people to her final resting place.

Young people don't know how much of a loss Tita Cory is to our nation. The older ones grieve for they do.

Say what you want about Kris Aquino, but yesterday, as I was watching her, I only see a person who lost a mother. Not a celebrity. Not a politician. Not a brat. Just a person who lost a mother. I was playing my PSP but tears trickle down as I feel her pain. She spoke the line in this same thought (I'm not sure if I got it all right):

"Mom, I'm sorry I lied. I said we'll be OK, but we'll never be OK. We said that so that you can leave us peacefully, so that you don't have to worry about us. But it's going to take a lifetime before we'll be OK because we'll miss you forever.."

I guess that's what we all do, in certain moments of our lives: we show strength and mask our pain so that those who worry would not. But at some point, it catches up to you. And the pain just eats you.

Now I can't work. I've got a random feeling of loneliness. To some extent, it's probably brought about by the Facebook app "Friends for Sale", or probably the looping of the songs "Emily" by Paraluman and "Why Do I Love You" by Metafour, but moreso because the pain just caught up to me.

I miss KT. I guess, like Kris, I lied when I said I wanted her to stay there and take the university thing because what I really wanted was for her to be here. I guess I lied too when I said I'd let these feelings go, because I can't. And I guess I lied when I said I'll be fine with just knowing that she's met someone (if/when that time would come). I don't know if I lied when I said I'd wait for her, but I know for sure that if she'd come back, that I'd want to see her, and seeing her would be unfair to whoever I would be with (if there would be someone) at that time.

How many times do you get to dream and have something to actually show people what you dreamed about? At least I can say I had that unique experience.

Now, if only I didn't have to wake up... I still want to go on dreaming that 2-week dream I had...